


Lovesick Girls

by Dreamofshadows



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: 80's Music, Action/Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst and Humor, F/F, Feels, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired from Lovesick Girls music video, Kim Jisoo is whipped, Lisa is Bad at Feelings, Mental Health Issues, Mild Smut, Music Video: Lovesick Girls (BLACKPINK), Rose needs a hug, but not so dark i think, don't worry jensoo endgame tho, pushing my jennie x reginald agenda, reginald was originally a capybara named thus by cameron philip in his ice cream MV dub lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:47:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 63,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27847158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamofshadows/pseuds/Dreamofshadows
Summary: Four broken girls meet by chance and spend one eventful night in each other's company drifting through the liminal hours.Come morning, their lives will never be the same again."but why we still looking for love?"chaelisa and jensooinspired by Lovesick Girls MV
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Kim Jisoo, Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Comments: 35
Kudos: 93





	1. you give love a bad name

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was inspired from lovesick girl mv and indeed many of the sets and locations are borrowed from the mv with extra embellishments. the time is set at the time the mv dropped too, in october 2020.
> 
> the fic took three months to finish, it was a ride. hope you enjoy and lemme know in the comments, don't be shy :P

_october._

the tail-end of summer leaving a trail of nostalgia already prevalent in the chilly autumn air, just like the cigarette smoke spilling from her lips.

lisa wasn't thinking about trivial cliché things like nostalgia, though. her mind was a cold black hole, her heart a husk of a shell. not even bon jovi screaming in her ear could stir the cold embers right now. she pocketed her walkman, spat out the cigarette and ground it beneath her heel.

time to get to business.

she was currently dragging a yellow hammer half her size and a jerry can in the other hand. the scraping sound grounded her, reminding her of the numb heart that she could still just feel beating hollowly. she set the jerry can down and stretched.

that good-for-nothing turd had nearly sucked her life dry down to the marrow, leaving her feeling lonely, crazy and unwanted.

no matter how much she pretended on being the cool tough girl, the truth was relentless, chasing after her with the same determination lisa possessed to run n the opposite direction.

how cliché: despite the punk-rocker aesthetic she prided herself on rocking, it really turned out she was just an e-girl in disguise, writing fcking sad love songs on the roof while that toerag was out getting high and fcking sluts without her.

maybe that's why he didn't like her anymore. she had gotten too tame, too soft, too tired of chasing the thrill.

_how did that even happen? when had she gotten so jaded?_

a fcking tragedy, is what she was, reduced to a trite broken-hearted girl cliché.

and if there's anything lisa hated, it was trite broken-hearted girl clichés, because they were so damn pathetic. and that wouldn't do.

lisa was many things, but she drew the line at pathetic.

hell, she only felt a spark of life when she was looking down at the abyss of the dark street beneath her from the top of the building she climbed at nights. 

which is why tonight, lisa was setting herself free, beginning with the object that started this flaming tragedy: his hunk of junk on wheels that zoomed into her life one spring day as she was minding her business.

**_shot through the heart and you're to blame,_** bon jovi bellowed, **_darling you give love a bad name._**

metal met wooden fury, glass met unforgiving concrete floor as the electric guitar riff blasted her eardrums.

lisa swung the mallet in a savage outburst of rage, boiling up quick as mercury, hotter than lava, lips peeled back in a battle cry for life as she drowned in music and the shattering of glass.

In time, dents and scrapes scarred the car's body, scratching the paintwork. Spider-web cracks decorated the windows, or what was left of them.

glass rained down at her feet, shards splintering on the ground joining her tattered heart pieces still freshly bleeding.

_tattered heart pieces still freshly bleeding....now that could be a lyric._ she was one poetic wretch.

a smirk graced her lips as she fingered the lighter in her pocket; she had swiped it from his dresser to annoy him and make him yell at her, because she was pathetic and wanted him to talk to her, scream at her, show some sort of emotion in her presence.

but he hadn't even noticed. not even when she sheared her hair down to a bob and even did the highlights to match him.

pathetic. lifeless. _dead._

why had she stayed clinging on for so long?

she could care less now. he didn't care about her anymore so she wouldn't either.

lisa wiped her face from sweat after pouring all the kerosene around and over and inside his car. she let the lighter drop.

with a _whoooooooshhh_ the inferno overtook her, crackling tongues of fire licking everywhere and tickling her skin, teasing.

ah she remembered how it all started now: a pair of daredevils playing with fire, literally. setting fire to anything that tickled their fancy: abandoned buildings, cars in junkyards, piles of rubbish.

the sting of smoke and the smell of kerosene were intoxicating.

the thrill of being chased by cops and the raw, rough taste of his tongue on hers as they made love in the backseat was addicting enough to fool her and make her hang around, looking for the next high to drag her into the next day as she waited to exit the world in a supernova explosion someday.

but it was not the time for that, yet. she was still living, albeit barely. if her family saw her like this, they would be immensely sad and disappointed, but lisa wasn't going there. what they don't know won't hurt them.

lisa hoisted the hammer over her shoulder. it was time to go. 

she fished the second set of car keys that she had swiped from his drawer and smiled as she walked away from the burning wreck, hurrying lest it exploded and brought down the house over her head. she didn't want to give the turd the satisfaction of going down with his beloved car no.2 and the house as well.

she shouldered her sports bag on the other arm and left her crumbling life behind, sauntering out into the night where the turd's beloved car no.1 sat parked along the kerbside. she breathed in the scent of earth and dried leaves that littered the street.

autumn was the season of death and decay, but lisa felt like it was the perfect time to be reborn.


	2. no doctor could help when i'm lovesick

"i don't know what to do doctor kim!" jennie said shrilly. "i love him, but i don't know if it's time for a change! do you think it's time for a change? i feel like it's time for a change!"

"have you considered breaking up with him?" the therapist asked monotonously. she was used to this exact scene every other day.

"but i love him!"

"are you sure?"

"yes!"

"let's see now," the therapist (or was it the nurse) mused as her eyes scanned the list clipped to the clipboard she held up. "so, he cheated on you, stole your money, gaslighted, manipulated you and deceived you on several counts. if that's love, i'll eat my pen."

"i know he isn't perfect okay, stop attacking him!"

"you only stay with with him because you don't know any better. you accept that love because you think you deserve it. consider that there are already people in front of you ready to give you the love you want and need. you just have to open your eyes and accept it, you stubborn bitch."

"he will do," jennie said resolutely. she waved the yellow therapy teddy at the therapist in front of her sitting on her boring therapist couch in the white therapist room. "oh what's that? one-eyed larry says you're trying to guilt-trip me, doc. and one-eyed larry never lies."

"jennie, your mental state only continues to decline in his presence, do you really think—"

"i have a question for you, doc," jennie interrupted, "and chop chop, be quick about this. daddy or the servants can't see me sneaking out. what would you do if you were in my place?"

"cancel the date," the therapist said promptly, her feline eyes glittering wickedly.

"i can't blow off the date like that, come on, don't be mean. i haven't had sex in so long, probably the last i will ever have in fact. and he might buy me something new from chanel. now be serious about this," jennie demanded. "i mean, long term wise regarding this relationship, what would you do in my place? you have ten seconds to think of the right answer."

the therapist smirked at jennie. "well, if i were you, i would just get rid of him. _permanently._ start over. it's not like you find it too hard to pick someone new, right? but do it after you get the present. and maybe after the sex too."

she tossed her head smugly, knowing she had guessed right. "checkmate."

jennie's face cleared, her mouth pulling back into an identical smirk. she was pleased with the therapist's answer.

"why doctor kim, you read my mind."

and she laughed and laughed as her mirror image sitting before her faded away like a grotesque melting wax figure. 


	3. born to be wild

rosie sniffled, wiping her eyes with her flannel sleeve. the night was chilly and she hadn't taken into consideration that it was no longer summer when she blindly rushed out of her apartment earlier.

but she had felt so suffocated, like all the walls were closing in on her, that she just hadn't spared a thought. she needed air.

she walked and walked in a daze, hobbling and shuffling as she carried her heavy heart like ball and chains shackled to her ankles. the distraught girl came upon an empty bench and sat down, holding her head.

her heart cried out for the soft lanky boy who painted the walls of her (their) apartment pink, who played karaoke with her on a yellow electric guitar, who watered the various potted plants rosie bought and named, who wrapped rosie up in a knitted blanket and made them mugs of hot tea as they sat and watched the summer rain patter against the window.

"isn't this cosy?" rosie asked as she leaned against him, breathing in his scent.

"mhm," he would reply.

it was all going so perfect, or at least rosie thought.

she would have been quite content to wake up next to him on mornings, snuggled under his arm, for the rest of her life. she had even been thinking of expanding their little family unit and introducing a kitten or a puppy as well.

but her fairy tale plans crashed to the ground when one day, he sat them down for a serious talk and gently told her that they ought to go their separate ways.

"you're the most caring, compassionate and sweetest girl i ever met," he said softly, stroking her hand, "but...you're too safe."

she blinked.

"you're not the adventurous type," he explained. "you don't take risks, you have probably never broken a single rule in your life and you always have been travelling along the straight and narrow. and those are all magnificent qualities to have and i admire you a lot for that. it's just...i'm a bit like that too and umm....it gets...boring. stagnant. repetitive. don't you feel it?"

rosie was speechless, his words carving out her heart like a halloween pumpkin.

"we're too alike," he concluded, stroking her knuckles with his brow furrowed, "i'm not a risk taker either, but i feel like this time, i should take a risk and....find out more of what's out there in the world. you should do it too. we both need to grow beyond our comfort zones, individually and apart from each other. otherwise, we'll be stuck together and slowly turn unhappy and start to hate each other. i don't want to reach that point when it's too late. don't you agree?"

perhaps what always struck her most about her boy was his articulate way of expressing both their feelings.

because he was _right._ she just was too comfortable to admit it.

though she was content to wake up and snuggle against him, rosie wasn't exactly what you'd call ecstatic with her lot.

certainly, she was comfortable. perhaps _too_ comfortable.

there was a certain degree of comfort that brought one happiness and peace of mind. but extend this period of tranquil bliss for long enough and soon ennui starts to creep in like a poison that corrupts even the most idyllic of relationships.

they had their last hug, and he left with a few of his belongings.

except the yellow guitar she had gifted him—after he left, rosie snapped out of her daze and smashed it to pieces, her first victim.

next to go were the pink walls—they weren't even _baby_ pink walls anyway—buckets of black paint splattered on the surface as she threw them with all her might, bawling her lungs out. she wondered if the neighbours downstairs heard her.

she didn't touch the plants. rocky and tufty and prickly and alice and rachel were her babies.

but the paintings he gifted her, made especially for her—these she systematically sliced off their canvas and then proceeded to slash them violently as tears and snot ran down her cheeks and nose.

regret followed soon after as she waited for him to come back and find the apartment a mess.

but he never came back.

and even if he did, rosie hadn't forgiven him. she couldn't.

although he was right about what he said, how could he leave her like that when he meant everything to her?

what about trying to get out of the comfort zone together? what about going on adventures together? what about getting back together once they had their individual growth or whatever nonsense he spouted? what about then?

the doubts seeped in.

was it all just talk? had he grown tired of her and just made up some excuse? 

was she that boring? was she that unlikeable? was she that undesirable?

fine, so she didn't go to every frat party on campus like ashley and hyeri, and she certainly didn't smoke, do drugs, drive, get tattoos or do anything that society as a whole frowned down on. she was quite the picture-perfect pupil, studious and handing in her work on time.

in a nutshell, yes, she supposed she was boring. there were days when she wished she could be a little more risky, experience a little more of what life offered but she was too set in her ways. it had been quite a miracle that she even picked up a boyfriend, as her two friends would tease endlessly in the beginning.

would anyone love someone as boring as she was?

as days turned into long nights which turned into longer weeks, rosie teetered between calling him or moving on to show him that she could be adventurous unlike he claimed.

she ate tubs of ice cream and watched her favourite movies. she tried changing her aesthetic and going for a more rocker avril lavigne look. 

her pastel wardrobe was swapped out with leather and blacks (she discovered he left plenty of his black jackets that she liked to wear and snuggle for his scent which made her cry some more) but she refused to dye her hair black so soon, being rather attached to the pink hue—it was the only dash of colour in her otherwise drab appearance, and she prided herself on this fact. 

her melodies on the guitar grew sorrowful and melancholic, dark and shredded your ears from the sheer raw power of her vocals when angry.

it didn't bring him back. it wasn't going to bring him back. she was utterly alone, left to lick her wounds like a kicked puppy.

rosie held her head.

"hey pretty, looking lonely there."

her heart drummed anxiously as she realised too late that the male voice belonged to an intimidating guy towering over her and blocking the street lamp.

"waiting for my...my friend," she squeaked, trying to sneak her hands in her pocket to grab her phone.

"hey no need to look so scared. i just wanna talk," he said. he sounded reasonable enough, but something about his body posture had rosie nervously standing and stepping away as he inched closer into her personal space.

"stay back," she said firmly, not wanting him to know just how much her knees were quaking. she desperately wanted to glance around in hopes of spotting someone to get her out of this tight spot but she didn't want him to see her panicking.

she had heard countless tales of rape and kidnapping but she never had to worry much because she never went out alone at night. she had grown lax these last few days, too deep in her grief to notice until reality dunked a bucket of ice on her.

"i can wait with you while your friend comes along, eh? it's pretty late out, you shouldn't be waiting all by yourself," he leered. he stepped forward and she stepped back, unable to hide the rising panic.

"i said stay back!"

before the creep could make another move, a loud blare of music stopped them both in their tracks, turning their attention to the oncoming headlights racing towards them.

**_...fire all of your guns at once and explode into space...._ **

rosie could only stare as a pink convertible rolled up, engine roaring loud and music blasting even louder.

**_...like a true nature's child we were born, born to be wild..._ **

"get in loser, i've been looking all over for ya," shouted the young woman behind the wheel, her voice a husky drawl. she lowered her sunglasses, chewing on gum as she gave the creep a once over before she spat out the gum at his feet. "piss off, dude. she's with me."

he actually flinched and stepped back, looking more uncertain than ever but still holding his ground defiantly.

rosie had never seen the car or its driver before. the girl in the driver's seat had a dark bob with platinum blonde peek-a-boo highlights and bangs that covered her wide forehead. She also wore a glittering choker and a cool leather jacket dotted with flashing LED's.

"oi, you gonna stand there bogey-eyed all night, jeez?" the woman jabbed at the seats behind her. "hop in, the others are all waiting for us."

without further ado, rosie tumbled into the backseat at the same time as the squealing tires resounded against the backdrop of steppenwolf's guitar riffing and they zoomed off.

rosie's heart thumped in relief. she had been saved from a potential kidnapper or molester by an angel. she was still recovering from the adrenaline rush when she spotted a sizeable yellow mallet sitting next to her on the immaculate white leather seats, scribbled all over with marker. before she could take a closer look, her saviour spoke up.

"sorry if i startled you back there but you looked in kind of a sitch," the girl called over the loud music, "your boyfriend looked kinda intimidating if you get my drift. but if you wanna go back I'll drop you off no prob. sometimes a little distance to cool off can be beneficial to both sides."

"he's not my boyfriend," rosie said in disgust, shuddering. "i don't even know him."

"yikes, pinky," the girl whistled, "guess you got lucky i was passing by then. anyway, anywhere i can drop you at?"

rosie was still dazed, processing her swift rescue by this chatty goth guardian angel.

"uh...uh...nowhere. i just...i just was walking around."

the girl tutted, sliding off her sunglasses. "one of them nights huh? well then, how about you join me for a quick ride around the city? i wouldn't mind a little company. had one of them nights too. them thoughts sometimes get a little too loud for just one person."

and before rosie could wonder what kind of nights the girl was referring to or even accept the invitation, her driver spoke up again. "the name's lisa by the way, and what should i call you?"

"oh...rosie."

"cool. pleased to meet ya. love the bubblegum pink hair."

"it's baby pink actually."

"right. now just one more question." lisa grinned at her in the rear view mirror. "are ya up for an adventure?"


	4. rendezvouz at the bridge

jisoo was crossing the bridge after an afternoon wandering around in an effort to calm her buzzing mind when she got the call.

she didn't have to look to know who it was.

"nyongan, mr kim," she greeted cheerfully, well-rehearsed.

"jisoo!" the man sounded positively at the end of his tether. "it's jennie! she's gone! she's escaped again! the nurses...and she even eluded the guards out in front of the manor! please, please—"

"on it mr kim, don't you worry," jisoo reassured, her heart heavy. "i'll find her."

"thank you thank you...do you need extra meds?"

"always carry an emergency stash."

"maybe bandages, in case she got into scrapes? money to bail her out? emergency syringes?"

"it's all here, mr kim," she said, patting the fanny pack around her middle.

"what would i do without you, jisoo?" jennie's father sighed. "let me know when you find her, as usual."

"of course mr kim," jisoo reassured and hung up.

she pushed back her hoodie to see better and got to work finding jennie on the gps tracker that was present on Snapchat and which was always switched on in Jennie's case, as long as her phone was working.

jennie might be smart enough to escape her confines but she was often ditzy enough to leave her snapchat Maps feature on. jisoo kept her secret because she wanted to believe jennie did so only because she wanted jisoo to find her. then again, jennie's father didn't exactly try too hard to find his runaway daughter.

"come on come on come on, where are you," jisoo muttered. her heart leapt in her chest when she spotted jennie's bitmoji, apparently stationary, at least for now.

but she was a good five miles away.

 _fcking hell jen,_ jisoo thought with a rueful shake of her head, _did you know i skipped cardio today by any chance? please don't move._

and she started jogging, breathing in the scent of the river surrounding her from both sides as she ran.

for all his wealth, mr kim was clueless when it came to handle his impetuous and apparently deeply disturbed daughter. jennie was was rumoured to have bouts of hallucinations, psychotic breaks and impulsive tendencies, which made her a menace in the eyes of people at large who gave her a wide berth.

jisoo was the only person to stay. she was the dependable girl from next door, a year older than jennie, but she had known jennie forever seeing as they had grown up together since they were kids. when they played together in jennie's garden, jisoo was always the one comforting or bandaging jennie's knee after some nasty fall. jennie always giggled when jisoo said something to cheer her up.

mr kim, widowed soon after his daughter's birth, left jennie in the care of nannies while he travelled abroad on business most of the time.

jisoo couldn't tell for certain, but she suspected jennie's nannies weren't exactly the sweet, kindly lot they mention in storybooks. she would put down their actions to be one of the root causes for her friend's disturbed mental state.

disturbed wasn't even the proper word. jennie could be so sharp and emotionally intelligent sometimes that it made jisoo stop and stare in awe.

but there were other times when jennie's eyes glazed over and she entered an altered state of being, phases when not one word you said could penetrate the shell she put around herself. she would do whatever got into her head with no regard for consequences. those were the times jisoo feared most, because not even she would be able to break jennie out of that perilous bubble.

many other times it was like compromising with a distracted, hyperactive and occasionally destructive kid but jisoo didn't mind, as long as her jendeuk didn't get hurt, as long as at end of the day jennie smiled.

jisoo was weak for jennie's smile. all she wanted was to see her jendeuk happy and safe.

she checked her phone while she jogged and was thankful to see jennie hadn't budged from her location. she was gradually closing in the distance between them.

 _hang on jendeuk._ as she ran she could hear the pills rattling in their bottle that she always kept in a fanny pack strapped to her midsection, just for times like these, because mr kim could call at a moment' notice and expect jisoo to be ready to go after jennie.

jisoo set her jaw and ran on, her hoodie flying behind her.

she didn't like the idea of jennie gulping down pills but sometimes they were the only thing that could guarantee jennie's safety. and jennie would only take them from jisoo, which spoke volumes about her supposed caretakers at home.

jisoo and jennie had been best friends for a long time, so much so that jisoo had been entrusted with the task of being jennie's guardian outside the manor seeing as she always seemed to succeed in finding jennie. she didn't care to be paid and even turned down mr kim's handsome salary, much to her parents' chagrin.

but jisoo didn't care about the money.

all she cared about was taking jennie out for walks by the river and reading to her and feeding ducks together at the nearby pond and doing some homework together and singing jennie to sleep with lullabies they made up together. those were blissful times for both girls, the good times when jennie was calm and serene and everything was right with the world.

and it was just the two of them, just jisoo and jennie.

and they would talk about living together in a cottage somewhere and go swimming (neither knew how to swim, but jisoo was confident she could learn and teach her) and how they would grow vegetables in the little front garden and bake goodies together and fly kites on windy days and have picnics. and they'd have three dogs and name them kuma, kai and dalgom, just like the three imaginary doggy friends jennie had.

but jennie's outings grew increasingly shorter the older they became once mr kim discovered his daughter was sneaking out at night for trysts with boys. he had her confined to her bedroom for days on end, only allowed walks around the manor garden accompanied by two guards.

jennie would rage and shout herself hoarse as she banged against her bedroom door because jisoo heard it all clearly from her room next door to the manor, unable to shut out the sounds of jennie crying.

jisoo had known all along about her best friend's experimentation with boys and there was little she could do to stop her friend once jennie started to indulge, much as she detested. jisoo had been bound to secrecy by jennie, even though it made her die inside a little seeing jennie's neck marked with little red blotches whenever they met up.

meeting up with her friend was getting rarer because jennie was now being tutored at home whilst jisoo travelled to college.

the thought of some stranger touching jennie had jisoo gritting her teeth and pressing her legs harder as she ran, the wind rippling her clothes. there was a stitch in her side but she ignored it all, swallowing the pain over and over.

jennie grew infinitely more rebellious and used her brains to outwit her guards and escape the confines of her prison at least once a month. jisoo would then usually be the one to fetch jennie back, much as it broke her heart each time to deliver her friend to her furious father and exasperated guards.

though their paths diverged significantly especially with jisoo's studies and jennie's reckless exploits, jisoo's thoughts never strayed too far from the girl her heart yearned for.

but jennie would never look at her that way— for jennie, jisoo knew she was merely someone that looked after her, nothing more. at most, jennie saw her as a big sister, a caregiver that was devoted to serve her like a dog and answer to her whims. her parents sometimes chided her for hanging out with jennie so much, fearing that jennie's reputation would put smear jisoo's name but jisoo couldn't care less. she made double the effort to be a good student in order to quell her parent's worries and so far was holding up fine.

she would do anything to keep seeing jennie because life without her was tedious and grey and humdrum monotony.

jisoo was so immersed in her thoughts she only grew aware of the burning sensation slicing through her side when a blaring horn jolted her back to her senses. a pink convertible car slid along parallel with her, blasting some detestable kind of rock music from its radio that had jisoo wrinkle her nose.

"oi shorty, need a lift?" drawled the driver of the pink 67' ford mustang. "i'm starting a band. no prior experience required, except for an acceptable knowledge base of 80's and 90's music, preferably rock but i'll make exceptions for disco."

 _ **ra ra rasputin lover of the russian queen,** _bellowed the car stereo, ** _ra ra rasputin russia's greatest love machine!_**

she had a pink-haired chick riding in the backseat. the second girl looked very much like a startled rabbit as she peered at jisoo, concern shining in her eyes by the light of streetlamps overhead.

in the distance, jisoo thought she heard police sirens.

the black-haired female driver heard them too because her smile turned a little fixed and she snapped her fingers. "yeahhhhhh better make it snappy, them cops might or might not be after me."

"the cops are after you?" squealed her pink-haired companion in horror. "oh my god what have i done—"

"calm down pinky, it's a big city, i said they might or might not be after me—"

"what did you do?" the other girl demanded.

"nothing to get all worked up about," the driver said calmly before turning to jisoo. "so hey shorty, you been running and i'm guessing you're in a hurry so....hop in? pinky here and me ain't in any hurry to get anywhere. so where ya headed?"

they didn't look particularly dangerous and jisoo's sides were burning too much for her to even speak at the moment. come what may, she was sure she could hold out her own if these two turned out to be a bunch of delinquents.

jisoo hopped into the car as her answer and they zoomed off.


	5. and then there were four

"oh my gosh..."

"whoa..."

jisoo was the first one out of the vehicle, jumping out before lisa had even stopped the car as she jogged to the smoking wreck site ahead.

The gps tracker on snapchat led them to a multi-layered parking lot, eerily empty.

they had ascended each layer, scoping out the place before they arrived at the top-most layer and spotted the smoking car with both doors hanging open. glass, debris and gasoline littered the surrounding area as jisoo approached, followed by rosie and lisa close behind. skid marks covered the ground, evidence of crazy swerving before the vehicle crashed against the barrier.

jisoo's blood ran cold at the thought of the car breaking through the safety barrier and falling down down down until it crumpled in a heap of metal at the bottom.

"what the hell?" lisa said in awe.

jisoo couldn't help but echo the sentiment. the car, once white, was scrawled entirely in black marker, just the one phrase repeated over and over in varying size and thickness all over: **you + me= 4eva.** whoever did the decoration must have had either a lot of time on their hands or a lot of patience.

jisoo's eyes scanned quickly, heart in her throat as she searched urgently for jennie or any sign of life when a head of dishevelled hair popped up from the other side of the car, close to the torque.

"oh hey chu! long time no see!" jennie called blithely. "thought i heard someone coming."

"hey jen, glad you're okay," jisoo said casually. she motioned at the other girls to keep silent. times like these were crucial not to startle jennie in case she took off running like a frightened deer. "bought a couple friends with me, hope you don't mind."

"mind? me? of course not, the more the merrier," jennie replied absently as the squealing sound of a marker scrawling on the car's surface reached their ears. "hang on, gotta finish this last bit here."

"did you write all this?" jisoo asked to make conversation as she approached the short squatting girl who was still busy scribbling. she crouched next to jennie and fondly pushed locks of hair away from her face. jennie's bangs were getting long, strands reaching down over her eyebrows. she should have gotten a scissors and cut them for her.

how long had it been since jennie visited a hairdresser? how long had it been this time round since jennie breathed some fresh air? how long had she been kept confined with only four walls for company?

jisoo's heart ached. whenever she tried to have authorities or her parents investigate jennie's suspicious situation, her attempts were always blocked one way or another and she was left to watch helplessly each time as jennie was dragged away screaming and crying back to her prison after her escapades.

jisoo would have much preferred to let jennie run away by herself but she selfishly feared for jennie's life. many nights jisoo wrestled with her conscience about this dilemma: was jennie better off out running wild and then found dead in some ditch or was it better that she was living safely within the high walls of her manor home and wasting away in her cell?

"jen, you're bleeding over here," jisoo frowned, taking jennie's hand. there was a sizeable gash between her thumb and index finger, with dried blood slicked over her sleeve.

"it's nothing," jennie waved off. jisoo sighed before reaching into her pouch and taking out a band-aid, tenderly applying it to jennie's hand while the brunette worked on heedlessly. it was the best jisoo could do at the moment.

sometimes jennie would get hurt and even bleed but she would be so engrossed in doing some activity that she didn't notice, or else ignored the pain entirely until she was finished.

"what is she doing exactly?" rosie asked nervously. "won't...won't the owner be...mad?"

"i thought i'd give the car a make-over, it looked so boring just white," jennie answered, "glad i took the marker with me. my therapist said i should dump him for cheating and lying and stealing my money but i just want to make sure he remembers me if he wakes up."

" _if_ he wakes up?" asked rosie and lisa curiously.

"my ex. i dumped his ass. we were fighting in the car because i was yelling at him when he gave me a bunch of stupid flowers instead of a chanel purse. cheapskate." jennie didn't look up as she kept on writing, the marker squeaking. "we were up here for a while because he wanted to have sex but then i told him to start the car and go somewhere else. and then i swerved the wheel and crashed the car and he hit his chest, i think. then i dumped him over there."

jennie pointed over the railing and jisoo swallowed down a sigh.

"what did we say about managing our anger jennie?" jisoo asked softly. jennie pouted.

"i know i know chu. i did those breathing exercises you showed me, i swear i did, but he was such a prick really. you would have kicked him over the railing too."

"what?" rosie said aghast as she ran to peer into the depths of the parking lot stairwell. there was nothing but a deep well of darkness that seemed to suck all light, like a black hole.

"she didn't just say that she basically murdered a guy, did she?" rosie asked shakily.

"that's dope," lisa said, grinning hugely, "your friend's a bad bitch jisoo."

"i beg your fcking pardon?" jennie looked up, narrowing her eyes. "bad bitch? it's psycho bitch to you, miss goth edgelord."

far from taking offence, lisa chuckled. "psycho bitch it is then, it suits you. and the name's lisa."

"jennie," jennie said, busily scribbling. "who's miss frilly skirts?"

"her name's rosie," jisoo said.

"i like the pink hair, rosie," jennie said without lifting her eyes.

"oh...thank you?" rosie said, bewildered.

jisoo nodded and patted jennie's shoulder. "think you're ready to go home yet? oh look you still got this part to cover."

"oh you're right, thanks chu!" jennie beamed and hurried to ink over the blank patch.

"excuse me, are we just going to ignore the fact that there's a possibly dead person down there and a murderer in front of us?" rosie said, her voice quavering. "are you all honestly okay with this? we should phone an ambulance and find him and then—"

"and then what, pinky? give him the kiss of life? would you perhaps volunteer?" lisa shook her head. "he won't have survived that fall. what you should be more concerned about is someone having seen psycho princess here with that guy and they come after her. and since we're now here, they'll rope us into her mess as well."

"nobody saw me," jennie said confidently, "and don't call me princess," she added in disgust.

"lisa, you and rosie can both scram, i'll take it from here," jisoo offered, "you go ahead, i'll stay with jendeuk. i'm responsible for her anyway. thanks for the ride."

"but...what are you gonna do if the cops show up?"

"i'll go wherever jennie goes," jisoo said promptly.

"all the way to death row too?" lisa snorted. "what are you, some dog?"

jisoo smiled tightly, the irony of lisa's words striking deep. "some dog."

the taller girls stared at her.

"she's uh...that important to you, unnie?" rosie asked carefully.

she had learned jisoo was older than her and lisa and she assumed jennie must be around jisoo's age too. watching jisoo interact with the odd girl had rosie understand that jisoo cared deeply about jennie and would do pretty much anything the girl asks just to ensure jennie would be okay.

"jennie is my responsibility. i'll stay by her side no matter what," jisoo said staunchly. "and besides, the cops don't need to know what happened. i'll just call her father and have him bring us transport and he'll take care of the body—"

"no."

jisoo sighed and closed her eyes at jennie's answer.

here it came, the hardest part every time she collected jennie, the part where her heart broke into pieces because she had to reluctantly take jennie back home against both their wills.

"jendeuk, please, don't make this any harder." she gripped her fanny pack, hearing the pills rattle. "your father..."

"...doesn't give two hoots about me and you know it. if he cared, why doesn't he ever show his face to me whilst i'm inside? all he wants is to keep me sitting pretty as a princess in the dungeon under lock and key. he locks me up because he's ashamed of me, not because he wants to protect me like you do."

jennie stood up and pocketed her marker, dusting her hands and fixing her messy bun. "there, done. now, where to?"

rosie was starting to shiver and though lisa was trying her hardest to keep a stoic face, her face kept twitching as though her teeth were on the verge of chattering. jisoo didn't look any less comfortable in her denim shorts and fishnets.

"jendeuk, it's late," jisoo tried again, speaking gently. "my parents will want to know where i am too—"

"but tomorrow is sunday," jennie pointed out, "you don't have school. tell them you're staying out late with friends. we're all friends here right?"

"g-g-g-guess s-s-so?" rosie said weakly at a pleading glance from jisoo.

"we're friends alright," lisa laughed, slinging an arm around jisoo. "but can we not dilly-dally any longer, i'm sure pinky here is turning into an icicle as we speak."

"l-l-l-like you're any b-b-better."

"try to say that when you're not freezing your ass off, honey," lisa laughed.

"don't c-c-c-call me that! oh bother th-th-this c-c-c-chattering!"

the other three chuckled at rosie who had to smile back at the sounds of warm laughter filling the chilly night. it had been a while since she hung around friends or even family. it felt good to laugh along with other people.

having been deeply engulfed in her relationship and practically cut off her friends (when was the last time she had grabbed a coffee with hyeri and ashley?) left her lonely now that she was all by herself. she had been so foolish to let herself drift away from everyone and she barely texted anyone else anymore.

rosie turned her attention back to the three girls as lisa mimicked her stutter, but not unkindly, and rosie found herself laughing along because lisa made it sound ten time more comedic. her heart lightened considerably.

it's not like she was going to be best friends for life with these ragtag band of three but much as lisa advised her earlier in the car before they caught up with jisoo: _it's all about the people you make the memories with, baby._

when the chuckles died down, rosie spoke up. "unnie, why don't you go back home and have a warm shower and eat some ice-cream?" she said softly, still concerned about jennie. "It helps, especially after a break-up."

"cliché," lisa scoffed, tossing her head. "how basic. lemme guess, do you watch sappy movies too? the notebook maybe?"

"well, it's an excuse to eat ice-cream," rosie said, offended.

"i like that idea, rosie," jisoo smiled comfortingly. "how about it, jen? I'll get you some milk ice-cream eh?"

jennie shook her head. "but if i go back i will be locked up again. wouldn't it be better if all four of us got ice-cream together instead?"

"ohhh i like that idea," lisa chimed in, "who's up for a midnight snack? although i think it's past midnight by now."

at the word 'snack' rosie's stomach gave a deafening growl and she bent over her belly in embarrassment as lisa chuckled.

she hadn't eaten anything since lunch, wallowing in her pity until it became too much and she ran out as grief overtook her again.

"well, seems like we got three votes against one," lisa grinned. "pack it up jisoo. ice-cream awaits!"

"but...jisoo unnie has a curfew..." rosie protested uncertainly, much as she was tempted by the idea of ice-cream despite the brisk night air.

"let's go," jisoo said, taking them by surprise.

she smiled at a delighted jennie. "mr kim never said anything about me taking you back straight away the moment i found you. he trusts me enough to know when i need back-up. and it's not like you haven't spent days on end outside without contact before. we can stay out for the night, jendeuk, how about it? i'll tell my parents to not wait up—oofff!"

and the way jennie jumped into her arms and hugged her tightly had jisoo's resolve harden: she had long been brewing up a plan to ask jennie to run away with her to some place where jennie would be free and safe, away from her horrid father and the abusive people that took advantage of her.

maybe tonight would be the perfect time to tell her.

jisoo hugged her best friend close, breathing in jennie's scent. "i missed you so much, jendeuk," she mumbled for jennie's ears only. "i'm sorry i was away for so long."

jennie snuggled against jisoo. "i missed you too, jichu," she breathed and jisoo shivered at the sound of jennie's whisper curling up against the shell of her ear.

"hate to break up you two love-birds," lisa called from the car, "but i'm hearing sirens and i definitely don't wanna stick around in case they're after the little psycho."

"maybe they're a-a-after y-y-you," rosie stuttered. "what d-d-did you d-d-do lisa?"

"wouldn't ya like to know," lisa grinned, tossing her hair back as she tied it up a semi-bun with the hair tie round her wrist, leaving the blonde layers hanging freely. "but in any case, you can go to juvie without me, i ain't gonna knuckle down and listen to no cop."

"that's a double negative lisa, y-y-you can't say—"

"oh wonderful, so you're a cookie-cutter goody two-shoes with a penchant for correcting grammar too?" lisa snorted. "why do i get saddled with cliches wherever i go?"

"because life is one b-b-big cliché," rosie sniffed, "and you're one t-t-too."

"shucks, can't argue with that, pinky, you win this one."

"s-s-stop calling me pinky!"

jisoo and jennie laughed as they joined them in the car, with jennie calling dibs on shotgun.

"statistics say that the person most likely to die in a car crash is the shotgun passenger," jennie explained as lisa turned on the ignition, "if anyone has to die, it should be me. jichu unnie deserves a long life for putting up with me for so long and rosie looks too nice to die and lisa well you're the driver so you shouldn't die. unless you want me to drive, i can drive too—"

"bitch, do you have some death wish?" lisa whined. "you never even rode with me before and you're already doubting my skills? guys, tell her that i drive fine!"

"cute," rosie blurted instead when lisa pouted.

she couldn't help herself. rosie felt overwhelmed in lisa's presence by her striking features, cool charisma and punk-rocker aesthetic. standing next to her rosie felt like she might get trampled over by the loud, fast talking girl. On top of her notorious appearance there was also the presence of a rather menacing mallet and the mysterious sports bag sitting near her feet, not to mention the knowledge that cops might or might not be after her for some reason.

she certainly looked like a delinquent, but a pretty and good-natured one.

_masquerading as a cliché to hide who she truly was—now that was a cliché._

seeing her aegyo shine through the cracks of her tough love facade had rosie cooing at her duality, because despite the bad girl attitude, lisa sounded just like a child.

and it was adorable.

rosie regretted her slip of tongue the moment lisa turned and glared daggers at her.

"call me cute again pinky. i dare ya, i double dare ya!"

there was no real malice in her voice but rosie shivered under the intensity of lisa's gaze. jennie watched them curiously, her eyes flicking back and forth between them with interest.

"drop it already dumbass, she wasn't insulting you," jisoo called. "i found it rather endearing myself."

"it's insulting to me. i'm not cute!" lisa retorted.

"fine you're not cute. happy? now let's just get out of here before the cops find us for real. and jennie, nobody is dying tonight. put on your seatbelt please."


	6. blurred lines

"ahem, esteemed passengers, this is your captain speaking, please wait until the vehicle has halted before you attempt to alight the car. i don't want to be responsible for squashed toes or hospital trips. thank you for your co-operation, cash tips are highly appreciated," lisa said as they drew up to a dark shabby building. she winked in jisoo's direction. jisoo batted her arm playfully before trooping out obediently only once lisa turned off the ignition.

"what's this place?" rosie peered into the dim shop windows of the empty establishment. "it looks like a clothes shop?"

"sherlock holmes himself would be proud of ya pinky," lisa grinned, swiftly bringing out her mallet and hoisting it over her shoulder. she flung the sports bag at rosie without warning. "think fast."

rosie caught it automatically, expecting a heavy weight but was surprised to find it nearly empty.

"no dalgom, i don't think this is where we can buy ice cream either," jennie muttered to herself, observing the empty street around them. "and yes kai, of course i remember your ice cream order, choco chip. yes, you too kuma, mango bingsu. see? i remember."

"her imaginary dog friends," jisoo explained seeing rosie and lisa staring. "mr kim never allowed her to have pets so she pretends she has three dogs. but one day we'll have them for real."

"ok...." lisa shook her head then spread her arm wide. "so, no, this isn't where we're gonna get ice-cream, _but_ you'll see in a moment. now, if y'all will just follow me round about here, you're in for a treat. ladies first."

so saying, she slipped in between two buildings shrouded in darkness just as rosie realised that it was a small alley.lisa had shrugged off her LED studded jacket in the car, leaving her in a tube top that showed off her slender but toned arms and making rosie wonder how lisa wasn't feeling cold. it also meant that now lisa was completely swallowed up by darkness and rosie couldn't see her moving beyond the alley.

"she....she's not gonna kill us, is she?" rosie said uncertainly, quaking in her shoes. "she...she does have that hammer with her...and the police want her for something..."

"jeez pinky, you think that low of me?" lisa sighed, reappearing in front of her. rosie screamed and almost jumped into jisoo's arms. she recovered quickly, furiously trying to compose herself again as jennie and jisoo laughed.

"oh yeah you two, go ahead, have a good laugh! we'll see who's laughing when she murders us all!"

"sweetheart, i would worry more about the psycho and her faithful crony behind you than li'l ol' me and my trusty hammer, who by the way, has a name, and it's Harley," lisa told her. she held up her index finger. "rule number one of the streets: fear not the man who shows you his weapon, but the man who hides it. now are y'all gonna stand there or what?"

still mistrustful, rosie let jennie and jisoo go first, hurrying up and practically bumping into jisoo because she didn't want to get separated. the street lisa had parked in was dimly-lit and looked almost deserted. rosie had never been to this neighbourhood; it was eerily quiet and derelict, with several building having seen better days

"now for the tricky bit," she heard lisa mutter up ahead as they all came to a stop around her. "pinky, hand me your phone."

"why?"

"i need to use the torch. i threw out mine because i want to keep a low profile otherwise i wouldn't be asking."

unable to say no, rosie took out her iphone, typed in the password and passed it hesitantly over to lisa, before she remembered.

"oh wait let me do it—"

too late, lisa saw the home screen: her face remained impassive as she took in the photo of a smiling rosie snuggling up to a boy with a soft-looking lanky appearance wearing all black and playing a yellow electric guitar.

rosie remembered the photo well and even though they were no longer together, it was still an important piece of him that she wasn't quite willing to part from yet, even though seeing it each time she checked her notifications always made her heart give a little twist of longing and bitterness mixed together.

lisa didn't comment, though her lips pursed up slightly. she turned on the flashlight and held it out.

"someone hold it for me, i need to use both hands."

jisoo took the phone and shone it where lisa directed her: a padlock. scanning the area, rosie realised it was a backdoor of the shop that they had parked in front of.

"you're...you're...breaking in?" rosie said, her mouth very dry.

"no...I'm...breaking...the padlock..." lisa grunted as she swung her hammer. "it...will be...a very...legal...entry..."

"it's still trespassing!" rosie half-screeched but nobody was listening.

with every swing and dull clang, the padlock rattled and the metallic sound echoed too loudly around them for rosie's liking.

"we're gonna get caught!" rosie said in panic, on the verge of dancing out of agitation.

"oh ye of little faith," lisa groaned, "gimme a break will ya? i know what i'm doing pinky, i did this a couple hundred times, and worse! and look at me, still out minding my business."

"you guys! jennie, jisoo, please tell her to stop!" rosie pleaded.

"why?" jennie shrugged. "i wanna see what this shop is. hurry up lisa!"

"well you try swinging a hammer at this thing, midget. here, be my guest," lisa retorted as she heaved and paused to wipe her forehead. "whew, it's stronger than i thought."

"oh no you don't, you'll get hurt," jisoo said immediately when jennie eagerly reached out to take the hammer. "stand back jen, let her deal with it." jennie pouted but obeyed.

"jisoo please," rosie said desperately. "this isn't right...this...this is...we're gonna be in so much trouble! someone's gonna hear us and report us!"

she could just picture it—the alarms would trip, the police would swarm them from all sides and they'd be toast. goodbye graduation, hello living hell.

her parents would kill her. she was a straight A student with a stellar record and heavens knows how much she had pleaded with them to actually let her go out and party with her other college friends. they didn't even know her (ex) boyfriend had been living with her. if they got to know of what she was doing right now, they would faint or end up killing her.

"i'm sure it will be fine if we're careful," jisoo said nonchalantly, " just make sure to hide your face from cameras and don't touch stuff."

"oh but we're gonna be doing a lot of touching actually," lisa smirked as she swung her mallet again and again.

"touching?!"

"get your mind outta the gutter, pinky."

the padlock bent out of shape and then fell apart with a final hit as lisa crowed in delight. jennie whooped and eagerly turned down the door knob, pouting as it refused to yield.

"what's up with this stupid door?" jennie said frustrated, tugging on the knob violently. "come on you big lump—"

"doesn't she know how doors work?" lisa sniggered. "it's locked, i still gotta pick the lock."

"she just gets really impatient with doors that won't open," jisoo explained and handed rosie's phone to jennie. "here, let me have a look."

"ooohhhh jichu, your bag of tricks! you didn't forget to bring them!" jennie said happily, "guys watch this, she's a master!"

jisoo gave a little proud smirk before she got to work.

lisa and rosie watched on as jisoo brought out several pronged instruments from her fanny pack, crouched down level with the door knob and started inserting and playing with the lock. after a few moments, she sucked in her breath and turned her wrist.

the door opened with a small click.

lisa's jaw dropped to the ground as jennie squealed excitedly, pecked jisoo on the cheek and ran inside, whooping like a kid on christmas morning. jisoo grinned, quietly happy before turning to a gobsmacked lisa and rosie.

"you...how did you..." rosie said slowly, betrayal clear in her voice. she clutched lisa's sports bag tighter to her chest. "i thought you didn't do this sort of thing..."

"sorry," jisoo said sheepishly. "jennie likes checking out old buildings and places that are off-limits. she's quite the thrill seeker. and i had learned how to pick a lock in case we needed...well," jisoo's voice turned quieter, "in case i needed to help jennie escape somehow. she learned lockpicking tricks from me, but her tools are usually confiscated until i get her new ones to hide again."

"jichuuuuuuuuu," jennie sang. the light from rosie's phone pierced through the sea of darkness within the shop. "aren't you coming?"

"i'm coming, i'm coming," jisoo answered as she followed after jennie, leaving lisa and rosie staring after her retreating back.

rosie was still processing the fact that jisoo had the skillset of a master burglar and the amoral attitude of one as well.

she had thought jisoo was slightly more inclined to follow rules but clearly, nothing mattered to jisoo other than catering to jennie's every whim, even if it might be downright flaunting the law and trespassing on property.

and what was that about helping jennie escape? from what? from where? who keeps jennie locked up?

"what did i get myself into...?" rosie whispered.

lisa chuckled, whistling softly in admiration at jisoo's skill. "i don't know if i should be jealous or impressed right now. but i knew i picked a good one when i saw her running like a crazy chicken. i thought to myself, ohhh she looks like a keeper, right up my alley. but god dang i didn't know she'd fit so much. did you see how fast she picked that damn lock? it usually takes me a whole lot longer."

"you pick locks too?"

"why do you sound so surprised? you saw me break that padlock and you thought i was a murderer but you didn't think i would stoop so low and pick a lock?" lisa shook her head pityingly. "what goes on in that grammar obsessed brain of yours?"

"i'm not a grammar nerd, you just butchered that one sentence really badly! did you even go to school?" rosie fired back. "a twelve year old knows how to string a proper sentence better than you!"

Lisa feinted a bullet to the chest. "ouch, pinky, flexing our academic achievements are we? for your information, i did go to school."

"could've fooled me."

"well, i did, all the way to college if you'd believe. i'm a photographer. i already got my own gallery slot down in gangnam where it takes even established photographers years to book a space. what you got to say for yourself?"

"you're bluffing," rosie scoffed.

a crash somewhere inside the shop had the both of them start in surprise. jennie's hysterical giggles followed by the sound of crunching glass reached them seconds afterwards.

"lisa, the cameras! they're gonna see them inside!"

"now don't go getting your panties in a bunch, sweetheart," lisa drawled. she shouldered the mallet, unbothered. "you coming in or what? the little psycho seems to be having too much fun without us—"

when rosie didn't budge, lisa turned to find the other girl shaking like a leaf, her bottom lip quivering as her eyes darted around.

lisa sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose to refrain from saying a cutting remark.

"pinky, if you would just calm down and take a deep breath and then take a good _look,_ you'd realise this place is abandoned. nobody cares what happens. nobody is here. this area is practically a ghost town. i only know of this place because i used to come here with...." lisa stopped suddenly and bit her lip. "because i came down here with friends," she continued. "i promise, the cops aren't gonna come here, they got bigger fish to catch."

"how can you be sure? why am i even asking you, i can't even trust you, you're a stranger, you're a—"

"listen here, if you really don't wanna come in, i ain't gonna make ya," lisa said at last, rapidly losing her patience. "piss off and run along home like a good daddy's girl and have yourself some ice-cream while you cry over some loser in your life before you hook up with the next loser. and then maybe this time you'll end up with the loser for good and graduate and marry and settle down and have smelly babies and then when you're old and wrinkled like a nut, you'll regret not having a taste of doing something for the risk and thrill of it. for the danger. don't expect life to come chasing after you, pinky. you gotta be the one to chase after life, else it will just walk on by and leave you in the dust. see how you like that, then." 

the words struck deep, echoing her ex's words and the growing sentiment that maybe just walking around in an abandoned shop can't be too bad, right? if lisa was to be believed, this place was deserted and they were the only people around for miles. it wouldn't matter if they had a look-around right?

without another word, rosie hunched her shoulders and stomped into the shop as she clutched on to lisa's bag, unaware of the small smile that crossed lisa's face.

"knew you had them balls tucked up somewhere, pinky," lisa grinned as she followed in rosie's wake.

the inside of the shop was musty and dark, with a flurry of moths making their presence known and nearly scaring the life out of rosie when they flew in her face as jisoo and jennie chuckled at her.

"careful, there's some cabinets that fell over here. there's a lot of glass, and mind the sharp edges," jisoo called, guiding the two girls in using rosie's phone light to navigate through the overturned furniture. "also hey rosie, do you want your phone back? i'll use mine."

"thanks unnie," rosie said gratefully. she shone it on her surroundings, looking around at the mostly empty atrium that would once have hosted an array of clothes racks. to her surprise, there were still a fair number of racks filled with knick-knacks and even some dressed mannequins, their blank faces sending a shiver down her spine.

"there's so many bits and pieces here, what kind of shop was this? there's a lot of clothes left over on the racks, jisoo is searching them out. check this," rosie heard jennie call. she turned just in time to see jennie hopping on to a display platform and knock off the mannequin with a maniacal laugh. "boom! dead like reggie! kai no hahaha that's so funny!"

"what's kai saying?" rosie asked, deciding to humour her, "i thought he was a dog?"

"i can understand him," jennie explained before she looked down to her side again, brows furrowing as though she was focusing intently. rosie shone the light on her, watching jennie nod her head. "kai is saying there's a big hairy monster behind you, rosie."

"huh?" without thinking rosie turned around to come face to face with something very hairy and very black looming over her.

"boo!"

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" rosie screamed, nearly dropping the sports bag and her phone.

jennie and lisa bent over their knees laughing as rosie blinked away tears. "that was mean," she whined, pouting.

"sorry pinky, couldn't help it. your face!" lisa grinned, tossing away the large fur overcoat away and wiping tears from her eyes. "you were gonna have a heart attack, admit it. awesome work, jen!"

"see jichu, i can be a team player when i wanna!" jennie crowed.

"good, good but give it a rest and leave the poor girl alone now," jisoo chided as she came up carrying an armful of clothes. "jen i found some clothes if you wanna try them. and here's some pants for you if you want rosie, i think they'll fit you. also this coat isn't in too bad shape and i dusted it. you've got a pretty model figure, you know?"

"oh...thank you unnie," rosie said, touched. though she was used to hearing that praise, it had been a while since anybody complimented her appearance and she needed a little confidence boost especially after all the ice-cream she ate had her worried she might have lost her figure.

"yeah you know, all three of you look like models if you ask me. if i had my camera and proper lights i would even ask you to model for me," lisa said.

"you a photographer?" jennie asked with interest as she jumped down from her platform and started rummaging through the pile jisoo had brought.

"yep." lisa glanced at rosie and winked in the gloom. "i was just telling pinky that i got a gallery in gangnam showcasing my stuff but she didn't believe me."

"i believe you," jennie said without looking up.

lisa chuckled. "sweet. if only pinky here had at least a little smidge of faith in me that you do."

"well, trespassing in abandoned shops and being cool about murder isn't exactly how a person earns my trust," rosie dead-panned. "nor does pranking people."

"yeah yeah you got standards and you're way out of everybody's league, i get it, princess. let's not dilly-dally any longer—i only brought you gals here for a quick pit-stop, not a fashion show."

lisa spread her arms with flourish. "so psycho here might have been snapped on some street camera somewhere before she met us, and they might be searching for a feline-looking gal wearing a pinstripe suit and thigh high boots so i dunno, maybe changing your get-up and disguising yourself for a few hours might throw the cops off your trail. and as for you pinky, i saw you freezing your buns back there, don't you deny, so i thought you might as well find something to warm that tush."

"what about you? you were feeling the cold too," rosie replied, feeling an odd warmth encapsulating her heart. beneath her tough love facade, rosie glimpsed a thoughtful girl who had gone out of her way to provide them with an option to protect themselves, even if it wasn't exactly ethical in rosie's books.

"i'm good sweetheart, thanks for checking though. been out and about most nights more times than there's hair on your head." lisa gestured at the sports bag. "throw in anything you wanna grab and then we'll head out to get food."

"food!" jennie hollered, "i'm starving now!"

"how long since you ate?" jisoo asked her, sifting through colourful jackets and pants and holding them out to inspect them better befroe tossing them into the sports bag.

"like only a day. i was gonna try a hunger strike, maybe daddy would poke his head in to see if i'd dropped dead already." jennie tilted her head thoughtfully. "yeah dalgom i know, maybe playing dead right away should have been the way to go. maybe he'd come to see me a lot faster. but anyway, i didn't want to give jichu a big fright. cos' you wouldn't be happy about me doing something like that, right jichu?"

"i'd be quite upset if you pulled some stunt like that, yes," jisoo nodded. "lisa, where's the place you want to go eat at?"

"a little ways away from here, in another district."

"and let me guess, it's abandoned too?" rosie said sarcastically. in the bouncing light wash from the phone's flashlight, lisa's mouth stretched wide in a cheshire-cat grin.

"why pinky, you read my mind."

"what a shocker," rosie muttered. 

she picked up the trousers jisoo had found for her and turned it over in the dim light. though she was still anxious about their break-in, she had relaxed considerably, enough to sift through clothes as she listened to jisoo's and lisa's quiet talk. meanwhile jennie tore off her clothes with zero inhibitions and threw on a new outfit of mismatched garments, repeating the process dizzyingly fast.

rosie felt the blush climbing to her ears whe she realised she was staring and swiftly moved closer to the other two girls to insert herself in conversation and avoid seeing the girl stark naked. despite her admittedly scrawny appearance, jennie had a striking face with beautiful piercing eyes and a mischievous gummy smile that had rosie feeling shy whenever it was directed at her.

 _if hyeri and ashley saw me back there they'd tease me and say i was drooling,_ rosie thought wistfully, remembering the numerous times her two best friends egged her to chat up a girl she would be eyeballing across the floor of their favourite diner.

she shook her head, pushing all thoughts of hot girls aside, and returned to lisa and jisoo's conversation in the present.

"...so what's the deal with big bad daddy kim? is he like, famous or something?" lisa was asking.

"you probably heard of him," jisoo said. "gd international?"

"oh i heard of him, he's in big business, up there with jeff bezos and jack ma. my friend, ashley, she's studying economics and mr kim was a keynote speaker at this national business seminar. she said the whole room was packed when compared to previous other events." rosie frowned. "i didn't know he had a daughter."

"well, who would claim psycho as their daughter really?" 

"lisa! that's not nice!"

"i'm just saying, a guy like him, someone like psycho would only taint his rep probably. ain't that right?"

jisoo nodded in agreement, frowning. "mr kim, he's... he's...big and bad and not fatherly at all," she said evenly, reluctant to divulge too many details. lisa picked up on her hesitance.

"jisoo come on, you think i'm the type to snitch? what do you expect me to do, turn you over to to daddy kim? no way. we're all sisters looking out for each other here and we like psycho. she's our friend, isn't she pinky?"

"lisa, if unnie doesn't want to talk about it then don't pressure her," rosie frowned, "it's not nice to poke your nose in other people's business, especially if it's none of your concern."

"it's alright," jisoo reassured, "i just don't talk about this with anyone. but you being strangers helps, because you don't know either me or jennie. and well, it's jennie's father we're talking about, he's pretty powerful."

she bowed her head, bitterness seeping into her voice. "i don't have any proof about how her caretakers treat her. all i can do is watch from a distance and hope she escapes whenever i'm in town so we could meet up. her father always sends me to get her back because i've known her forever, so he feels like i practically work for him. he forbids her from seeing anyone else."

"sick," lisa said in disgust, "that's definitely abuse right there if i know anything. what kind of rapunzel story is this?"

"well, he reasons it's because jennie isn't exactly 100%. so he says he keeps her confined to her room to keep her safe and to keep people at large safe too."

"yeah but still...this isn't the middle ages for heaven's sake." lisa watched jennie parade around and laugh to herself as she tried on scarves and long jackets. "look at her. such a baby."

"jennie unnie gets hurt?" rosie asked anxiously, heart clenching. she watched jennie struggle with a jacket, chattering quietly to the air and cheering once she managed to fit in her arm. the scene made rosie smile.

"mm yeah. you saw her back there at the car crash, she cut her hand. sometimes she just doesn't notice she gets hurt."

and rosie shivered, remembering with a jolt that the adorable girl chuckling to herself in front of them had actually dumped a guy over the railings without a single qualm, killing him in cold blood. judging from jisoo's nonchalant reaction, this wouldn't be the first time.

 _this really shouldn't be as normal as we're all treating it,_ rosie thought at the back of her head.

"i'm ready!"

jennie approached the three girls with a big smile on her face, her eyes gleaming.

"jichu, i like this one and this one and this one!" she announced holding up a mess of plaid, flannels, tweed and denim, "and dalgom wants me to take the leather boots but i know it's just because he wants to gnaw on them, so no go. and oh, also this scarf!"

"you gonna put it on?" jisoo asked.

jennie nodded, twirling. "does it make my face look fat?"

"it makes you look like a clown."

"lisa!" rosie said horrified.

but jennie merely laughed. "chu can we keep lisa? she's funny." she pointed at the armful of clothes in her arms. "where's the sports bag?"

"here," lisa said.

curious to see what was inside, rosie only glimpsed a couple other outfits and curiously enough, a small spiral notebook before lisa was hurriedly stuffing jennie's chosen outfits. she caught rosie staring and only gave a small smile before zipping up the bag.

"do you want help with the scarf, jendeuk?" jisoo asked.

"i'm good. but you know what?" jennie grabbed jisoo from the shoulders and turned her around. "close your eyes okay? i'm gonna tie your hair in a ponytail. you'll love it. hold up the phone for me, it's so dark in here."

jisoo chuckled and let her friend play with her hair, amused as jennie muttered to herself.

"it's really sweet how you take care of each other," rosie said at length. watching them fuss over each other had her remember her own friends that used to spoil her and treat her like the baby of the group, and all the good times and gossip they laughed over. regret was already making her nose tingle—there and then, rosie promised herself that after tonight, she was going to reach out to her friends somehow after months of radio silence and apologise by treating them to lunch and let them buy anything they desired. 

ashley and hyeri might not accept her back so easily, but she was willing to try.

"well, it's mostly jisoo who does the looking-after," jennie laughed. "and i'm always getting us in trouble, aren't i chu?"

"life is pretty boring without you in it. i don't mind trouble, i can handle it," jisoo replied.

"awwwww, get married already," lisa teased.

an awkward pause ensued as both jennie and jisoo stiffened and didn't laugh along with lisa. rosie gazed between them, intrigued by their reactions. maybe they were disgusted by the idea of being together? after all, jennie seemed to like boys and jisoo...well, she had no idea about jisoo.

but lisa would be forgiven for thinking they were a couple: the way jisoo patiently and lovingly interacted with jennie, smiled or laughed with her, the way jisoo's eyes always gravitated back to jennie, searching for the brunette—it would have even the most hard-hearted cynic declare that love was very much real.

and then there was the way jennie seemed to look up to jisoo for approval or permission, the way her lips peeled back in a gummy smile when jisoo laughed, the way she stuck close to jisoo and sought comfort from her presence by absently tugging on jisoo's sleeve, the way she always looked back to make sure jisoo was close.

in different circumstances, rosie might have mistaken them for a couple too.

"are you two in school?" jisoo asked abruptly, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"i am," rosie volunteered quickly. "english lit and music, with a side interest in art, because all three are my passions and i want to be a teacher of either subject one day. i'm in my third year."

"an arts chick, nice. very basic," lisa mused.

"oh yeah? what about you then miss uncliché?" rosie challenged, getting tired of being attacked for her choices. "let me guess, you studied psychology to be edgy then couldn't handle the heat and dropped out to snap photos for a couple bucks?"

"didn't you hear a word i said back there darling? i told you, i'm a photographer, at least that's what i was studying. i dabbled in photojournalism, cos i thought it was exciting and i liked photography. now i'm out, fending for myself and learning by myself."

"oh...you dropped out? didn't you like it?" rosie asked, annoyance evaporating and morphing into sympathy.

"yes pinky, i dropped out," lisa snarled with more force than she intended, "you wanna say something about it? dazzle us with your obviously superior track record? recite all the certifications and top grades you got?"

"i...no," rosie stammered and swiftly turned to jisoo. "how about you two?"

"i'm studying law. year before last one and then i'll take the bar exam." jisoo smiled as lisa and rosie cheered. "there's actually two reasons why i'm studying it. one, jendeuk here always wanted to be a lawyer, ever since we watched legally blonde."

"oh my gahd, i love that movie! elle woods is such a badass!" rosie squealed shrilly, making lisa clap her hands to her ears, wincing.

"hell yeah!" jennie cried. "daddy was being a real dick and didn't want to let me try. jichu and i did try to enrol me secretly when jisoo was enrolling, because we wanted to be lawyers together but daddy found out. so...it's just jisoo now."

"super sucks, man," lisa said.

"yeah, i mean you don't uh, look too uh... stupid so uh...." rosie was rapidly running out of ways to offer her sympathy. jisoo saved her with a quick chuckle.

"it's alright rosie. jennie can't actually qualify for university since she barely has certifications for high school. she's not dumb, but her father didn't really bother with her education unfortunately. so we were gonna try hack in anyway and find some way to get her into the same university that i was in."

"uh...would that have worked out...long term?" rosie asked carefully as lisa's mouth fell open in amazement.

jisoo shrugged. "i would have worked out something, did her homework in her stead or helped her. showing up for exams in person would have been the trickier parts to figure out."

"jichu is in the top 1% of the country," jennie said proudly, "she can write essays off the top of her head easy-peasy and she's gonna be the third youngest person ever to take the bar exam cos' she skipped a year!"

"jen please," jisoo chided modestly, "it's not that a big of a deal."

"are you kidding me?" lisa yelped. "you're a genius and that's all you gotta say? heck, i'd make sure everyone knows. people would worship me! nobody would ever dare leave or ignore me!"

"lisa you don't have to be a genius for that," rosie frowned, "the right people can still like you for who you are—"

"not in the real world pinky, lemme have this fantasy moment, m'kay?" lisa said. "jisoo, seriously though, with all that rep and prestige how come you don't have an entourage or something? you wouldn't have to settle for a career as a lawyer either, there's so much more out there."

jisoo shrugged. "i want to be a lawyer for two reasons, like i said. one, i'm keeping my promise to jendeuk and will become a lawyer for both of us. and the second reason is that as a lawyer, i will finally have the power to fight for jennie and win against her father. i will win." she added firmly. 

rosie believed her.

jisoo looked at jennie, the fond expression in her eyes revealing the extent of her feelings for all to see. "everything else is pretty much inconsequential, as long as i get to fulfil that second reason and free jennie."

obsession, done right? rosie wondered, stupefied by the older girl's devotion. or is that what true love looks like? the line was too blurred to tell.

"uhm guys," jennie said, drawing their attention. she was frowning, head tilted to the side. "what's that noise?"


	7. the more the (not) merrier

and suddenly rosie grew aware of a faint hum, like engines droning in the distance but fast approaching.

"shit," lisa said next to her, "oh shit oh shit _oh shit._ "

"lisa what's happening?"

lisa never replied. instead, she grabbed her sports bag and flung it at rosie. "guard that bag with your life and let nobody touch it, understand? especially the notebook!" lisa said urgently.

she snatched up her mallet in haste. "don't follow me. this might get ugly. whatever you do, whatever happens, don't let them know you're in here. get out of the side door. i'll handle this."

"what? who?" rosie said bewildered. "lisa what—"

"i'm sorry pinky, now is not the time for heartfelt declarations. i gotta go," lisa gabbled before she tore off into the darkness towards the front of the shop, fiddling with the glass doors. she succeeded in opening them just as silhouettes pulled up in front of the shop. 

"switch off those phones and don't make a sound!" lisa hissed. she barged outside to confront whoever had turned up.

"what's going on?" rosie said fearfully as jisoo obeyed and switched off her phone's flashlight. "what's—"

"act now, questions later," jisoo whispered as she swiftly took rosie's phone and switched it off as well, shrouding their surroundings in darkness. she spoke calmly but briskly. "jennie, hang on to my hand, don't let go. rosie, you too. let's stay still for a moment and assess the situation better."

mouth dry, rosie obeyed, somewhat calmed down by jisoo taking charge. jennie stood quiet as mouse next to jisoo, all traces of humour gone.

"is it the cops?" rosie asked, heart in her throat.

"i don't think so..."

they watched as a bright yellow glare from car headlights lit up the front of the shop as the vehicles came to a stop, the engines running idle. rosie guessed there were at least three cars, all roaring like angry beasts before the noise suddenly cut off. the headlights however remained trained on the shop, illuminating lisa's ford mustang as well as her lone silhouette squaring up to whoever was out there.

"what if she needs help?" rosie said worriedly, "we should...we should..."

"ssh, i'm trying to listen," jisoo whispered.

"what do you want, you ass?" lisa shouted. "buzz off and mind your business!"

"where your friends go?" answered a male voice, grating on rosie's ears. "don't you give me crap now, we saw them lights in there."

"there was nobody," lisa said defiantly. "y'all need glasses."

rosie nearly snorted weren't it for sudden movement outside as more silhouettes moved into the light. they were several hulking frames, big and bulky, towering over lisa.

"liar. go scope out the place, boys," ordered the same man.

"y'all be wasting your breath. they're gone, they headed out," lisa snapped back quickly, "besides, what do you need them for? it's me you're after, isn't it?"

rosie couldn't help but admire lisa, trying her hardest to cover for them and draw attention away so that they could make their escape.

"oh no..." rosie whispered as the figures surrounded lisa, hemming her in. she looked frightfully small standing next to them. 

rosie wondered if lisa was afraid.

"you burnt down your man's house and now you have the audacity to come back here strutting your slutty walk like you own the place? get lost manoban," sneered the man. he seemed like he was the leader.

 _manoban? was that like a codename?_ _it certainly didn't sound korean._

"she burnt down a house?" rosie whispered in horror as a flurry of hisses from the other girls made her shut up.

"he was a turd," lisa spat, shouldering her mallet, "he deserved what he got. he's lucky i spared his life."

"manoban i'm done being civil. you ran with the gang but now your man ain't here to cover your ass. so you can either back out like a good little girl or you leave me no choice. go on now, while i'm still being nice."

"nice?" lisa scoffed. "you, nice? pull the other one jungkook. you're all the same, the turd didn't think twice about hitting me or getting it on with other sluts behind my back. well news flash, i ain't scared to fight back." she swung her mallet, making a few of the figures back away. "that's right boys, run back to your mommies and leave me the hell alone. i don't need you and i certainly don't need that turd in my life. i'm going solo."

"manoban, you crazy bitch, this is your last warning," jungkook snarled, his voice carrying clearly. "get out of my territory or by the time we're done with you, the dogs will have to lick up your guts from the tarmac."

"ooohhhh i'm so scareddddd," lisa taunted. "that's the most pathetic threat i've ever heard in my entire life! oi, back off buster!"

the fight started in a blink: one moment lisa was all bravado waving her hammer and talking flak and the next, she was hurtling through the glass display window, crashing in a heap on the floor as glass pieces rained down around her.

rosie rammed her knuckles in her mouth and bit down hard to stop herself from screaming, terror flooding her body when she heard footsteps crunching glass and harsh male voices approaching.

"hang in there rosie or they'll find us," jisoo whispered.

"but unnie, they threw her inside like she's nothing...!"

she peered fearfully from her hiding place. rosie's heart leapt in her chest when lisa groaned and shifted amongst the wreckage, dragging herself up and shielding her face against the blinding headlights.

"that's all you got, assholes?" she called, antagonising them further.

she turned her head aside and spat disdainfully, crawling amongst the splinters. rosie was glad that lisa had managed to grab her jacket back from the car and wear it, because it protected her somewhat from all the sharp shards. 

but her anxiety soon returned when she spotted one of the hulking man tapping lisa's hammer against his palm menacingly as he loomed over her.

"get her boys. and find the keys to this baby mustang, i had my eye on it for a while," jungkook called out to his cronies, his voice carrying clearly all the way to where rosie sat frozen and hiding behind the overturned display cases.

"hey, let's take this outside, yeah?" lisa said, holding her hands up, standing her ground even as the men (rosie counted four inside) approached her. her voice was strained now, concerned even. "we're trespassing on private property right now yeah? i'll...i'll even give you the keys to the mustang! and i'll come quietly if you'll all just get outside."

she ducked as the first fist went flying but the second kick hit her right in the guts and lisa went down, wheezing. someone roughly hauled her up from the back of her jacket and lisa struggled in their grasp as the men converged on her.

"unnie unnie we have to help her!" rosie said in tears, "they're gonna beat her to death!"

"we're supposed to be escaping right now. there's nothing we can do," jisoo whispered tugging on rosie's sleeve. "come, lisa was explicitly clear in her instructions. jennie hang on to my hand."

"how can you?" rosie burst, angry at how unaffected jisoo was. jennie beside them had remained quiet. "how can you stand there while someone else gets bludgeoned? you're studying law, you should do something!"

"do what exactly, rosie?" jisoo said calmly. "what do you want me to do? we're cornered and outnumbered right now. you want me to risk all our lives and give away our position?"

"well i...i...we can't just stand here..." rosie squeezed her eyes shut at the sound of lisa's yell and then a man's scream, followed by more awful sounds of dull thuds, grunts of pain and scattering glass. she didn't want to picture the scene going on just beyond her hiding place.

"she seems to be holding her own ground," jisoo reasoned, "now let's get out of here while we can."

rosie dithered helplessly until jisoo grabbed her wrist and herded the younger girls out, making sure they crouched down close to the ground as they made their getaway.

"no, i can't do this," rosie said in agitation once they reached the door. "you can go. i'm going back for lisa."

"rosie no—"

but rosie had already rushed back inside, determination overcoming her fear. she had no plan and no idea how to take on the men all by herself. all she knew was that she had to do _something._

lisa had saved her from the guy harassing her. rosie couldn't bear to be so cowardly and run, even though her guts quaked with fear as she inched back to the source of the fighting.

"hold her still!" grunted one of the boys.

"get your dirty hands off me!" lisa snapped.

"shut her up!"

"hey! go pick on someone your own size!" rosie shouted, running forward and brandishing her phone, " let her go you son of a—"

she tripped and slammed to the ground, jagged pieces piercing her skin as she cried out in surprise. but her botched entrance worked—in the midst of tackling lisa, the men stopped and turned around, caught by surprise.

rosie whimpered as darts of pain shot throughout her body when she moved to stand. her palms burned from scrapes as glass shards cut into her skin.

"get them!" jungkook shouted from outside. "friends of the manoban bitch won't get away from me!"

"leave her alone, you sick fucks, she's got nothing to do with me!" lisa snarled. she shoved the man holding her and scrambled to stand in front of rosie who was cowering on the ground. 

"pinky you idiot, what did i tell you?" lisa hissed.

"i couldn't just leave!"

"where's the others?"

"i don't know—"

"heyyyyy manoban's friend is pretty," leered one of the guys as they shone their torches in their faces. "you always peg the pretty ones, don't you? how do you do it? what's your name, sweets?"

"back the eff _off,_ jae," lisa snarled, "i swear, if you fvckers touch _one hair_ on her head, you're all _dead._ try me, dckheads, i dare you!"

rosie stared, wondering how it was possible for her heart to flutter with something other than fear in such a dangerous situation. lisa was literally throwing herself in front of her, to shield and protect her, a mere stranger.

she started when lisa's cold hand brushed against her palm, seeking contact. lisa held herhand, squeezing it tightly as the boys laughed.

"how you gonna do that?" the guy (jae) laughed. he showed lisa her hammer. "aren't you missing a little something-something, hmm?"

"when i move, you make a run for it," lisa muttered over her shoulder as rosie finally stood up, quaking in her shoes. shards fell from her knees, raining down to the ground while rosie trembled behind lisa, her eyes darting around searching for a way out.

"i don't think i can make it," rosie said in a small voice. the sneering men seemed to have had their fill of mocking and now advanced on them, blocking the entrance.

"yes you can," lisa urged in a low voice, "run back through the way we came in. you got long and pretty legs to run. i'll hold them off and cover for you."

_pretty legs?_

rosie shook her head. "what about you?"

"forget about me, sweetheart. we had a decent run, time to move on." lisa summoned a smile, albeit strained as her eyes trained on the men. she bent into a stance, poised to leap like a cat. "not to be cliché right now, but i'm rather used to being forgotten. it was nice meeting ya. now go!"

on cue, she pushed rosie away with surprising force at the same time as she surged forward to face the men with a terrific yell. rosie fell back, horrified as lisa tackled the guy with the mallet and one of his friends tumbled down with them to grab at lisa's legs as she kicked and roared. the remaining two men turned their attention on rosie and lunged at her.

"no!" lisa bellowed in rage. "it's me you want! run pinky, run!"

she flung herself at the nearest man and they both crashed to the ground, leaving only his friend in pursuit, who paused briefly before turning to run after rosie again.

but by that time, rosie had fled, now having a better memory of the area in the dark and easily navigating her way to the door. heart in her throat, rosie raced to the door just as the man caught up with her and snatched her wrist.

"gotcha!"

he yelped in pain when rosie switched on her phone's flashlight and blinded him. he stumbled and rosie kicked him in between his legs, hard. the man gave an _oof!_ and crumpled in a heap, leaving rosie free to run out of the door and straight into the waiting arms of a short shadow who clung on to rosie like a limpet.

"let go of me you—"

"it's me, rosie, it's me!" the shadow said. rosie paused, realising that the figure clinging to her was quite petite and decidedly not male at all.

jennie smiled brightly up at rosie, holding up jisoo's phone. "i was coming back in case you needed help from behind but you socked him one well and good. lemme just..." she drew out a syringe halfway filled with a clear liquid from her pocket and uncapped the needle.

"stay back now," jennie grinned, her eyes glinting like the wicked needle. "this baby has already tasted two other guys, i don't want their icky blood accidentally mixing with yours."

as rosie stared, jennie darted forward back into the shop. a split second later there was a sharp high-pitched yowl, followed by a hollow silence.

jennie re-emerged again, re-capping the syringe, which was now empty and casually dusting her hands with a self-satisfied grin.

"now that makes it three. hope they don't have any pesky disease like aids," jennie mused, "i wonder if they will wake up?"

"jen what did you do?" rosie breathed shakily although the answer already echoed plainly in her mind.

"stabbed him with some of my sleep medication," jennie said gleefully, "only, i don't know the exact dose i gave him. it's very potent though, so he'll get a good long sleep. kinda jelly of him to be honest, aren't we kuma?" she added, nodding at the empty spot next to her legs.

rosie didn't know whether to be terrified or incredibly impressed.

jennie held up jisoo's phone, the light casting her face in shadows. "jisoo should be taking care of the other boys by now. let's go up front. and here's lisa's sports bag, can't forget it or lisa will be mad," she chirruped.

stunned, rosie was still processing jennie's actions before the thoughts in her head slammed to a halt.

"wait, did you say jisoo is taking care of...?"

"we took out their leader jungkook and his three other pals while you and lisa were up against the other boys," jennie said, practically skipping as they walked, "jichu is using some other syringes with my emergency meds. we knocked those boys out, they never saw us coming thanks to you and lisa's distraction. jichu will take care of the boys easy peasy now, she got a black belt in tae kwon do and jujitsu. then she'll put them to sleep too."

they peered around the corner of the alley. the street was eerily still, with only distant sounds of a scuffle and objects crashing to the ground that stood out from the blanket of silence. lisa's mustang was still thankfully intact, parked in front of the shop. close by sat two rather battered dark convertibles with the headlights blazing. when rosie squinted, she was able to discern two passengers per car slumped in their seats.

her head spun at the turn of events, with her initial distress quickly giving way to resentment at the way she and lisa had been turned into bait.

"jisoo said we couldn't do anything back there," rosie said indignantly, "what changed now? why is she busting out her moves after i risked my neck while lisa was getting beaten to a pulp?"

jennie shrugged. "jichu wanted to be sure who we're up against. that was a really great idea to create a diversion rosie, just what we needed," she complimented, summing up the whole ordeal as cheerily as though she were complimenting rosie's hair.

"wha...i didn't...you...jisoo..." rosie was at a loss.

jennie merely grinned then ducked her head violently. "dalgom behave!" she scolded severely. "we need to wait for the signal or else we might endanger jichu."

"what signal?" rosie said, doing her utmost to keep up.

on cue, there was a single low whistle that cut through the air and jennie responded with a whistle of her own before surging out of their hiding place.

jisoo and lisa emerged from the shop, squinting against the headlights. lisa dragged her mallet behind her, rather subdued with her head hung low, while jisoo breezed past her easily as though she hadn't just beat up several hostile men many times taller than she was.

jennie ran into her arms and jisoo caught her instantly. they hugged tightly like reunited lovers, swaying on the spot without a care before jisoo pulled back and cupped jennie's face.

"you're not hurt right?" jisoo asked, inspecting her intently. she brushed loose hair from jennie's face with what rosie could only describe as incredible tenderness. it made her envious of the way jisoo looked at jennie, as though nothing else existed. she also had looked at her boyfriend in that manner but they still ended up crashing and burning in the end, too blind to see reality.

"never felt better, chu, stop worrying," jennie laughed, handing over the safely capped syringe before she curled up against jisoo's front again. "we didn't get to do something high-energy last time. mmm, i missed this."

"you mean you missed being the villain couple of the month?" lisa rasped, startling them all by her hoarse voice, "well congrats, you win hands down. you're both disgusting."

this made everyone chuckle a little, even though rosie's laugh was especially high-pitched, her nerves still jangled from the encounter.

she couldn't decide whether to process the fact that they had just survived an attack, or the fact that lisa was alright, or that she had managed to defend herself, or that jennie and jisoo were both efficient, ruthless fighters, armed and dangerous and completely willing to sacrifice their friends just to gain the upper hand in the fight to strike at the right time.

"anyway, we're done here," jisoo said at length. "it was a really stroke of luck you tied up my hair jendeuk, i could move about so much better."

"you're welcome," jennie said pleased. "can we get going now? i'm famished."

"yeah let's go, i don't know what you guys injected them with but i'm not dilly-dallying around to find out," lisa agreed.

"what's manoban by the way?" jennie asked curiously. "i heard that leader guy call you that. is it like a codename?"

"that would be cool but unfortunately, it's just my surname. full name is lalisa manoban," lisa winked. "well, apologies for the dumb gate-crashers that crashed the party. bunch of turds who keep tagging around instead of minding their own business but don't worry about them. they bark but they don't bite...much."

lisa's smile was still a bit too fixed for rosie's liking. a quick head to toe scan didn't reveal any alarming gashes or bleeding requiring urgent medical attention, though her pant leg had a dark stain that made rosie frown.

"what?" lisa asked, catching rosie observing her. she gripped her mallet tighter, her face darkening. "those jerks didn't hurt you, did they? cos if they did, i'll smash their faces in while they sleep, it will be my pleasure—"

"i'm fine, i'm fine. just some cuts from the glass," rosie said quickly, touched by lisa's protectiveness.

lisa herself looked pretty dishevelled with some cuts on her face, making rosie reach out for her, concern colouring her eyes.

"lisa, how are you feeling?"

at sound of her name, lisa immediately hunched her shoulder and turned away, crushing rosie in one fell swoop. the rejection stung badly but rosie couldn't comprehend why her heart felt like it was breaking apart with just a mere gesture.

"you got the bag, good," lisa grunted, "let's get out of here and go eat before more of them chumps show up or something."

"lisa but you got hurt, your leg is bleeding and when you fell, you hit your head, what if you get a concussion..." rosie trailed off as lisa pushed past her and flung the sports bag and mallet into the backseat.

rosie felt someone take her hand and looked down to see jennie looking at her in consternation, squeezing her hand tightly.

"give her some space," jisoo said softly from the other side. "she's been rattled, and so have you. jennie will drive, as precaution. i'll supervise."

"no, i'm driving. psycho is not touching anything in here," lisa called, having overheard.

"lisa, i'm not taking chances," jisoo said firmly as lisa's mouth snapped shut again, "jennie is driving and that is final."

"ugh pinky what about you? lemme guess, too dainty to drive?" lisa said, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"no," rosie said, wounded, "no i don't have my license yet either. it's a bit...scary..."

lisa snorted but didn't comment again.

"i would drive but i don't have my license," jisoo chimed in.

"you don't have your license?" lisa said incredulously. "you're in the top percentile of the country and you can karate-kick the bad guys, but you cant drive?"

"believe it or not, learning how to drive takes time, which i don't always have," jisoo smiled as she patted rosie and pushed her forward. "now, i know you value the car but just this once, let jennie drive. she doesn't have a license but she's good, i can vouch for her."

"daddy lets me drive karts around the racetrack we have at the manor," jennie said enthusiastically. "i think it's because he hopes i'll crash and die."

"okay, didn't need the morbid details, thanks," lisa grimaced.

she glanced at rosie's pleading expression before she sank back with a defeated sigh. "fine whatever then, if it gives you peace of mind. but i'm sitting next to psycho. you can supervise her from the backseat."

"you have yourself a deal," jisoo grinned and they all piled in.


	8. midnight picnic: the noodle affair, the broken wheel and the sad song

they had been zooming along the highway, passing through several districts with lisa shaking her head and instructing jennie to keep driving. sometimes police sirens would ring out in the distance and rosie always noticed lisa tensing up.

now that she had learned of lisa burning down a house and possibly being part of a gang before made sense as to why she would be on edge whenever she heard them, though she did a pretty good job of hiding her anxiety.

but rosie was watching her closely, eyeing her fearfully in case lisa suddenly collapsed in front of her, since rosie had taken the seat behind lisa. whenever lisa turned her head, rosie always snapped her gaze elsewhere, afraid of being caught. she didn't want to annoy lisa any further, since she seemed to do that quite well without even trying.

"oi pinky."

rosie's looked up so fast she nearly got whiplash. lisa wasn't looking at her and for a moment, she thought she had imagined her calling her nickname.

"stop looking at me like i'm about to die or something," lisa said, suddenly facing backwards.

rosie found herself drowning in her piercing doe-eyes, glassy as they reflected the speeding streetlamps that were zipping by overhead.

"i'm not," rosie said quickly. she was lying; she had been practically drilling holes in lisa's head as she worked to figure out the mysterious girl.

"yes you are," lisa sighed. "look, i'm fine. think happy thoughts. i dunno, whatever it is you college chicks think about. how about that legally blonde movie you mentioned? or food? yeah, think about food you like that you're gonna eat."

"lisa, stop it. stop with your foolish tough talk. you've been through an ordeal, don't tell me that you're fine after you got roughed up like that," rosie said flatly, "because i'm not buying it."

"she's a persistent one, hey?" lisa remarked, leaning on the car door. "listen pinky do you have siblings? brother or sister? both?"

"sister." rosie paused wistfully. "my older sister alice. she's in australia though. and coincidentally, she just became a lawyer too, like jisoo."

"sweet. another smart chick in the fam. i imagine she's pretty as well?"

 _another smart chick? pretty as well? meaning lisa found her smart and pretty?_ the thought had her face grow warm for some reason."uhm well...i guess?"

"great great and i imagine you had scuffles and tussles when you were kids, probably fighting over your barbies?"

"uh...yeah? a little? we didn't really fight—"

"i played chess with my brother," jisoo volunteered. "we didn't fight unless it was during training. we weren't allowed to fight otherwise."

"jisoo you need to get a life," lisa groaned. "dare i hope that maybe you squabbled with psycho here at least one time in your life?"

"no way. jichu would never fight with me, right chu?" jennie asked without turning her head, hyper-focused on the road ahead of her. jisoo nodded solemnly in agreement.

lisa sighed before turning to rosie again. "anyway at least one of us didn't have a stunted childhood. so pinky, think of tonight in that way, just a scuffle and little quarrel between siblings, that's all, only five times meaner cos the boys play rough and jungkook's just a big bully."

"are you kidding?" rosie said shrilly. "you're comparing a kids' fight to that clobbering those thugs gave you back there? we would have been beaten to a pulp as well!"

"who on earth uses the word 'clobbering' anymore?" lisa snorted. "look, it's seriously cool. i had my fair share of roughhousing it with them boys, you just gotta suck it up and fight back when the going gets tough cos there's no place for sissies. you either stay and fight to make your place amongst the gang, or you're turfed out."

"and it seems you got...ah, turfed out tonight then?" jisoo asked delicately.

lisa suddenly appeared very interested in her hammer, chipping away at the garish yellow paint. "yeah, well, i'm better off without those losers," lisa muttered, "they're all a bunch of turds. it was fun while it lasted but i'm going solo from now on. saves me the trouble of saying goodbyes."

rosie could only look on helplessly, having the urge to hug lisa because the girl looked so lonely and bitter as she spoke, standing all by herself on the other end of a bridge that stretched away from them into the distance over an unfathomable black, back abyss.

she had no idea about lisa's history, she had no idea if this was all a ruse so that lisa would earn their pity but in so far, rosie had to admit that lisa was probably one of the most sincere, blunt people she had ever met. she did keep her guard up with her tough act, but she didn't fake niceties.

"going solo yet you picked us up?" jisoo asked, quirking an eyebrow in amusement.

"give it a rest, jisoo," rosie said softly, "she only picked me up because...well, i needed help. and so did you. it was kind of her to go out of her way like that."

if rosie had looked to the side, she would have spied lisa staring at her with a very strange expression, her mouth splintered into a crooked smile. and if rosie had x-ray vision or advanced hearing, she would have picked up on lisa's heart, almost frozen numb, suddenly beating faster than it had for a good long while.

lisa flashed her signature cocky grin. "hey, it's all good. i just wanted to get my mind off stuff and blow off some steam. then i ran into you gals and it's been a scream so far. hey psycho, turn up that fleetwood mac, let's all vibe!"

she winked at rosie, who returned the gesture with a hopeful smile, quietly happy that lisa was officially back in good spirits again.

>

"thank you for riding with lisa, and not on top of her, which is actually rather regrettable come to think of it cos wow, that girl's got moves in bed, i can tell you."

"lisa!" rosie cried, scandalised.

"hold on to your wig, honey," lisa grinned before she cleared her throat. "ahem, this is your smoking hot stewardess speaking—since i was officially demoted from driver—we hope you enjoyed the drive and please wait until the vehicle has stopped moving since as stated before, i'm not in the mood for hospital visits. cash tips, once again, are highly appreciated," lisa finished with flourish, making the others laugh while the mustang drew up to a squat building with an unlit neon sign on the outside.

"is this another legal break-in?" rosie asked dryly as they got out of the car and approached the doors.

"oh you got a sense of humour, wicked," lisa said in delight, twirling her hammer. "nah sweetheart, this time round, it's legal as legal can be. wait here just one sec."

she winked before strolling out of sight around the corner, leaving the three girls looking at each other curiously.

"she's going to break in from the back and open the doors," jisoo decided.

"but she said...it's going to be legal..." rosie said anxiously. she peered into the dark depths beyond the glass doors, straining to see. she could just make out what appeared to be shelves upon shelves, much like supermarket aisles. all was still and silent until something bright flickered at the very back.

"oh i can see lights!" jennie said excitedly, clapping.

"jendeuk, what did we say about the lights in the sky?" jisoo asked gently. "if they get too close, tell me, okay?

"no no no not those lights! look, inside the shop!" jennie said impatiently, pointing. she flattened herself against the dusty glass, peering in with excitement on her face. "oohhh it's waking up!"

and indeed when rosie glanced back, the shop's lights flickered on in sequence until the interior was bathed in white fluorescent light. Lisa's figure appeared as she strutted to the glass door and threw it open.

"come one, come all! welcome to cross roads, for all you weary travellers thirsting for this fine piece of ass—"

"lisa," rosie groaned.

"that's the spirit!" lisa grinned before hitting her head. "drat, i forgot to say 'open sesame'!"

rosie rolled her eyes, unable to stifle her smile at lisa's dramatic tendencies. "we're still impressed, don't worry."

"you are? fantastic! but wait till i impress you further. come in come in," she beckoned like a circus master welcoming in patrons.

as the three other girls trooped in, lisa explained: "this place was shut down maybe like a month ago. the gang i used to run with often came down here and foraged for late night snacks, as you can see from all the trash lying around so mind your step..."

she gestured at the pile of empty packaging, plastic and cardboard detritus lying around their feet covering up the whole floor. there was also a distinct sour smell that roise was trying hard to ignore as she breathed through her mouth.

"aha i see you turning up your nose pinky!" lisa pounced on her. "as you can see boys will be boys and they're all just a bunch of filthy pigs who spill and muck around everything so bear with it till we get food and then we're outta here before you can say sexy motherfvcking lisa."

"lisa!"

"you forgot sexy motherfvcking."

rosie shook her head and gave up. she turned to jisoo and jennie who were observing their surroundings with interest. "doesn't the smell bother you guys?"

"a little," jisoo grimaced, picking up a keg of root beer. "i'm impressed lisa, this place is still pretty well stocked for a looting hotspot."

"they did have one braincell, i'll give it to them," lisa said grudgingly. "they wanted to have a free place to come back and stock up any time till we ran out and found a new place. and since abandoned marts that still got food aren't so common as you'd think, they left some of the loot for next time." she tapped the side of her head. "the back door is always open you know, it has a padlock on it but it's just there for show."

"then why didn't you just let us in through there?" rosie asked, disgruntled.

"it's all about the drama, girlfriend," lisa grinned. "go ahead, roll your eyes at me, i know you want to!"

rosie did roll her eyes but she also turned away, shaking her head in amusement as she tried to hide her smile.

it was a bit unnerving, the range of emotions lisa, a stranger, was able to pull from her so effortlessly, the entire spectrum that rosie previously had forgotten due to her grief and sorrow. for many days venturing into weeks now, it had been a constant slow trudge of bewildered sadness as she sat and wallowed in her hurt.

but in the few hours since she had met lisa, she had already smiled, laughed, rediscovered fear and anxiety, got a taste of breaking rules, made new friends, had her sanity tested and forgot about her heartache.

"the smell is kinda similar to the smell of my cooler i think," jennie commented as she bent to examine a row of cereal boxes. "not very pleasant but i can take it much better now. especially when you gotta stay in there for days on end peeing yourself and sitting in your own crap."

"what?" rosie said, startled.

but jennie kept on talking nonchalantly as she peered at labels. "at least they blast me with water and soap afterwards though, like a car at the carwash. oh chu look, orange punch! i love orange punch! i haven't had orange punch in so long!"

she snatched it up and was about to open it when jisoo grabbed the bottle first. she checked the date carefully while she held jennie at arm's length, all the while jennie whined and pushed against her arm like an impatient toddler.

"hmm okay, it's good. here you go," jisoo pronounced finally.

jennie grabbed the bottle back eagerly, swiftly opening it and chugging it down like no tomorrow.

"slow down there psycho, you're gonna choke," lisa chuckled. "oh and you're probably gonna need the bathroom if you drink all that. there's a decent changing room too, back there. pinky you can change there too seeing as you're probably a bit of a prude when it comes to flashing us some skin."

before rosie could retort, jennie whizzed past them with lisa's bag on her shoulder, abandoning her orange punch in jisoo's hands. her bubbly giggles rang out throughout the mart.

"unnie, what did jennie mean about the cooler?" rosie frowned.

"the isolation room back at her home," jisoo explained, screwing on the bottle's cap. her face was drawn into a pained mask of lines as she steadied her voice. "after...after every escapade like this one, her father throws her into this...this cooler room and leaves her there for days on end as punishment for escaping. no bathroom or windows or lights and it's temperature adjusted. i don't know if she even gets food or water. and it's only jennie in there...slamming herself against the walls and crying in the cold dark for days..." jisoo's voice wavered at the end and she clenched her fists. "i only know because i threatened one of her guards to give me updates."

"that's..." rosie whimpered. "that's so..."

"sick," lisa finished, her voice barely above a whisper. "what kind of monster does that to his own kid? i thought he was a rotten apple but he's taking bad to a whole new level! that bastard dares to call himself a father?"

rosie shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. she tried imagining her father throwing her into a cold dark room and abandoning her there as punishment.

but she couldn't.

her father had always treated her and her sister like his little princesses, spoiling them both until their mother had to reluctantly step in as the strict parent. rosie only had fond memories of her papa and missed him desperately when she left australia to study in korea for the first time. memories of papa happily playing with his daughters and tucking them up to sleep after kissing them goodnight were some of the moments she held close to her heart to give her strength in times of hardship.

she couldn't picture him being the cruel monster jisoo described.

"unnie, how can he get away with that?"

"i don't know," jisoo croaked. "each time, i have to take her back knowing i'm making her go through that nightmare but she never blames me or is angry about it..."

"don't take her back! simple," lisa reasoned. "isn't there anywhere else for her to go? her mom? aunts or uncles? grandparents? heck, a foster home?"

"nothing," jisoo said quietly. "her mother died during childbirth. jennie's mom was an only child, as was mr kim. her grandparents from both sides are dead too. she...she only has me and mr kim."

lisa cursed, words so bad they made rosie's ears burn.

"well then report him! that's freaking abuse!" lisa exclaimed hotly. "doesn't your mole record anything?"

"i can't do anything," jisoo gritted. "there's nothing to incriminate mr kim, no footage or proof of any kind. the guard is already taking a huge risk reporting things to me, he doesn't dare try recording. and mr kim holds all power over jennie even though she's an adult, but her health certificates have always registered her as a mentally handicapped person, with her father being her sole guardian. i haven't found a way to overturn that yet. but i will," she finished determinedly. "one day, i'll get jennie out of that awful place."

"aww turn those frowns upside down!" jennie said gaily, grabbing a nearby squeaky trolley as she emerged from the corridor sporting some new jeans, sweater and jacket. "were you talking about me just now? come on, it's a small price to pay to see my jichu and the outside every once in a while. and i don't stay in there forever either! daddy just uses the cooler to try and scare me. gotta keep up the act now don't i? cos otherwise he might find some new punishment and we don't want that. kai and kuma and dalgomie are always with me, aren't you?"

she laughed and went gliding through the aisles, riding the cart as the wheels squealed. "oh jichu look, coco-pops! your fave!"

rosie could have sworn she heard jisoo sniff next to her but when she turned around, jisoo's face was carefully stoic, her smile practised, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"save some for me jendeuk," jisoo quipped.

"you gotta catch me first!" jennie laughed. "come on slow poke, dalgomie is faster than you! yip yip! heel boys heel!"

jisoo gave chase as jennie ran around the aisles, randomly grabbing items and dropping them in the cart as she whirled around without a care in the world.

"is the food really edible here?" rosie asked apprehensively, watching jennie tear into a carton and stuff her face with chips then instigate a food fight with jisoo. jisoo laughed and threw back a fistful of cereal from a packet she was holding. the mart filled with the sounds of their squeals and squeaky wheels.

"sure it's edible, you think i want y'all to just drop dead? as long as it hasn't expired yet, should be fine." lisa gestured over her shoulder. "if you want some fire noodles there's a hot water dispenser over there, you might wanna wait for it to heat up for a while though cos' it's a bit wack, and watch out for any stripped wires, some of the guys messed around with it last time so i hope it still works. be careful with it. and oh you can have some popcorn or fries too, they got a decent air-cooker here back in th staff room. you might wanna check them fries though, in case they're all mouldy by now. "

rosie's mouth watered, her stomach complaining incessantly for its long overdue meal. lisa chuckled to hear the small grumblings.

"hmm might as well join those two for some shopping before they wreck the place."

"won't you mind? them destroying it even though you and your...uhm friends kept it in semi-mint condition?"

lisa snorted. "will i mind if this hovel gets destroyed? it's a dump pinky, i ain't gonna get all emotional about a dump if it went up in flames. in fact, i'd be the first to burn it up. though burning up stuff isn't that much of a thrill anymore. novelty wears off if you got no angst left in ya."

before rosie could process this new puzzle piece that made up lisa, the other girl had pulled up a cart of her own from the several lying around. "this one got a busted wheel but it should serve us well." lisa gave a dramatic bow. "your carriage awaits, m'lady of the cherry blossom hair."

rosie shook her head, unable to conceal her smile. she placed a hand to her heart and pretended to swoon. "why how chivalrous of you, sir manoban. i've never been propositioned in this manner before, it set my heart all a-flutter."

"i know i should say something fancy and refined but i ain't no posh college chick," lisa grinned roguishly, "so i'll just say, the pleasure's all mine, ma'am."

"then have fun because i don't want to break my neck tonight," rosie said sweetly. she sauntered off towards the changing room, quietly chuckling as she replayed lisa's slack-jawed expression.

after rosie had changed into a warmer outfit, lisa had given them a tour of the supermarket place whilst randomly grabbing items. she kept up a lively and entertaining patter as she walked.

"what's this what's this? ladies and psycho lady, i give you—milk by the gallon that only expired two weeks ago! fancy some fermented yoghurt on the house? cheese a la french? come one come all, roll up roll up! yoghurt fresh from the shelf, bitter and guaranteed to make your gut run! half price, what a steal!"

jennie had wandered around the place grabbing and snatching and dropping items distractedly as her eyes shone like a kid let loose in toyland.

despite being practically in shambles with an awful lingering smell and the horrifically poor choices of wall paint (garish orange adjacent to mint green) would feature in any interior designer's nightmares, rosie had to admit the place wasn't so bad. 

for instance, it had food that she could eat.

she got down to work, rummaging though the shelves and aisles to rustle up a meal out of the mismatched processed food items she found that hadn't yet expired: noodles, popcorn packets, dumplings, peanut butter and jam, crackers, hot pockets, ketchup bottles, sciracha sauce and soy sauce, cereal packets and even a couple bags of fries that turned out to be okay after she checked them thoroughly.

while she fussed around, the other three were busy playing food wars behind her: knocking over shelves, clambering over aisles and pelting each other with food produce all the while shouting at the top of their lungs.

rosie only took in the extent of damage when she turned around to announce that food was done and came face to face with three panting sheepish faces and a destroyed mart that looked very much like a stampede of wildebeest had barrelled past in the midst of a hurricane. it stank to high heavens but by now rosie had gotten used to the reek.

"wow you guys got busy," rosie remarked looking them up and down. "i think you're all going to need to change."

"good idea," lisa said hastily, "psycho here nearly squirted me with mustard in the face. if it got in my eyes or my bangs, you'd be dead."

"you'd have to get past jichu first. and you saw what she did to those guys back there!" jennie retorted. rosie was amused to see lisa wilt and walk away without another word as a wide smirk took over jisoo's face.

once the mischief trio returned from changing into a fresh outfit courtesy of the clothes from lisa's sports bag, they were greeted with an impressive spread of food that had their mouths watering.

"let's sit under this vent, we'll be able to get some fresh air instead of all this stink," rosie suggested, herding her friends to sit in a corner in hopes that the rancid smell wouldn't have them all nauseous as they ate. "i found us some wet napkins to wipe our hands with."

"we'll smell like a baby's butt then."

rosie ignored the teasing comment and continued laying out the food.

"you worked up quite an appetite there pinky," lisa commented, sounding rather impressed.

"well, it's for all of us actually," rosie said shyly and passed her one of the noodle pots. "um, i hope you don't mind spicy noodles? you can have my share of mandu in exchange if you don't like them."

she was puzzled as to why lisa's face registered astonishment before she recovered and quickly took the noodle pot from rosie's hand. their fingers brushed ever so slightly in the midst of the transaction and rosie felt a little jolt which quickly transformed into heat crawling up her face.

the noodles are that hot even just from smelling them huh?" jennie said innocently. "rosie's all red."

"no its just hot in here now and i've been cooking too," rosie fibbed. luckily, lisa didn't notice anything as she was too busy digging into the noodles with gusto while jennie gobbled down popcorn, sloshing ketchup on them as jisoo nibbled on the peanut butter crackers.

it made rosie smile seeing her friends helping themselves to bizarre mix of food she prepared. although she was sure she could have eaten all four pots of noodles and a good portion of the other food, she felt strangely content sharing alongside the others instead of eating all by herself.

jennie had some difficult holding up chopsticks ("i don't use chopsticks much, usually i just use my hands or else i'm fed by other people cos they don't trust me with forks") so jisoo helped her, even fashioning a bib from a scarf jennie had looted.

though the location was far from romantic, it didn't stop rosie from picturing the two girls in front of her as a lovey-dovey couple on an intimate dinner date. jisoo deftly pinched up noodles for jennie to eat, carefully timing the whole process so that no spillages happened. they smiled at each other after every successful bite, eyes crinkling into crescents as jennie's cheeks bunched up while she chewed, making jisoo coo at her.

anyone with eyes could see they were utterly smitten if not downright in love with each other.

rosie wondered why it was so hard for jisoo and jennie to admit that to themselves.

lisa meanwhile was busy inhaling everything within reach. she picked up noodles, crackers, sauces, dumplings, cheeseballs, popcorn and her portion of fries. her mouth chewed non-stop.

"unnie, aren't you going to eat?" rosie wondered after she observed jisoo for a while. jisoo shook her head.

"i'll just eat afterwards don't worry."

"why don't you share the same chopsticks?" lisa said thickly through a mouthful of noodles. she started coughing. "oh heck hot hot hot! pass me the punch!"

"i told you to be careful!" rosie scolded, handing her the bottle of orange juice. lisa threw her head back, glugging down the orange juice to abate the heat as tears leaked from her eyes from the peppery flavour. "it's good, but so hot!" she gasped, red in the face.

jisoo hesitated at lisa's suggestion, gaze flickering nervously from the chopsticks in her hands to jennie's pouting lips. "i don't think it's proper..." she began carefully, averting her eyes.

"can you try maybe with two hands unnie?" rosie asked, coming to the rescue. "feed jennie with one hand and then feed yourself with the other?

jisoo shook her head dolefully. "i don't think so, i don't know how to hold chopstics with both hands." she swirled her own cupful of noodles, swallowing hard as she licked her lips hungrily. "i'll just re-heat them if they get cold again."

"or alternate feeding her one bite and then switch to yours," rosie suggested.

"that doesn't sound like a bad idea jichu," jennie agreed. "you get to eat without your noodles getting cold."

"hang on, i got this," lisa said, sidling up close to rosie. "pinky, hand me your chopsticks."

rosie turned, startled to find lisa sitting so close their knees were touching. "why? what do you need them for?"

lisa didn't answer her. "actually i think imma have to scoot closer. same goes for you pinky, budge up."

dumbfounded, rosie obeyed, shuffling closer to sit next to jisoo so that all four of them were sitting in a row. and now when she looked up, lisa was sitting close enough for rosie to count her eyelashes. her heart gave a kick in her chest and rosie swallowed, uncertain where to direct her gaze.

"eyes up here pinky, i don't know what you're staring at, my chest is flatter than a punctured tire," lisa winked. she chuckled as rosie fumbled for an excuse, mortified for being caught staring.

it's not like she had wanted to look at lisa's chest, but it was there in front of her. otherwise she would have to lock eyes with lisa, which had her feeling shy.

"this is how it's gonna go," lisa said as she took up rosie's cup and the chopsticks. " i will feed pinky. pinky feeds jisoo. jisoo feeds jennie. simple."

"what about you...oh..." rosie said, her eyes wide when she spotted the empty cartons behind lisa.

"way ahead of ya," lisa smiled. she lifted the cup just underneath rosie's chin to catch any spillages. "trust me okay? and better blow on it so you don't burn yourself," lisa said softly. it was an entirely different tone than rosie was used to hearing all evening so it caught her by surprise.

"now say aaah," lisa said. she lifted the cup just underneath rosie's chin to catch any spillages, holding the noodles level with rosie's mouth. "blow on it pinky, cool it off. i don't want you to burn your tongue."

"oh uhm okay..." rosie said nervously. she hated the slight waver in her voice. what did she have to be bashful for? it was just her new friend lisa, offering to be helpful out of nowhere and gently trying to feed her some mouth-watering noodles to help out their other new friends jisoo and jennie.

_stop thinking about it so much._

she blew on the noodles to cool them, avoiding lisa's heavy gaze. it's not that rosie minded per se, but something about having lisa watching her so closely had a funny effect on her, making her suddenly hyper-aware of every little action she did in lisa's presence.

rosie struggled to explain why lisa affected her so much.

she ate in silence, doubly aware of the slurping sounds as she hastily swallowed down a morsel before turning around to jisoo patiently waiting her turn to eat a mouthful, who in turn then fed jennie.

the plan worked smoothly because soon rosie forgot all about her bashfulness every time she caught lisa's eyes on her and instead focused wholly on filling her belly and feeding jisoo.

>

the double doors of the supermarket burst open as jennie hurtled through door like a bullet, pushing lisa in a trolley and whooping like hooligans. behind them they left an entire shop in disarray with the yards and yards of toilet paper draping over shelves in between aisles and even hanging from the ceiling like halloween mummy decorations.

as lisa reasoned, halloween was just around the corner anyway.

"wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" jennie cried gleefully.

"coming through make way make way!" lisa yelled, flinging cheeseballs in ever direction like a confetti explosion. "yooooooooo!"

the two girls zoomed out into the empty parking lot laughing and shrieking like banshees at the top of their lungs, with jennie hopping on the cart as they skidded across the surface.

"maybe i shouldn't have let jennie drink all that punch," jisoo mumbled as she and rosie followed them outside, "or eat all those frosties...or the popcorn. and the mandu. maybe the mandu were a little too much. do you think they were too much? i think they might have been a little too much..."

"oh you think?" rosie snorted. "they look like they're on crack for heaven's sake." she gestured exasperatedly at the pair wildly spinning around and cackling together like geese.

"it's the sugar rush," jisoo said lamely. "i knew it affected jennie, makes her super hyper and energetic but she was so hungry...i couldn't resist."

they watched as jennie tilted her head back and howled like a wolf, with lisa immediately copying and howling back. before long, a howling competition was initiated.

"should we wait for the crash?" rosie wondered. "how long does jennie take to calm down usually? and i wonder lisa...." her eyes were on the short-haired girl wildly squealing her heart out as jennie spun them around like a merry-go-round.

those two together proved to be as mischievous as a couple of kittens on the loose.

after finishing their food and the orange punch, it was lisa's idea to run around and cover everything in toilet paper as well have rounds of trolley jousting and bowling with soda bottles. she even took it to her head to throw rancid yoghurt at the walls making rosie's nausea double. she was majorly glad some of the air-circulation vents were still working otherwise she would have passed out already.

"when we were kids, sometimes it took a whole day of running to tire out jendeukie, especially if she got her hands on food, sugary snacks in particular." jisoo smiled nostalgically as she watched the girls frolic. "it's the main reason i took up track running and working out....to be able to keep up with her and keep her safe."

"you really care about her that much your whole life is built around her," rosie said in awe. she immediately regretted her words when jisoo's face fell.

"i only wish i could do more," jisoo said soberly. "jendeuk...she's everything to me. but i can't do anything."

rosie reached out and stroked jisoo's arm comfortingly, hoping the older girl would understand what she was trying to convey.

_you mean a lot to her too. you're enough for her._

by the small smile jisoo gave her, rosie deemed her efforts successful.

"oi you musty crusty bishes back there! get your musty crusty asses over here and have some funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!" lisa squealed out the last part as jennie gave the trolley a hard spin, sending lisa whirling in circles. lisa leaned all the way back, her head hanging over the trolley's edge and laughing hilariously as cheeseballs scattered and littered the ground around her like snow.

"pinkyyyyyyyyyyy wahhhhh everything's spinning like a washing machine! round and around and around and around and—"

"lisa! please be careful!" rosie called anxiously, already stepping out into the parking lot, "i should go stop her before she pukes up everything..."

"oh hey there's two of you now! no three! or four? wait why are y'all spinning? don't leave me i wanna spin too!" lisa chuckled hilariously as rosie reached her and pulled her to gradual stop.

"lisa, breathe deeply and look up at the stars, focus on them," rosie said. "breathe in, and breathe out until everything settles."

"hmm whatever ya say angel," lisa grinned lazily before her eyes screwed up. "oop, i feel sick..."

"no you don't!"

"i do actually. i kinda really actually do—"

lisa cut off abruptly as she turned her head and vomited, retching violently as she emptied her guts. rosie merely sighed and patted her back, doing her utmost to quash her own queasiness as she kept her eyes carefully averted.

"well, that was embarrassing. and a waste. sorry," lisa muttered as she sat back with her arm around the almost empty cheeseball jar. despite saying it was embarrassing, lisa had no trouble holding rosie's gaze. "not the best impression to make in front of ya, pinky, eh? hey someone get me more punch, my mouth tastes like shit."

rosie smiled, finding lisa's slight pout endearing. "you're such a kid. feeling better?"

"a tad queasy. can you wheel me away from my puke please? it really stinks."

"sure thing you big baby."

without warning, rosie shoved lisa's trolley, sending her skidding across the parking lot. lisa screeched in delight, throwing her arms up as though she was riding a rollercoaster. "wheeeeeeeeeeee—"

she cut off abruptly as the busted wheel of her trolley finally broke off. the trolley tilted violently and crashed on its side as lisa slammed to the ground and didn't move.

rosie froze.

a scream built up inside her chest at the sight of the motionless girl lying face down on the cold ground.

"oh shit!"

and then she was running towards lisa and crouching down next to the unconscious girl, almost in tears. "lisa! lisa! oh god, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, please..."

 _she's hurt she's hurt she's hurt_ rang in her head like alarm bells, followed by _my fault my fault my fault._

"unnie, lisa's hurt!" rosie cried out, her voice carrying on the brisk night air. she didn't even dare touch lisa or turn her over to check if she was breathing. "god, what did i do..."

a hand gripping on to her wrist snapped rosie out of her panic as she looked down and found lisa smiling up at her.

that damned smile coupled with those sparkling eyes reflecting the stars hit her like a punch to the gut and for one brief moment, everything stilled, everything faded away and it was just lisa's doe eyes staring up at her.

"you're okay," rosie said immensely relieved, sniffling. her hand quivered in lisa's grip. "i thought...i thought..."

lisa squeezed her hand tightly as jisoo and jennie hurried up.

"is she alright? ask her how many fingers she's seeing," jisoo called in concern.

"i'm peachy guys, chillax," lisa chuckled but she didn't move and she didn't take her hand back either. she simply continued to smile at rosie.

"so you _can_ say shit too, pinky," lisa grinned as though she had just made the single most important discovery in all of humanity. forget the wheel or the electric lightbulb—rosie's ability to swear was far more momentous.

rosie's forehead wrinkled. "you gave me a scare when you slammed down and almost split your head open and all you can think of is the fact that i said shit?"

"ah, you said it again!"

"are you being serious right now?" rosie demanded incredulously.

"well, i just thought prim and proper college chicks like yourself couldn't curse is all, like they literally can't curse," lisa explained as jisoo helped her stand up. she still wore her broad grin, but her eyes softened seeing rosie still shaken. she stroked small circles on rosie's wrist.

"hey, hey. i'm fine, i'm all in one piece. i'm used to roughing around, remember?"

"did she hit her head?" jisoo asked, examining her with a clinical gaze. "lisa, walk in a straight line."

"i'm not sure... lisa, you sure you're okay? you're not nauseous or anything?" rosie asked again to be sure.

"i'm perfectly fine, thanks for checking though."

"can i drive again then if she hit her head?" jennie asked brightly.

"yeah would be best," jisoo decided, still sceptical.

lisa groaned but gave in with little fight, digging into her pocket and throwing jennie the keys who caught them and skipped away, chirping happily to herself. jisoo nodded at lisa and rosie before she followed after jennie.

rosie shook her head, finally noticing that lisa had let go of her hand. she had almost gotten used to the strangely comforting grip; it had been a while since someone held her hand.

rosie surfaced from her thoughts in time to hear lisa say: "so do you get allowed to like, curse at least once every day, or every week?"

it made rosie shake her head. "just because i'm not cursing or swearing with every breath i take doesn't mean i don't get pissed or mad or frustrated too. and when i do, i can curse too. come on lisa, get over the idea that i'm prim and proper little miss perfect. nobody's perfect."

it might have been her imagination playing tricks on her, but as rosie walked away she could have sworn she heard a voice behind her softly say: _"except you."_

she didn't turn around.

>

"where are we going now?" rosie asked once they hit the road again. "another food place?"

"you're still hungry?" jennie asked in utter awe, turning around and letting go of the wheel. she gawked at rosie with open-mouthed amazement. "where do you even fit everything? you're so slim! oh i know! do you have like a separate stomach for dessert? jichu once said that humans have a separate stomach for—"

"jen!" jisoo yelped frantically, clinging to her seat.

"hey hey psycho! eyes on the road!" lisa chided as she grabbed the wheel. "you wanna meet the big j upstairs so soon?"

jennie huffed. "it's not like there's anyone else out here right now," she muttered. indeed they were cruising along a quiet highway road, heading towards yet another mystery destination.

"i know but lesson one of the road is you don't take your eyes off the road. and lesson two of the road is don't take your eyes off the road. don't give me attitude now, rosie agrees, jisoo agrees, everyone agrees. heck even your imaginary dog friends agree!"

"i'd agree more if you threw out that infernal guitar," jisoo said, balefully eyeing the object of her distaste cradled in lisa's arms.

"excuse you, this is an ukulele and it's my precious baby. we go through ups and downs together and if you think i'm gonna let you get your grubby hands on it then you've got it coming," lisa said loftily, caressing the instrument. she turned to rosie again as everyone settled once more after jennie's sudden break from driving. "so, you still hungry?"

rosie was still blushing pink from jennie's amazement at her apparent hunger that could have caused them to crash. "well um...i could always squeeze in dessert somewhere," she mumbled.

"i'm sorry we can't get you ice-creams today pinky, all the places i go to are abandoned dumps. maybe another time," lisa said contritely.

rosie only registered that lisa implied another time of meeting up together and the thought had her feel warm and fuzzy for some reason before lisa went on.

"and i'm not going anywhere near any ice cream shop tonight. but you'll see, it won't be such a bad place, i think you'll take to it just fine. anyone wanna guess where we're headed?"

"if you don't quit with your strumming i'm gonna break that thing in half," jisoo said tersely next to rosie.

lisa laughed as she plucked the strings to provoke her on purpose while jisoo glared. it wasn't that lisa was playing badly, but apparently any kind of string instrument grated on jisoo's nerves. 

"reminds me too much of violin lessons," jisoo scowled. "practice ate up precious time that i could have spent with jendeukie."

"you know, there's plenty other things to occupy your time other than chasing after jennie—okay then," lisa piped down quickly before she could finish her sentence because jisoo looked about ready to strangle her. lisa went back to twisting the cranks and tuning her ukulele, strumming chords.

jennie herself didn't seem to mind the strains of music as she was busy driving again with a huge smile on her face. and rosie was intrigued by this new revelation of lisa. she was curious to see lisa's skills with the ukulele, secretly happy that they had something new in common, namely music.

lisa had surprised them all when she pulled the ukulele from the trunk before they took off driving again. the ukulele was a plain colour with no customisation or accessory, but rosie couldn't take her eyes off it, admiring its shape and colour. the instrument looked natural cradled in lisa's arms as she twisted cranks and strummed absently. rosie didn't have a chance to notice before, but lisa's fingers were gorgeously long and slim, perfect for the piano.

the way she plucked the strings told rosie that lisa was no mere poser either, with her head tilted to hear better whilst tuning, closing her eyes to concentrate.

"is nobody gonna try guessing? y'all are no fun," lisa groaned after she seemed satisfied with the tuning process. she glanced at rosie and chuckled seeing her eyes glued to the ukulele. "y'all, i should find someone who stares at me the way pinky here is eyeing my uke. you know how to play it, honey bunch?"

"oh no," rosie shook her head shyly, "i mean i do play guitar but i never played an ukulele before..."

"i would assume they're pretty similar," lisa replied. "wanna try?"

"manoban," jisoo warned tightly. even rosie frowned at jisoo's admonishment.

"unnie, can't you at least try to tolerate it for a little, i really wanna hear—"

"stuff your ears if you don't wanna listen jisoo," lisa laughed brazenly, "pinky and i have some quality time to catch up on, i owe her one for the fright i gave her. now, where were we?"

"hey chu, dalgom kinda wants to listen to lisa's playing if that's okay," jennie called from her driver seat. "he just told me so. please?" she added hopefully.

jisoo grumbled and sighed but nodded.

"thanks psycho, that makes up for nearly taking us to meet our maker back there ," lisa winked before she turned to rosie with a grin. "well madame, how about i serenade you tonight?" her eyes sparkled merrily as she waited for rosie to answer.

"not a very ideal location," rosie replied in jest. she had to raise her voice to be heard over the sound of the wind whooshing past them as jennie drove.

lisa only smiled. "you didn't say no."

rosie rolled her eyes. "i'm just curious. you didn't strike me as the type to sing, much less play an ukulele. you would have fit more...in a rock band."

"i do like my nirvana as much as the next rocker but overturning cliches' is my occupation, pinky," lisa winked. "well since you didn't say no, allow me. hey psycho, slow down a little, 'kay?"

and then lisa's eyes lowered to her ukulele as she strummed, the upbeat melody sounding unfamiliar to rosie as she leaned forward to hear better.

"endless night," lisa sang, her voice sweet and light, "love trapped us in a windowless room. what can we say? long for love even though it hurts every time..."

then her voice dropped in pitch as she strummed. "get hurt and break down, i don't know what's keeping me to hold on. if i leave you anyway, i'll hate you in my pained state. we can't end it before it's over, it's as if we've been waiting for this agony.."

even jisoo was listening—rosie noticed her pretending to be uninterested when in reality she kept sneaking glances, looking quite impressed.

"maybe it's all just for a moment,"lisa sang, nostalgia slipping in her tone, "what are we looking for so aimlessly?" 

then her voice rose higher, powerful and all consuming, swirling with unrestrained emotion as it engulfed rosie: "but i don't care i'll do it over and over// i just need you in my life.."

she glanced in rosie's direction before looking away, whispering: "we are the lovesick girls..."

rosie listened spellbound as lisa kept on playing without singing, heart aching because the song was speaking to her, the melody, the lyrics, lisa's voice, lisa's pain bleeding through the song itself...

what was this song? why did it _feel_ so familiar though she never heard it before? why did it sounds like a song her heart could easily have sung in lament of her broken relationship?

who had hurt lisa?

"that was quite something," jisoo admitted grudgingly as lisa finished with flourish and dipped her head graciously at the end of her performance. "i don't know the song though, never heard of it."

"wahh that was amazing!" jennie clapped like a delighted seal. "dalgom and kuma and kai enjoyed it a lot! and so did i! play something else!"

"psycho, the wheel!" lisa scolded in exasperation, as she grabbed on to the steering wheel for a second time. "seriously, do that one more time and i'll revoke your driver status even if your jichu doesn't agree with me."

"oh no actually i agree," jisoo nodded solemnly. "jennie, try to be more careful please? we don't want to die and we're on the road right now, not the race track."

"sorry chu," jennie pouted.

"apology accepted," jisoo smiled and patted jennie's shoulder, who broke out in a broad grin afterwards.

"muchos gracias, jisoo." lisa tipped her head at rosie, back to her cocky self after that incredibly vulnerable performance. "well pinky, are you still doubting of my skills yet?" she was smiling but for the first time, rosie noticed a broken gleam, receding away to hide behind the tough act lisa put up.

"you sang very well actually," rosie said sincerely. "what's the song though? i never heard it before. i liked it."

lisa only put a finger to her mouth in the act of shushing as she winked. "ah, that is for me and the uke to know, for now."

and rosie smiled and shook her head, left to ponder yet another puzzle piece that made up lisa manoban.

lisa played other songs on the ukulele, sometimes singing and sometimes just playing the instrumental and having them guess what song it was as they drove on towards their mystery destination.

but all rosie could think about was lisa's song.


	9. heartbreak hotel

the mystery destination turned out to be an abandoned motel in a tourist village that had closed down a year ago. nearby was an arcade park that fell into disuse.

rosie could just make out the enormous shape of a ferris wheel against the backdrop of the night.

"it's so unreal," she whispered.

"what is?" jennie asked, who happened to be closest.

"like the fact that the ferris wheel and the amusement park is silent when you usually picture it as bustling and there's lights everywhere. even this motel here. and the supermarket back there too but since we were all making so much noise i didn't really stop to notice."

"so you're saying it's spooky then?" jennie asked with furrowed brows. she shivered, pulling up the furry shawl she had found from lisa's bag.

"it is a bit spooky because there's no people," rosie mused, casting about her for the right word. " but what i'm looking for... it's more like...it's more like an odd feeling... like being out of place."

"liminal spaces," jennie suddenly perked up, beaming. "that's your word. liminal spaces. jichu described it to me once."

"and do you still remember what i told you?" jisoo asked, much like a teacher testing her pupil.

jennie screwed her eyes shut tight as she recited. "liminal space in anthropology refers to the threshold of the—"

"no no, the other liminal space. the aesthetic one," jisoo corrected. "the one about empty airports."

jennie closed her eyes again. "liminal spaces is an aesthetic that refers to the feeling of being in a transitional space that has been abandoned and thus provides an element of ambiguity for an individual since the usual context of the said space is taken away."

"very good jendeuk, you still remember," jisoo beamed and jennie chirped happily.

liminal spaces...the description sounded nice to rosie.

"le gasp, pinky got schooled by psycho?" lisa called in mock suprise, failing to hide the glee in her voice. she chuckled when rosie rolled her eyes. "okay enough dilly dallying, ladies, i got the key. let's head in, come in come in, mind the step and wipe your feet please."

they trooped inside the lobby and lisa asked rosie for her phone again to use as a flashlight.

"battery's almost down," rosie said worriedly as she handed it over.

"did you need to call someone?" lisa asked.

rosie shook her head, feeling her gut give an unpleasant squirming sensation. no, she had nobody to call at all.

"no it's just...we'll be without light if jisoo unnie's phone runs out too."

"fret not darling, i will be your knight in shining armour if some ghoul attacks you AAAAAAAGH!"

lisa nearly jumped into rosie's arms as jennie sneaked up behind her and whispered a very soft "boo!"

rosie doubled up laughing on the spot along with jisoo and jennie as lisa attempted to regain her dignity. "ha ha very funny psycho," she deadpanned, "you caught me off guard."

"your face! that scream!" rosie gasped, holding her stomach. "it was perfect."

"glad my... _reactions_ entertain you then," lisa said stiffly, ego very much bruised.

"that was for scaring rosie earlier," jennie said smugly.

"oh yeah? wait till i get you for that."

"be my guest," jennie smirked, "but it won't be easy. i see plenty of monsters every day. dalgom and kuma protect me but kai is a bit more of a coward."

"are you seeing them now? the monsters?" jisoo asked anxiously. rosie noticed her gripping the fannypack around her waist tightly, relaxing once jennie shook her head no.

"nah. just some creepy voice now and then, but i know how to tune it out now thanks to you, chu."

lisa and rosie stared before glancing at each other. lisa cleared her throat.

"uh okay...as i was saying before we got way off track, pinky, don't worry about your phone running out. we're gonna head to the electricity mainframe and light up this place like a christmas tree. i'm hopeful that electricity still works and wasn't cut off here, the authorities tend to be more thorough with motels..."

and so thus lisa led the party, with rosie following closely. jennie walked, pranced, skipped and hopped behind rosie while jisoo brought up the rear, holding her own phone. lisa pointed out places to avoid stepping where rot had set in, as well as trying out different doors and briefly checking in rooms to make sure they were truly alone.

apparently, it wouldn't be the first time lisa and the gang she ran with encountered some other rival gang who had been hanging out before them. lisa wasn't keen on running into anyone tonight so she was very meticulous.

"lisa we're never gonna reach the main frame at this rate," rosie said anxiously.

"calm down i'm only checking a few key rooms. the fact we found the place locked, apparently quiet and the electricity still down makes it very likely nobody else is here. i just want to make sure. can't slip up again," lisa muttered. "i don't want any of those fvckers near me or you guys for that matter.

rosie's heart warmed, overflowing with simple gratitiude towards lisa for being careful on their behalf after their harrwing encounter with jungkook and his boys. so she quietly followed along, almost tripping in lisa's legs because she was pressing closely in the other girl's space to stay in the light as much as possible. the dark echoes of their footsteps did nothing to quash her childish fear of something going bump in the dark, but at least sticking close to lisa gave her some measure of security.

 _lisa was so brave and fearless_ , rosie reflected, _taking charge and leading forward like a general. i wish i was cool like her. i bet...i bet lisa is the type of girl **he** 'd like, not someone like me._

"we're here!" lisa announced excitedly, "and the lawd said, let there be light!"

fluorescent tubes flickered on, blinding rosie as she found herself in the control mainframe room that lisa mentioned. she had been so deep in her thoughts she hadn't realised they arrived.

"come come i still got lots to show you!" lisa said as she handed rosie's phone back. "follow me!"

>

"i never visited this place in its heyday," lisa said as they walked through corridors now bathed in warm yellow light. some of the wall lamps flickered weakly but to rosie's pleasant surprise many of them gave a familiar and comforting steady glow. "but i'm sure it must have been grand. i mean even the name sounds grand doesn't it?"

"the royal hotel?" rosie had glimpsed the unlit neon sign outside. "i guess so."

"it's boring though. cliché," lisa dismissed. "i prefer more creative names."

"oh yeah? like what?"

"hmmm..." lisa stroked her chin. "two months ago it was loveless motel. get it, because love motel....loveless motel. the irony, get it? i love it. and tonight hmm...tonight i'm gonna call it... heartbreak hotel."

lisa feigned a swooning gesture. "whew, i astound myself with my brilliant wittiness sometimes."

"so you're heartbroken?" jennie asked shrewdly, shivering. the motel was rather draughty and damp in some areas where gout had set in.

lisa's smile came out crooked. "yeah, you could say that i am...but then, isn't everyone here too, one way or other?"

and rosie was left to ponder her words as they moved on. even jennie quietened considerably after that answer, as though the words had struck a chord and resonated deeply. if it wasn't for lisa's lively commentary, the procession might as well have been for a funeral, all solemn and subdued.

the tour moved several floors up until they came to a landing and another staircase that was blocked by two diagonal planks, preventing them from going up.

"ah ah, it's unsafe," lisa said lightly when jennie edged closer to investigate. "we put up those planks to stop us if we're too drunk to notice. can't have anybody falling off now do we?"

"what's up there?"

"the sun deck. there's a pool too. might have filled up with all the rain lately, but it's probably filthy so no skinny-dipping recommended y'all."

"couldn't you just lock the door?" rosie reasoned.

"well ya see sherlock, the lock is broken," lisa explained. "these planks here don't do much as a deterrent i mean i could still jump over them right now. but when you're piss-ass drunk, maybe you wouldn't be able to go up with something blocking your way. in any case, i won't lose any sleep if someone does go through and then falls off the roof. it ain't my fault. i did my part in trying to prevent any occupational hazard, to be fancy and all. let's move on."

lisa veered off to a corridor and brought out another key, displaying her trademark mischievous smile.

"not many people see this one cos' it was private, a piss-off-if-you-don't-want-your teeth-smashed-in-with-ol' harls situation," lisa explained, "but for you gals, i'll make an exception since i'm in a generous mood and you also helped me out of that tight spot with jungkook..."

she turned the key in the lock and opened the door. "voilá! my own suite."

"rather dusty," jennie commented when lisa switched on the lights, "and stuffy." her eyes shone. "i love it! your own room in an abandoned motel!"

"sweet, right?" lisa grinned. "i haven't visited in a while. but if we open the windows and air it a bit, it's a decent place to have a sleep-over if y'all down for it."

"oh!" jennie said enthusiastically. "i'm down! i'm down! i call dibs on the bed!"

she was about to run and jump onto the queen size in the centre of the room before lisa held her back.

"yeah i don't recommend swan-diving on to the bed for hygienic reasons, psycho. but," lisa went on, "check this out."

she turned to the closet and opened it with flourish. "i got plenty of quilts and blankets and sheets—knicked them from the other rooms along with a shit ton of scented mothballs to keep them nice and fresh in case i needed an emergency place to crash at should things go south....like they did. so you could call this a homecoming party i guess?"

rosie stared, still processing the meaning behind lisa's words as the girl went on: "if we leave them to air out a bit along with the room itself, should be decent enough place for all four of us to crash here. what do you say?"

rosie couldn't resist the hopeful look in lisa's eyes. she took out a pile of bedding and turned to face lisa again with a smile. "sounds like a plan to me." the thrilled look on lisa's face wiped away her initial concerns about bedbugs and other critters possibly lurking around.

"i haven't ever been to a sleepover before," jennie said excitedly, bouncing up and down as jisoo and lisa brought out more bedding and started spreading it out on the floor after rosie did a quick sweep of the ground using a broom she found from a janitor's closet close by.

jennie suddenly stopped bouncing and sat down on the queen size, deep in thought. "what do you do at a sleepover exactly, lisa?" she asked, frowning.

lisa flashed her a wicked grin that indicated she was absolutely up to no good.

"well first things first," lisa said, "we gotta get slammed. that means shit-faced drunk for you non-alcoholicarians. and then... the real fun begins."

 _alcoholicarians....is she being serious?_ rosie thought.

"well, seems like we gotta find some other way to make it fun then, seeing as i forgot to bring along my favourite wine, darn," rosie said lightly with a warning edge to her tone that flew right over lisa's head.

"oh honey," lisa smirked, "folks don't call me sexy motherfucking lisa just for my looks, ya know. follow me, i gotta show you something neat."


	10. clash

"voilá," lisa said airily as she stood back to let her three friends gawk at the impressive array of liquor bottles on display behind the bar. "now whenever you like, i'm waiting for my gasps of adoration and throw in a 'sexy motherfucking lisa' while you're at it."

"holy shit lisa," jisoo whistled.

"frickin hell lisa," rosie exclaimed, eyes bulging.

"i like the green and orange one, can i taste that lisa?" jennie asked.

lisa face palmed. "i'm surrounded by idiots who can't understand that my ego needs constant adulation and praise to function. is it that hard to grasp?"

"you're bluffing right? they're not filled with...with alcohol. they can't be," rosie said breathlessly, scanning the bottles. she resisted the urge to snatch one up and inspect it.

"they sure are," lisa said proudly. "i kept the stash well hidden as you can see so no turd sniffs it out. now then."

she hopped over the bar counter and leaned across it next to the bottles, simpering at rosie. "what can i get you ladies? jisoo, name me your poison. psycho, i can fix you up with a cocktail. how about you pinky? i'm sure i got some rosé wine around here for ya. oh don't bother about paying, it's on the house—oi, psycho! no touchy!"

jennie yelped and retracted her hand quickly. she had been sneakily reaching for a golden coloured whiskey bottle.

"it's so pretty," jennie said, mesmerised. jisoo patted her shoulder.

"i'm afraid you aren't drinking tonight," jisoo said gently, "it's not safe. for any of us," she added meaningfully, "i don't want to have to rush anyone to the hospital cos they drank too much."

"but how are we going to have fun then?" jennie said sadly. "it won't be a proper sleepover, chu."

"we can have fun some other way," rosie comforted, "we can play some party games or—"

"ah chillax y'all," lisa groaned as she poured a shot of the amber coloured liquid and passed it over to an ecstatic jennie. "she's not even gonna like it in the first place, she's just like a kid. watch."

"lisa no!" jisoo cried but she was too late. transfixed, jisoo watched with dread as jennie snatched up the glass and gulped down the liquor in one breath.

true to her words, jennie gagged the moment she swallowed the shot, her lips pursing up as her face screwed up, coughing violently.

"bleeeeaaghhhh!" jennie yelled, "get it off get it off! the taste uuuughhh—"

"here ya go sugar, have some sugar," lisa snickered as she passed her some sugar packets and watched in amusement as jennie teared them open one by one and dumped them in her mouth. "see chu? you worry for nothing."

"i'm trying to be responsible for her, lisa," jisoo snapped. 

a vein at the side of her temple jutted out, indicating just how angry she was. "you saw what she was like because i let her eat too much, what more if she took it to her head to drink alcohol? what would happen if she drank too much? what if she got alcohol poisoning, huh? or any of you for that matter. what would happen then huh? you think you're gonna be the hero you think you are? you can barely save yourself!"

"jisoo," rosie began, taken aback by jisoo's outburst.

jisoo ignored her. "but why would i bother explaining responsibility to you anyway?" she sneered at lisa's frozen figure. "you wouldn't know about that now, would you? you're all about running your mouth and flirting with anything that moves before you get in their pants, but you don't give a damn about responsibilities—"

"unnie please," rosie said fearfully, a tight knot forming in her chest as she watched lisa work her jaw, her face darkening. "please stop, let's all just chill—"

"running around playing the tough girl and then too useless to even stand up to the boys you probably fucked at one point or another," jisoo pressed on relentlessly. "rosie almost got hurt because she knew you were getting your ass beaten but she came to save you even though she's a scaredy-cat. and then i almost had to blow our cover just to get you out but no, miss too-cool-to-care bounced back fine as rain thinking she could laugh it off like she laughs everything off—"

"shut the fvck up jisoo," lisa growled.

"oh yeah? make me," jisoo challenged. "go on, come at me, give it your best shot."

"no!" rosie jumped in front of jisoo, her gaze flicking back and forth frantically between the two girls. she was glad there was the bar counter separating them. "stop it! please stop it!"

she was hesitant to touch jisoo, whose face was twisted into a savage snarl. she was afraid jisoo might actually attack her right now—the girl had been calm and unperturbed all this time but it was clear that she was reaching her breaking point. after all, she was human too.

"unnie—"

just as she expected, jisoo threw her a death glare. "stay out of this, bitch."

"oi, don't call her that!" lisa barked. "pinky, move the hell out of the way or you'll get hurt."

"why are you even fighting?" rosie pleaded, fighting the tears that welled up even as she spoke. she sniffed impatiently, hating that she cried so easily.

"she started it, because she's a prick. who do you think you are to lecture me about responsibilities, huh? mind your damn business," lisa scoffed at jisoo. "just because you keep jennie on a loose leash and follow her around worshipping the ground she stands on, you call that responsible? why not admit that you're as much of a freak as she is?"

"lisa no—"

"you gloat over the fact that looking after jennie makes you feel good because you're just a hollow unfeeling shell incapable of feeling anything. you're just using jennie to feel something, to feel good about yourself because you're just a depressed fuck with no life outside of school."

"lisa!" rosie cried horrified as jennie shrank away.

"you're treading on thin ice, lisa," jisoo snarled, clenching her shaking fist.

"i sure am," lisa countered, "and you know what? you know i'm right."

"you?" jisoo gave a mean laugh. "who's gonna listen to a college dropout junkie who's forever dumpster hunting and slutting around—"

"i _don't_ slut around, cunt."

next second, lisa was leaping over the counter before rosie even blinked.

"lisa lisa no please!" rosie grabbed lisa's jacket just in time before she could hurl herself at jisoo and clung to her, wrapping her arms around her waist as she pressed against lisa's shoulder. her eyes sought jennie, silently begging her to calm down jisoo. jennie only stared back in bewildered shock.

"come on, come at me," jisoo goaded, holding her fists up. "you dare insult jennie and me? you're just a tramp that nobody wants!"

"shut up!" lisa screamed, struggling in rosie's grasp. "shut the hell up!"

a timid hand touched jisoo's arm, making her whirl around to behold jennie. 

"jichu," was all that jennie said.

jisoo drew a sharp breath, brow furrowed. "j-jendeuk? what is it? are you okay? are you hurt?"

jennie shook her head. "stop," she said simply and hugged jisoo's arm, rubbing her cheek against her shoulder. "dalgom was getting scared."

meanwhile, lisa was still shouting profanities as she fought to throw off rosie and attack an apparently defenceless jisoo.

"lisa stop this! stop, just stop!" rosie yelled, her voice cracking. "this is all so stupid, stop it! _please..._ "

lisa finally heard her through the red haze of rage. she looked to her side, noticing rosie's state.

dishevelled pink hair fell over rosie's face, her eyes were screwed shut, her bottom lip quivering with a lone tear running down her cheek. her lips were moving, silently mouthing _please please please._

guilt stabbed lisa right in the heart seeing the state of the shaking girl clinging on to her with absolutely no intention of letting go

their positions reminded lisa of a very familiar situation when she was still living with the turd. she would cling on to him whenever he got into a fight with other guys, begging him to stop once the argument escalated and tempers flared. on rare occasions, he listened. but since he was mostly drunk, he would merely shove her aside to plunge into a bloody fistfight with other boys they met up. those were the times she screamed so much and endured pain and fists and bruises, all for him.

when she looked at rosie, she pictured herself huddled in a corner, crying and begging for it all to stop. she had grown a tougher shell, but she still remembered what it was like to be helpless and terrified. lisa could practically feel rosie's fear radiating from her body as she trembled.

_the last thing she ever wanted was to have people be afraid of her._

lisa closed her eyes, straining to bring her anger under control as she breathed deeply and dropped her aggressive stance. rosie felt her relax and quickly looked up, hope sparking in her chest.

their eyes met, with teary warm brown staring up unflinchingly into a swirling dark storm that settled the longer they gazed at each other until rosie saw specks of warmth return.

"it's over," rosie whispered, just to confirm. she gripped tightly lisa's sleeve tightly.

finally, lisa gave a curt nod of surrender.

the effect was instantaneous: rosie let go of her and backed up to give her space, eyes shining with relief.

in turn, a load rolled of lisa's chest the moment rosie smiled again.

what was this? she was turning soft again! but strangely, lisa didn't seem to mind most things when it came to rosie. she had sworn she wouldn't wear her heart on a sleeve. yet all through the night, she had been consciously and unconsciously revealing bits and pieces of herself to the pink-haired girl whose soft character belied the strength she hid beneath.

"you're not worth busting my knuckles," lisa muttered in jisoo's direction.

"you're not worth busting my knuckles either," jisoo retorted as jennie hung on to her arm, contentedly leaning against her with eyes closed, her face peaceful. jisoo briefly nuzzled jennie's bangs, making jennie hum and snuggle further against her.

lisa watched them, her heart giving a painful twist. "psycho is something huh?" she commented wryly, ignoring the tug at her heartstrings.

and then jisoo's mouth quirked up into a good-natured smirk. "rosie is quite something too."

lisa cleared her throat after a quick glance in rosie's direction. "aw don't look at me like that, pinky," she groaned, "next thing you know, you want us to hold hands and sing nursery rhymes or make some stupid pinky promises."

"what an idea," rosie said brightly, chuckling at lisa's disgusted face. soon after she turned solemn. "i just...want us to get along. we were doing so well...i don't know why you both said those horrid, nasty things to each other. it was mean."

"that's life," jisoo and lisa said shortly. they blinked as jennie burst into giggles.

"you're like robots. do it again! do it again! this time say jinx!"

"it doesn't work like that," jisoo and lisa said. they goggled at each other as jennie's giggles intensified.

"jinx!" jennie crowed. "you heard them didn't you kuma? you heard them, nobody said jinx!" she looked at jisoo, pouting. "you're supposed to say jinx."

"jinx," jisoo said lamely but it was enough to have jennie light up. she turned expectantly on lisa who was thrown off-guard.

"uh jinx," lisa said uncertainly.

jennie clapped gleefully as though she had witnessed a grand magical trick. "chu and i never had a jinx moment because she doesn't talk as much as me, even if she knows what i'm gonna say," she pouted, "i have many jinx moments with kuma, he talks a lot. dalgom not so much and kai is the quietest. so i'm happy jichu got to have not one but two jinx moments!"

her bright laughter was infectious, inevitably making jisoo and lisa smile as the hostile atmosphere mellowed down. rosie could finally breathe easily again thanks to jennie and her penchant for bizarre statements.

"so what now?" lisa asked, scratching her head.

"now?" jisoo shook her head before she slowly approached the counter next to lisa and pointed out a bottle. "i'll have some plain old-fashioned soju, please."

lisa's eyes grew round as her mouth peeled back in a grin. "for real? hang on a sec!"

"unnie?" rosie asked, baffled. "you're...drinking?"

_hadn't she just fought with lisa about drinking? hadn't she herself said she wouldn't be drinking?_

"it's been a long night. i need to unwind." jisoo looked up at rosie sheepishly. "when i start snapping at people, it means i'm too stressed. it builds up throughout the day. usually i'd be asleep by now but since you're still here...well you got a taste of what i look like when i'm at the end of my tether." she took up the bottle of soju lisa passed her and took a long sip with eyes closed, relishing the taste. "ah, now that hit the spot."

"i'll take that whole explanation as a semi-valid excuse, apology and compliment rolled into one," lisa said graciously. "but you should really apologise to pinky you know, she was only trying to stop us from tearing out each other's throats."

jisoo obediently turned to rosie and bowed deeply. "i apologise for my words rosie, i should have never called you a scaredy-cat or a bitch because you're the furthest person from a scaredy-cat or a bitch that i know. I'm sorry."

"thank you," rosie said, rather embarrassed but at the same time touched by jisoo's sincerity and lisa advocating on her behalf.

though they all had a strange dynamic going on, yet on some level they had bonded enough for respect to shine through when it was needed. and though she had feared that their friendship was about to crumble after barely surviving a few hours, here they were standing even more solidly together than before. after all, friendship is about weathering a storm together—it won't always be sunshine and rainbows, especially not given their backgrounds.

"i thought you were pretty much unflappable," lisa said, idly drumming a random rhythm on the bottles.

jisoo grimaced. "i have my limits, like anyone else. and you were really testing me, first with the uke and now by insisting on drinking—"

"—i was basically pushing you to break," lisa finished shrewdly. "my bad."

"you drink a lot?" rosie questioned. jisoo gave a guilty nod.

"every night, especially during college semesters, i have to have a beer or wine before bed, to de-stress, especially if i hadn't had time to exercise," she said quietly. "life is a bit...stressful. but...i need to stay alert with jennie around that's why i was trying hard to hold on but...yeah."

"you're stressed even when you're with me?" jennie pouted.

"no," jisoo said quickly. she paused, taking another sip. "well maybe a little. but i don't mind. it's my body that gets stressed."

"well, i ain't gonna let you drink all by yourself now," lisa declared as she grabbed a couple bottles and set about fixing herself a cocktail. "drinking is a social experience."

"i still meant what i said, though," jisoo said firmly. "i can handle my alcohol and i won't drink anymore. i don't know about you and rosie's tolerance. jennie still is not drinking."

"well i can handle my alcohol just fine. i need well over six shots to even get a buzz," lisa insisted as she fiddled with a shaker and then poured out her concoction in glasses. "how about you pinky? pick your poison, come now, don't be shy."

"um well...sometimes i just have beer but i mostly like to drink that while i eat kimchi," rosie said shyly, "but if you have some uh....i'd like a little makgeolli please."

she blinked when both lisa and jisoo raised their eyebrows. "what?"

"do we have a closeted party girl in our midst? the night just keeps getting more and more interesting," lisa concluded as she passed rosie a glass with the drink of her choice. "go easy on it sweetheart, i don't want you passing out in my arms."

"what a nightmare, right?" rosie deadpanned. lisa winked before she handed jennie a glass with orange liquid in it.

"relax chu, it's just orange soda," lisa reassured. "so she won't feel left out. now then." she lifted her glass up for a toast. "clink clink bitches. bottoms up."

"can we play games after we drink this?" jennie asked. she dipped her tongue warily before happily starting to lap up the soda like an eager puppy.

"us big girlies might need to have another drink or two before we're ready, hun," lisa winked.

>

despite jisoo's protests, a drink or two quickly became a bottle or two because as lisa reasoned, they needed an empty bottle to play spin the bottle. the first bottle turned out to be too clunky to spin so then lisa selected another one to pass around and take turns. in the mean time, they talked and talked, tongues growing loose as the alcohol took effect.

"who thinks aliens don't exist should stuff their face in their ass," lisa declared.

"well, the universe is huge, some say it's still expanding in fact, and it's been 4.5 billion years—"

"no numbers jisoo, you nerd, it makes my head hurt," lisa groaned. "hey, do you think atlantis is real?"

"i'd like to think mermaids are real. when i was little, i pretended i was ariel and even brushed my hair with a fork."

" that's adorable," lisa cooed, "i think you'd make a beautiful mermaid, pinky."

"oh...thank you," rosie giggled.

"mermaids are cool and all, but what about zombies?" jennie piped up.

"oh man i loved train to busan!" lisa shouted.

"you too?!" jennie said, thrilled. "jichu and i sneaked into this old cinema once where it was showing, it was awesome!"

"yeah i was scared shitless but i kept watching because i had to know what happened next," lisa said excitedly.

"nope no zombies or horror movies for me," rosie shuddered. "give me rom-coms or nicholas sparks or practically any other movie any day, i don't care how cliché you think it is, lisa. hell, i'll even choose sci-fi! horror movies give me bad dreams."

"ah, but that's because you haven't been watching them properly!" lisa pointed out. "see, the point of watching those kind of movies is that you don't watch them alone but you watch them with _someone._ specifically, someone you want to fuck."

"what?" rosie blurted. jennie perked up with interest as jisoo looked on blankly.

"yeah yeah, it was a sure fire way to get all hot and naked," lisa said confidently.

"oh yes, because nothing is more sexually arousing than zombies slurping brain mush," rosie said sarcastically.

"i swear it works, i did it all the time. i get my target to watch a movie with me. and then i pretend that i'm getting scared and just inch closer and closer for snuggles and practically sit on them. then i casually touch them around until they're paying attention to me rather than the movie and then i sneak my hand under—"

"ok ok ok ok i get it!" rosie yelped, blushing hard. "but horror movies? why not romantic movies to get you in the mood without all the horrid stuff?"

"pinky i told you. i'm all about subverting the cliché, darling," lisa drawled lazily. "pass the bottle."

"can we play games now?" jennie whined. "you said we're gonna play games."

"you want games? alright psycho, i'll give you a game." lisa glugged down the rest of the bottle's contents and pulled it from her mouth with a _pop!_ and a satisfied smirk.

"who's up for spin-the-bottle, sexy motherfcking lisa edition?"


	11. not your typical spin-the-bottle game

to rosie's relief, lisa didn't seem interested in the high school variety of spin the bottle.

"none of that stupid truth-or-i-dare-you-to-kiss stuff tonight, we're all adults and we all know i'm sexy motherfucking lisa so who the hell in their right mind wouldn't wanna kiss me?" lisa demanded. "i'd kiss all of you."

she grabbed the bottle and turned it towards her. "let's vent and and rant instead because i'm too old to run around doing childish dares. let's talk about why we went out tonight and how it led us to meeting each other. i'll go first. ladies and imaginary dogs, i came out tonight because—"

"you're gay?" rosie blurted. she hiccupped, giggling hilariously with her nose turning adorably pink just like her hair.

"bi and pan, take your pick. but moving on, i went out tonight because i had enough of the turd who was like my twentieth significant other overall, was it twenty seventh? whatever, he ranks a definite last because he was a jerk and a turd and i hate him foreverrrrrrrr. it was all fun and games at first but i just have a knack for picking the worst! and boys ugghhh don't get me started. train-wreck from beginning to end."

lisa gave a groan and drank some more as she wagged her finger in the air. "love isn't real, my hoes. it's just lust. from now on, i'm done believing in love and relationships. thank you for coming to my ted talk."

jennie clapped as though lisa had given a speech for winning an oscar or the nobel prize, while jisoo and rosie stared uncertainly.

"did he hurt you?" rosie asked anxiously, her eyes already welling up. "like hit you?"

"'course. it was our thing. playfighting, but the 'play' is silent. geddit?" lisa chortled. she quietened down abruptly, taking an occasional swig from her second half-empty bottle. "it wouldn't have been so bad if he didn't make me feel so damn lonely and horrible and disgusted with myself. we had plenty fun burning stuff up and running from cops but...guess i got too used to it. i wanted...more? i don't even know what i want. but i sure as hell didn't like being belittled and feeling empty."

"he still shouldn't be hitting you. people can't just do that," rosie said, nodding importantly. "nobody hits anybody, because it's mean."

"oh me and reggie hit each other lots too," jennie spoke up, "and i hit the guards and nurses at home as well. one of them i even stabbed with a screwdriver right in his eye, cos' he used to hit me a lot too. people hit other people all the time. do you know about wars? they shoot people in those too, they show it on tv."

"reggie? is that the guy you killed?"

"my ex yeah. i don't remember what his name is so i called him reginald the tenth in my head, reggie for short. he was a jerk and stole the money i took from daddy. so then daddy was extra mad."

"why did you stay with him?" rosie asked.

jennie shrugged. "the sex was ok and he got me presents now and then. didn't feel like searching for a new one at the moment, i'll probably try find someone else next time i get out."

behind jennie, jisoo wore a pained expression as she ducked her head and swigged her beer.

"jisoo didn't get you presents then?" lisa asked.

jisoo shook her head. "her father burns all the presents either way, doesn't let her keep many personal belongings. he always takes them away," she said quietly and jennie nodded sadly.

"all men are shit," lisa spat.

"not my dad," rosie frowned. "papa is good."

"ok, all men are shit except for papa pinky. and well....my step-dad ain't half bad either," lisa conceded. "actually come to think of it, he's the only decent guy i've ever known. not the cliché evil step-dad at all. i'm glad i managed to avoid that cliché trope."

"you got a step-dad?" jisoo said with interest.

lisa shrugged. "nothing much to say about him. he works long hours, he loves my mum to bits, he cares about me a lot and makes sure we're all comfortable. i had some of the best memories with him as a kid. but they're both living too far from here to visit." her voice wavered at the end. "anyway what about you pinky, what's your sob story?"

"well um, i grew up in australia with my sister alice and my fish joohwang—"

"you mentioned all that some time ago," lisa said.

"i did?"

"yeah you did. alice is gonna be a lawyer like jichu, mom clare is a housewife, dad mason is a bookkeeper and joohwang is the smartest fish i have ever heard of," jennie recited. "you were crying just now because you said my orange soda reminded you of joohwang."

"i miss them a lot," rosie sniffed. she almost poured the bottle over herself because her coordination was a bit wonky but luckily jisoo caught the bottle and guided it to rosie's mouth.

"so why were you out tonight?" jisoo prompted.

"oh," rosie said gloomily. she would rather not talk about _him_ but her tongue was too loose to control. "his name was loren."

"ah lanky legs has a name. it's the guy on your phone right?" lisa questioned.

rosie nodded dumbly. "he...i thought that we would last you know? he was my first serious boyfriend. i only had like two others before, but they were more like for cute dates at parks or cafes. loren was my first...you know."

"first kiss, first hook-up, first to meet the parents, the baby daddy of your dreams?"

rosie's bottom lip trembled. "he didn't meet my parents but yeah, all the rest. and we lived together for months and i thought everything was going so well and i even wanted to...to get a pet for us to be like parents. and we really clicked but in the end..."

"he chickened out," lisa supplied.

"no no..."

"he was cheating on you."

"no, at least i don't think so. no we broke up because...well, he said i'm...boring," rosie finished in a small voice.

they blinked at her which had rosie giggling. "you look like bunnies going blink-blink-blink."

"that turd needs glasses," lisa said flatly, "he really had the audacity to call you boring? what does he mean boring? is it because you didn't put out the way he wanted? was the sex too vanilla?"

"oh no no it's not about that. at least, i don't think it's about that," rosie said slowly, trying to remember the exact words, "he just said...i'm not adventure-y enough...adventure-y? i think that was the word..."

"adventurous?" jisoo said helpfully.

"yeah that. he said that i'm too good a girl and i don't break rules." rosie tossed her head. "well joke's on him, i broke rules tonight!"

" hell yeah you did pinky!" lisa cheered, and even jennie and jisoo joined in the cheering. rosie did a gracious bow.

"thank you thank you."

"for real though, he's a loser," lisa mused, "so he just walked out like that? he must have been a real joy to be around, a bright spark who thinks he's the most interesting thing on the planet."

"no actually he said we were too alike and we'd get bored of each other—"

"seems to me like homeboy was the one who got bored," lisa snorted, "or maybe he wanted out. if he was serious about you, he would have tried to do adventurous things together. pinky, he's not worth crying about."

"but he—"

"but nothing," lisa insisted, "he was a jerk. a turd, like the rest of them. a bloody idiot that had no idea just how lucky he was. he didn't realize what a treasure he had right under his nose and he threw away that treasure like it was nothing. such a brainless twat, you have to be truly fvcking stupid to give that up instead of patiently learning how to appreciate the stone, polish the rough diamond until you end up with a precious gem."

she pointed at rosie. "pinky, you're miles better off without him. keep on doing your thing and let nobody hold you down. and i don't think you're boring at all, you just need to be shown the ropes. fvck him."

rosie was left speechless, blinking rapidly when lisa concluded her tirade with another gulp from her bottle.

"aight jisoo, you're up. what ex had you out and about before we picked you up?"

"oh i was just walking," jisoo said, "i never dated. and i think i prefer spending my time with jennie rather than dating."

"of course you didn't and of course you do," lisa snorted. "moving on then..."

more drinking, more boisterous questioning and story-telling followed, with lisa providing the entertainment as she enacted out scenes and stories, swaying tipsily and mimicking different voices. rosie was in stitches, holding her side as she laughed and jennie leaned against jisoo, giggling or clapping. jisoo had grown considerably quieter, the alcohol taking effect as she simply smiled or laughed quietly whenever lisa almost toppled over at times.

jennie then regaled them with some truly horrific and gruesome accounts of what happens behind closed doors at her home, making rosie cover her mouth in horror, heart aching for the troubled girl.

jisoo next to her wasn't faring any better, even though she was feigning normality as much as she could: rosie noticed the strain on her face, the set of her jaw and the clench of her fists. lisa was the only one to eagerly drink in jennie's words, her face a cross between fascination and outrage.

"these are way better than ghost stories," lisa declared.

"how can you be so insensitive! this is our friend we're talking about, she's being abused!" rosie said hotly.

"i'm your friend?" jennie said thrilled.

"i thought you established that yourself a little after we met."

jennie gave her a big smile. "it's still nice to hear someone else other than me say it. and don't worry rosie, i'd be honoured if my story was turned into a ghost story."

"hey anyone wants to hear a real ghost story?" lisa grinned wickedly. "pinky i'll guarantee you'll be sleeping with the lights on after this one. the bogeyman and the mothman ain't got nothing on this—"

"not hearing la la l al al al la lal ala lalalalaaaaaaaaaa!" rosie chanted, clapping her hands over her ears.

lisa laughed and waved at jennie's disappointed face. "sorry psycho, maybe another time, i don't want to actually traumatise pinky. jisoo, you're up."

lisa didn't notice the small grateful look rosie shot her.

jisoo's stories were bland and to-the-point, revolving mostly around her rigid family life and rigorous schedules. "i don't have much of a life. there's nothing to say about it," she had said apologetically. her sparse stories seemed to support this statement.

"tell us about your escapades with jennie," lisa had requested on sudden inspiration. "i wanna hear about _that_ jisoo as well."

and just like lisa had pulled a magical switch, suddenly jisoo's stories came alive, filled with vivid colour and mischief that had her audience enthralled, hanging on to every word. to rosie, jisoo looked very much like a bard narrating stories around a campfire. it was quite a change from the drab picture jisoo had painted of her personal life without jennie in it.

jennie was what moved jisoo, what impassioned her, what had her see in colour. and once more, rosie felt almost as though she were intruding on something hallowed, to be in the presence of such a quiet but obvious devotion in person.

it reminded her of her parents' relationship, how her mother and father always found ways to be close to each other and do something nice for each other or how they would apologise in their own way after some argument. a starry-eyed teen rosie used to spend hours poring over her parents' photo albums, soaking in her parents' young love blossoming in front of her eyes.

she had always dreamt of finding a love just like they had, which although involved a lot of effort and compromising, still seemed like the most beautiful thing that humans could ever accomplish together. because yes, love needed work and plenty of it. to give and never expect anything in return, only trusting the other person would be there for you, to love unconditionally even when feelings fade, just choosing the other person over and over every day...

now more than ever after her own bitter experience, rosie could appreciate that what her parents had was something genuine and everlasting. she had no doubt that what affection jisoo nursed for jennie would be considered on that level too.

"you should write a book unnie, that was beautiful....if rather scary, especially that last story with the guard dogs," rosie said at last and jisoo gave her a rare smile reserved usually only for jennie.

"it's a little dream of mine," she admitted, "although not feasible at the moment. we'll see. your turn rosie, tell us about yourself."

rosie's anecdotes mostly involved classroom mischief courtesy of hyeri and ashley, who always were the more practical jokers of the trio, while rosie followed in tow, an eager if somewhat cautious audience that helped keep them in check (and jot down notes whenever one of them inevitably slept in, since they had always been boisterous party animals.)

"so you're the girl who people come to you for homework," lisa commented.

"they're my friends," rosie defended, "they'd do it for me too."

"but do they?"

"well, i never gave them reason too. i always go to my classes."

"such a model student you are pinky," lisa grinned but there seemed to be a touch of admiration in her voice. rosie stared at her, trying to deduce whether lisa genuinely meant the compliment or was pulling her leg and lisa gazed right back.

"i wanna play an actual game," jennie whined, "lisa and rosie get to tell all those stories and give each other googly-eyes but i've already run out of stories." 

"i'm not giving pinky no googly-eye!" lisa spluttered as rosie quashed the odd fluttery feeling in her chest to address lisa's grammar.

"lisa that's a double negative—"

"what game do you want to play?" jisoo asked as she leaned back and stroked jennie's head. she smiled fondly at her, wholly ignoring lisa and rosie bickering next to them.

"hide and seek!" jennie announced. she got to her feet and pulled at jisoo's arm as well. "come on chu, let's play! we never had other people playing with us."

"oooohh ok ok i'm down!" lisa grinned, forgetting about her tiff with rosie in the blink of an eye.

"i'm staying with jennie," jisoo said, stifling a yawn. "keeping an eye on her and all."

"sure no problem," lisa said. "how about you guys start first with the counting and come and find me and pinky?"

"ooohhh i love searching for things!" jennie said excitedly. "i'm gonna start counting then!"

"jisoo, close your eyes, it's cheating otherwise!" lisa hissed at the older girl.

jisoo sighed from her spot on the floor next to a standing jennie but obediently covered her eyes and started counting alongside jennie.


	12. i trust you

rosie had been about to run out to the lobby (some four halls away) to hide behind the reception desk when lisa caught her hand and made a shushing motion.

"where are you headed?"

"the lobby."

"nah, they'll find you easily. follow me, i know a place," lisa grinned.

she bounded up the stairs, padding along lightly. for all her boisterous tipsy behaviour, rosie had to concede that lisa wasn't lying when she said she could handle her alcohol. as for herself, she was feeling a little extra bold, the skin on her palm tingling since it was still caught up in lisa's firm grip. she nearly stumbled trying to keep in step with the other girl, who moved fluidly like a cat.

lisa seemed to notice that she was having difficulties keeping up, not to mention that the staircases had fewer illuminating lights as well so rosie had more difficulty finding the steps unlike lisa who was more used to traipsing around empty buildings in semi-dark.

so rosie was pleasantly surprised when lisa slowed down, short black hair streaming behind her as they scaled up the floors.

on the landing of the second to last floor where lisa's room was located, lisa abruptly stopped. rosie bent over her knees, grateful for the break and gulping in air.

"let's go all the way up pinky," lisa said, eye shining. she cocked her head as she pointed at the blocked staircase leading up to the roof. "all the way to the top of the world."

"will there be clouds?"

"sure, soft as cotton-candy. like your hair. cotton candy hair."

"the clouds are pink?" rosie asked.

"you hair is pink," lisa said.

"you're so drunk."

"you're drunker," lisa retorted lazily. "but you're cute too."

her eyes widened and she ducked her head as though she had let slip something she hadn't meant to. "uh, let's hurry up before they find us."

"but there's the planks," rosie said puzzled. "you said if we're drunk we wouldn't be able to..."

lisa grunted as she pulled at the planks, which however held firm. when she tried to jump over them instead, she nearly hit her head on a stair were it not for rosie whose arm shot out and caught her just in time as lisa's nose barely grazed the edge.

"lisa forget it, it's no use. you did a good job making the gate." rosie put a finger to her chin. "you know what? it's like a baby's gate to stop them from climbing over."

"don't i make a cute baby?" lisa pouted, crossing her arms.

"hmm the cutest," rosie cooed. she stuck out her hand. "come on, let's hide in your room. they won't expect us to be there."

she grinned, winking conspiratorially, proud for having come up with such a fool-proof plan. rosie was rather surprised to be faced instead with a downcast lisa, dolefully staring up at the stairs that would lead them up to the sundeck and the pool.

"there's a bar up there too," lisa muttered, "i got my second stash of the good stuff up there. and the stash is even bigger, it's housed at the sun deck bar. i wanted to show you the top of the world. you can see so many stars up there."

"stars?" rosie said with interest. "i like looking at stars."

"well you're in luck cos' here i am standing right in front of you," lisa said smugly, spreading her arms. she giggled when rosie swatted her.

"that's cheesy!" rosie scoffed.

"say what you want, it's true though."

"well sure you're hot but i wouldn't say star-hot, more like smoking hot," rosie said recklessly.

"what's this? you think i'm hot? pinky that's so fruity of you!"

"shut up or i'll take it back!"

"no take backs! am i witnessing your gay awakening? how exciting!" lisa tittered. "well, they don't call me sexy motherfucking lisa for nothing. straight girls ain't got nothing on me when i walk in the room."

"how modest," rosie snorted. she shivered in the draughty corridor. lisa seemed to notice as she beckoned rosie to follow into her room which was decidedly warmer and thankfully less stuffy than before. she shut the door once inside and turned to face rosie again.

"it is what it is, darling," lisa drawled smugly. "i make the good girls go bad and the straight girls go gay. it's my magic. join my cult, it's fun!"

"no way you got a cult! liar liar pants on fire!" rosie chanted as she pranced about the room. the air felt nice when she twirled around. she giggled and started twirling giddily like a corkscrew as she crossed the room.

"i do i do!" lisa insisted. "we meet every friday for orgies and induction of new members!"

"l-i-a-r," rosie giggled. "lisa is a l-i-a-r!"

"fine okay you caught me, i ain't got a cult," lisa relented, holding her head. "girl, you're making me dizzy, quit it with the ballerina moves."

"ha! knew it—ooops!" rosie crashed gracelessly on the queen-size and snorted, flapping her legs that dangled off the edge. "hey you're upside down."

lisa peered down from above her, smiling. "cos i'm over on this side idiot. you better get up in case this old thing has bedbugs, or worse."

"what could be worse than a few bugs?" rosie shrugged.

"a couple of hets might have banged on this thing." lisa shuddered. "doesn't that weird you out? i could never stick motel beds because of that. gives me the heebie-jeebies."

"they could have banged anywhere in here for that matter," rosie countered. "on that desk, or in the shower, or the window-seat."

"are you perhaps speaking from experience? did you christen every room in your apartment with some hot, dirty sex? spill the beans!" lisa demanded.

"not your business," rosie said primly, busy swinging her legs as though she was pedalling an invisible bicycle suspended in air. the breeze felt nice as she worked her legs like that.

lisa laughed heartily. "damn pinky, you only had what, a couple of shots?"

"mhm!" rosie said proudly, "and i wasn't even sick!"

lisa chuckled. "i'm liking this new side of ya. you're smiling more and you're way less tense."

"you didn't like my old side?" rosie asked with a pinch of sadness in her voice.

she wanted to believe lisa saw her differently, especially the way lisa had spoken so disparagingly of her ex and insisted she was fine just the way she was.

"nah. i like all sides of ya, the good, the bad and the pretty."

"the ugly. the good the bad and the ugly, like the western," rosie corrected.

"nah, i know what i said. the good the bad and the pretty. cos you ain't got no ugly side," lisa replied, unaware of the way rosie's heart started fluttering uncontrollably in her chest, distracting her from lisa's grammar mistake.

lisa sat down on the queen size as well, copying rosie's pose and flopping down on her back next to her with legs dangling. they both lay quietly in the warm glow that bathed the room. rosie felt comfortable, warm and safe with lisa lying close by. 

"what were we talking about?" lisa wondered, breaking the silence first. she glanced over at rosie, holding her gaze as rosie's breath caught in her throat by the sheer proximity of their faces. heat gathered under her skin, making her glad for the dim light that shrouded the room in warm shadows.

lisa didn't seem as bothered as rosie, content to watch her friend with a lazy smile playing about her lips.

"oh i remember what we were talking about! the hypothetical hets that banged on this bed!" lisa chortled. "but ya know pinky, the straight side ain't shit, gets boring after a while, trust me on this one. the gay side....now that's where the spiciness is flaming chilli hot! once you got a taste of it, that's it, no going back."

"yet you dated more guys than girls," rosie pointed out, brows furrowed "where's the sense in that?"

lisa gave her a lopsided smile and trained her eyes to the ceiling. "let's just say, guys are less dangerous than girls, pinky. that's all there is to it."

rosie tilted her head. "don't you mean girls are less dangerous? i mean...you don't hear much of girls that are abusers, right? it's more of a guy thing?"

lisa shook her head, eyes startlingly clear. "no. guys are less dangerous," she said firmly. "a douche can hurt you physically, sure, or break you up into a thousand tiny pieces and make you feel like shit for ages. that's a given, guys are shitty like that. but you'll bounce back eventually."

she paused, thoughtful as her gaze slid over to the side and rested on rosie, observing her quietly for a few moments.

"the thing with girls is that they take a piece of your heart with them when they leave," lisa said quietly, "and you can't ever bring that back. sounds melodramatic right? but that's how it is. you walk around with a hole in your heart, and it's a far more deeper wound than some guy can inflict. sometimes you don't ever get over it either; depends how deep you had fallen. that's why girls are more dangerous than guys."

rosie stared, lisa's heavy words sinking into her skin as she absorbed the hurt laced behind every syllable. her mouth had suddenly run dry yet, she still managed to speak the words stuck in her throat.

"were....were you ever in love with any of the girls you dated?" she was almost scared to ask such a banal question when the pain was all too clear in lisa's choice of words.

lisa gave a wry chuckle. "maybe. maybe not. who knows?"

"bullshit."

lisa stared. "what?"

"i said bullshit, lisa."

rosie sat up all of a sudden, a strange anger igniting her veins. lisa sat up as well, confusion reflecting in her eyes.

"stop trying to bullshit me lisa. stop trying to bullshit feelings. stop pretending you're tough and too-cool-to-care. it's pathetic. you don't even try to hide that you care about three mere strangers you picked up from the street tonight. so stop stop stop! stop with your bullshit, i'm tired of it. it's just me here. why do you have to keep trying to bullshit everything you say?"

lisa could only blink, speechless.

"wow pinky, i didn't know you could run your mouth like that—"

"stop," rosie said flatly. she got up to pace the room, dragging her hands through her hair in frustration.

"there's a lot of things you don't know about me. but there's less that i know of you. don't give me crap. i know there's more to the stories you told us. i know you're hurt and lost like the rest of us."

"like the rest of you?" lisa scoffed. "oh yes i'm sure you're very lost, pinky. look at you, about to break down trying to hold your whole world together."

"lisa, i may not have your pain," rosie said quietly, "and maybe this is the alcohol talking but you don't have to hold back anymore. not from me."

"oh and why should i do that? what's so different about you?" lisa shook her head "pinky, you're drunk. go to sleep, okay?"

"no. i'm not shutting up until you admit that you loved the girls you talked about it. you talk about saying please being a weakness. but it's not. it takes strength to humble yourself and ask for help. and i'm here for you, i'm here for anything you need me for."

"i don't need anyone!" lisa spat. "you hear me? i'm solo and coping!" she thumped the mattress with her fist, releasing a cloud of dust. "what are you, playing the counsellor now? you think you're special enough to swoop in and fix anyone's problems by getting them to open up?"

"no. all i'm asking is for you to stop bullshitting me," rosie insisted.

"you're drunk. i'm going out for some air," lisa announced and got off the bed.

"lisa no!"

rosie charged, mis-timing her clumsy lunge as lisa neatly side-stepped her. rosie crashed right into the door like an angry bull and then crumpled up in a heap on impact. she groaned, feeling her forehead spit open with a thunderclap as sparks burst in front of her eyes.

"pinky! shit, come here."

blindly, rosie reached out towards lisa's frantic voice as her eyes screwed up in pain. long sinewy arms pulled her into an unfamiliar lap and cradled her, rocking her carefully.

lisa, it was lisa.

lisa sat on the ground with rosie's head pressed against her chest. her heart thumped wildly but she seemed unconcerned as she patted rosie's cheek urgently.

"oi. oi pinky, are you alright? it's just a bad hit, you're not bleeding. come on, open your eyes. you're alright, come on," lisa coaxed from far off. it sounded like she was underwater. everything was swimming. knives stabbed at the back of rosie's eyes.

but she wasn't alright. coupled with the alcohol, everything was jumbled up together and not making any sense. feelings, pain, memories, loren, jennie, jisoo, lisa. lisa. lisa.

rosie started to cry in confusion, hands balled up as she clutched on to lisa's jacket. the pain in her head intensified, throbbing in time with her pounding heart.

she couldn't see. she couldn't see. why couldn't she see?

"shit, pinky. open your eyes. come on, just show me your eyes, you're ok, i promise, you're ok, i need to know you're ok." lisa sounded panicky as she hugged rosie tighter. "pinky this isn't funny. just...just open your eyes. let me see those lovely eyes again eh? please?"

as though compelled by that simple, soft command, rosie's eyelids slowly fluttered open, her gaze colliding with lisa's trembling lips and shaky eyes frantically peering down at her.

"there are those pretty eyes," lisa chuckled in relief. her face had lost all traces of anger to be replaced with worry. "you gave me a real fright back there. does it hurt that much?"

"it's...it's better now," rosie whispered and it was, the momentary burst of intense pain ebbing as she calmed down from the onset of panic. on the one hand, she felt slightly embarrassed for her reaction to hitting her head, yet on the other, she was oddly at peace with lisa holding her so naturally. lisa hadn't let go yet either as she peered down at rosie, studying her.

then without warning, lisa bent forward and kissed her on the forehead, a gentle peck that left rosie frozen like a statue.

"to kiss away the pain," lisa explained, soft and gentle as though she were calming down a frightened animal. her fingers twiddled a lock of pink hair absently. "you feel good enough to sit up?"

rosie sat up, missing lisa's arms around her the moment she withdrew them.

"you said please," she said slowly, registering this fact as she replayed the whole scene again. it made her smile a little, hearing lisa's plea echo in her ears.

lisa ducked her head. "guess i did. and what about it?"

"why?" 

_it's progress_ , rosie wanted to squeal. _she listened, she cares._

lisa gave a tight smile. "why? i don't know pinky. maybe because you just collapsed right there in front of me and for a second there, i thought you weren't breathing and i fricking panicked okay? is that what you want to hear? that i was so scared i even said please? congratulations, you got your wish to see me submit myself and show weakness. what's next on the agenda? do you have a checklist to tick off?"

lisa was getting worked up again, talking faster and angrier until rosie stopped her.

"no," rosie said quickly. she cleared her throat, avoiding lisa's eyes. "i'm sorry. for pushing you. it's none of my business and i shouldn't have pried or anything, if it's something that you're not comfortable with sharing. i just...i don't know what i was thinking..."

she didn't want to mention that she thought they had a mutual bond, built on understanding, that would allow rosie to edge in closer to lisa but clearly, she had been running too fast and jumping to conclusions. she wasn't anything special just because lisa joked and complimented and praised her, or took her to hide away during a game.

"is that the alcohol still talking?" lisa asked dubiously. "or are you really sorry?"

"i really am sorry. and thank you," rosie went on firmly, "for caring. let's leave it at that."

she hugged herself and stood up, head bowed as she pushed past lisa and went to sit at the window seat. lisa's gaze was heavy on her, she could feel it, and the fluttering in her chest was now a whole swarm of butterflies. she needed to put distance between them as she processed this new turn of events and cooled down from her sudden outburst.

silence reigned as rosie tucked her knees under her chin, the throbbing in her forehead now dulled. her mind was elsewhere, preoccupied with the other girl in the room and her own confused feelings.

"you think those two gave up trying to find us?" lisa said after a while. "should we go out and check?"

"go ahead if you want to," rosie said numbly. she couldn't face jennie and jisoo right now. the turmoil of emotions weighing down on her heart needed to be addressed. she needed time to herself to figure out what to do next and especially, how to face lisa again after making a complete ass of herself in front of her.

she heard lisa sigh.

"what if it's the only way i know to deal with stuff, pinky?" lisa said quietly, startling rosie from her reverie.

"hmm?"

"what if putting up a font and a stiff upper lip is how i cope?" lisa asked again. she sat on the bed to face rosie. "what if that's how i don't let people hurt me? if you show people your heart, they will just take and take and never give back. it's the way things work, especially if you're the nice person."

rosie didn't say anything—she had already talked far too much and wounded lisa. thus, she simply waited for the other girl to speak, badly wishing she could hug her and comfort her. there was only a short distance from the window seat to the bed, but rosie felt as if a deep ravine separated them. lisa looked lonely sitting all by herself in the vast emptiness of the bed.

"to answer your question pinky, i did love the girls i dated," lisa said quietly, her lips barely moving. "all seven of them."

"only seven?" rosie couldn't help but ask, caught off-guard.

lisa chuckled. "well, guys are a dime a dozen really, that's why i hooked up with more guys. and also they're less dangerous, as i said before." she turned serious, her voice sombre. "each girl meant something different, but each was important to me."

the notes of remorse in lisa's voice pierced through the alcoholic haze rosie was submerged in, striking her in the heart.

"and then...?" rosie couldn't help but probe deeper, egged on by a prod from the alcohol in her system.

"and then life happened. the same old cliché. a tale as old as time," lisa shrugged. "someone cheated. someone lied. someone got tired. someone moved away. someone fell out of love. in the end, we were born to be alone i suppose. love isn't real."

"that's like the song," rosie said suddenly remembering the lyrics lisa sang in the car. " it's the song you sang."

lisa's mouth stretched into a small smile. "you remember."

"you wrote that song didn't you?" rosie frowned, thinking hard as she connected dots. "you were actually telling us what you were feeling, but you laughed it off again to distract us. because you can't bear to be seen as weak, which is uncool to you."

"well, if you would have seen me moping around like i do after i get dumped, would you still think i'm cool?" lisa sighed, fidgeting with the zipper of her jacket. "god, i'd kill for a fag right now. all this emotional talk is getting to me."

"lisa, i think you're the coolest person i ever met," rosie said sincerely.

"but that's because you only see me like this, see? the tough sweet talker who flaunts her hammer and her car and sings some songs on the uke. you fell for it too. i sell it well, my cliché."

"here's me breaking a cliché then," rosie said boldly. she beckoned lisa with her index finger. "i want to tell you a secret. come here."

lisa raised a quizzical eyebrow. "pinky if that's your seduction technique, you really need to work—"

"shut up and come over here," rosie ordered. lisa sauntered forward gamely and stood in front of her.

"well?"

"bend down."

"you really have no idea how dirty that sounds—"

_"lisa."_

"oh i still exasperate you, cool."

lisa leaned down level with rosie's eyes and flashed her signature smile, batting her eyelashes. "hey angel."

ignoring her thumping heart, rosie leaned in, grabbing the lapels of lisa's jacket and tugged her forward none-too-gently. lisa stumbled, caught off-guard, but regained her footing at the last second before she fell on top of rosie. her hands landed on rosie's shoulders for support and she steadied herself, taken aback by the other girl's bold showing.

"what are you doing?" lisa rasped.

rosie gazed into the piercing doe eyes, clouded with curiosity and a hint of hunger in their depths.

"did they look like me?" rosie whispered.

lisa's brows knitted together. "did who look like you?"

"the girls you dated. did they look like me?"

it was irrational to think so, and insensitive to mention as well, she knew as much. but she had to know. 

rosie gripped lisa's jacket tighter. she didn't want to inflict more pain and potentially tear open old wounds, but she needed to know if lisa paying her attention all night and complimenting her meant something more than innocent frolicking. the fluttering in her chest turned frantic as she waited with mounting apprehension.

lisa meanwhile froze, wide eyes trained on her before she relaxed and shook her head.

"no," lisa said softly, "you're just you, pinky." her eyes flickered down to rosie's mouth for a split-second before she was looking up again, wary. "and what's the secret?"

"love is real, lisa. i know for a fact it's real."

"then clearly it's not for me," lisa said immediately.

but rosie forged on. she was far from finished and once the words started falling out of her mouth there was no stopping the torrent.

"love doesn't have to be the romantic type. mercifulness, compassion, kindness...those are all love. you're kind lisa, no matter how much you pretend to be the asshole. you're just _not_ an asshole. no matter who hurt you, no matter who you hang out with, you can't hide who you are and that angers you, because you think it's weakness to show kindness, because it only means you'll get hurt. yet you can't help it, because it's who you are," rosie said softly.

lisa's face twisted up. "is this some psychoanalysis trick you do to get people to open up?"

"no. i'm stating a secret truth you don't want to see," rosie said. "i think the fact that despite everything you still managed to remain kind...i think that's beautiful."

"shit, maybe those psychology people on crack were on to something. at this rate, you're gonna unlock the mystery of life."

"you saved me from the guy chatting me up," rosie said, frustrated that lisa still wasn't taking her seriously, still trying to blow her off. "you were kind to me. you comforted me. you looked out for me. you stood up to the boys and jisoo for me. why?"

"why?" lisa echoed. "i don't know. i was trying to be decent. girl code. looking out for others ya know? you wouldn't have done the same? if you saw a girl with a guy in a sketchy situation, wouldn't you step in?"

rosie shook her head and lisa stared.

"you mean you wouldn't have stopped and helped me out if you saw some guy chatting me up?" lisa said indignantly.

and rosie tilted her head. "guess i'm not so perfect after all, am i?" she smirked at lisa's dumbstruck expression. " i'd be too scared to intervene. but you, you weren't scared at all. and you did it again, facing down your old friends and trying to cover for us, mere strangers you had just met. you're so cool, lisa."

"i'm not," lisa blurted suddenly. she slumped to the floor, head bowed. "i'm not cool. i'm a drop-out and a vandal and a criminal, i do bad things, pinky. i burn up places. i dabbled in crack. i smoke like a chimney when i'm in one of my moods. my life is a trainwreck. i bring people crashing down with me everywhere i go, i'm a walking disaster. i'm nothing next to you, pinky. don't look at me like i'm cool, cos' i'm not."

"let me be the judge of that."

lisa looked up at rosie's words, dull eyes sunken in her face. "pinky, you're a college chick with a nice fam, a steady career in sight, good grades, pretty looks...hell, if you don't make it to stardom then i don't know who will! me, i'm damaged goods. love isn't for me. it's just a cliché."

rosie crouched down out of her seat and pulled lisa into a hug before lisa even finished her sentence, almost toppling them over from sheer force. when lisa didn't react, rosie only squeezed tighter, desperately trying to comfort her. lisa had sounded so terribly, terribly sad.

"you're not damaged goods, lisa. you're not. whoever said that was wrong."

"i said that."

"you're wrong."

"you don't know me. i'm messed up."

"i know enough," rosie whispered, heart cracking at the sound of defeat in lisa's voice. "i know that you love so deeply and fiercely that when someone leaves, it breaks you up into little pieces."

"freud ain't got nothin' on ya, eh pinky?" lisa chuckled weakly but rosie knew she had hit the nail on the head with the way lisa slumped further against her. "you should drink more often, you'd give him a run for his money."

rosie leaned back from the hug to cup the other girl's face, feeling a pang in her chest when she spotted the glossy shimmer in lisa's eyes. she was at a loss on what to say, words deserting her as she drowned in a swirling sea of warm brown tinged with sadness.

"pinky, you have only had one bad break-up," lisa said quietly, "you still got a lot of that good stuff in your heart to give out. and the right person will come along and they'll be hella lucky to have you waiting for them. me, i'm just...all spent-up like a bo of matches. i'm tired. i'm just trying to get by now."

gently, she pried rosie's hands from her face but she didn't push her away. they stayed enveloped in quiet, cut off from the rest of the world that was unaware of two hurting girls finding consolation in each other's company, on the cusp of mutual understanding.

"lisa, can i tell you something else?"

when lisa nodded, rosie took a deep breath. "you deserve to be loved, even if you don't love yourself or believe in love. everyone deserves to be loved, unconditionally. Every. Single. Person."

"serial killers as well?"

"oh uh...well uhm...oh bother i forgot how it goes actually but...i guess?" rosie fumbled. "you just...have to find the right person that is willing to stay. like you told me."

lisa threw her head back and burst into a chirky laugh. rosie smiled proudly, content to hear that genuine throaty laugh again.

"pinky, you're gonna be the death of me," lisa said breathlessly once the giggles died down.

the heavy tension building up after their combined argument and vulnerable confessions cleared when lisa had laughed, signalling a return to a lighter atmosphere that had the apprehension fade from rosie's gut.

there was still a lot she didn't know about lisa but for now, just like she told the girl, she knew enough to comfort and reassure. she knew enough to let lisa know that it was ok to be herself instead of putting up a tough facadé all the time. it was okay to be unsure and sad and reflect about her past, it was okay to process those feelings and be vulnerable about those memories because they meant a great deal and obviously affected her a lot. it was okay to be a mess. it was okay to not be okay. 

but rosie had a feeling lisa would be okay in the end—she was so much stronger than she knew, barely shedding a tear, unlike herself.

lisa suddenly looked up and flashed her a smile. rosie felt her breath catch in her throat because even with the lights turned down low, she could still see the way lisa's nose scrunched up and the way her eyes wrinkled when she smiled, and the way her lips pulled back in a toothy grin.

"you know pinky...i want to tell you something too," lisa said. her confidence suddenly wavered as she got an attack of bashfulness and she ducked her head. "or maybe not the right time...."

"what is it? tell me," rosie asked curiously, taking her hand and squeezing. "tell me, lis."

lisa gave in with a nod, her jaw set, her eyes serious. "hold still for me?"

"sure, why though—oh..."

lisa reached up and cupped her face tenderly, holding her palm flush against rosie's blushing cheek. rosie's brain short-circuited and she could not form a single, coherent though. the way lisa's warm hand almost eclipsed the entire side of her face had her stomach doing flips. it had been a while since someone touched her face like this and her body reacted immediately, with electricity slithering up her spine lightning fast. 

the fond gleam in lisa's eyes didn't go unnoticed either—rosie had nowhere to look but directly in lisa's doe eyes, which gazed back earnestly.

she was shaking, almost imperceptibly, until lisa took hold of her other hand as well, rubbing small circles with her thumb.

"are you cold?"

"n-no."

"then why are you shaking?" lisa whispered.

she bent her head, stopping short of their noses touching, which didn't help the intense electricity charging up in the space between them. the knot of desire tightened behind rosie's navel, turning her hands clammy. she swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry when lisa's eyes followed the movement of her throat with hooded eyes.

"what did you want to tell me?" rosie asked instead, desperately trying to stifle the swarm of butterflies that she was sure were going to burst out of her ribcage any minute now.

lisa's finger tips grazed her jaw, a tender gleam reflecting in her eyes as she cocked her head. "you're really, really pretty and i really, really want to kiss you right now, if that's okay. please?" she asked softly. the longing in her voice was undeniable but even so, her hand ceased all movement as she waited for permission.

and rosie nodded, lips parted slightly in anticipation as lisa leaned in to seal the gap.

rosie had expected rough touches and bruising kisses the moment she had ceded the reins, but lisa's fiery kisses were feathery soft, gliding unhurriedly and unfurling with tenderness as she swiped at the seam of her lips, seeking entrance. rosie easily granted her access, sinking into the embrace as delicious chills rippled throughout her entire body and left her tingling with each heady kiss. lisa held her carefully, as thought she was afraid of crumpling up a precious flower.

the kiss didn't last long before lisa was pulling back first out of breath, gleaming eyes taking in blushing cheeks as she pushed back a few locks of hair behind rosie's ear.

"okay?" lisa asked softly, looking at her intently for any sign of discomfort.

it was the sweetest reassurance for rosie, whose heart swelled even further as she held back on the urge to pounce on her again.

"that was my first kiss with a girl," rosie said dazedly, caught between breathless wonder and shyness. It was mind-blowing how kissing a near-stranger made her feel more alive, more raw and more vulnerable than anyone else before. now that she had gotten a taste of lisa, she was already craving to have more.

then again, lisa was more than a stranger. when she looked at lisa, rosie could almost see a splintered mirror image of herself; she may not have endured the same pain like lisa, but she loved and broke much like lisa did. they were more alike than each of them thought.

"and...do you mind?" lisa asked cautiously. her hands skimmed rosie's back, her touch barely tangible but rosie could feel the trails of electricity imprinting on her skin beneath the jacket she wore as lisa's fingers travelled upwards towards her shoulder blades. 

"i don't think i'd mind if you were my second, third or fourth kiss either," rosie said bravely, the implication clear in her voice as she gazed back, challenging lisa.

lisa's eyes widened in comprehension before a grin slowly spread across her face. without further ado, she captured rosie's lips again, this time hastily gathering the pink-haired girl in her lap as she angled her head to deepen the kiss. rosie matched her in kind, eagerly drinking in lisa's low pants as her skin threatened to burst into flames when lisa's hands slipped under her shirt. a strangled gasp escaped her, making lisa falter until rosie buried her fingers in lisa's dishevelled hair and kissed her with decisive force.

"i'm not some fragile flower, you know," she rasped in between desperate kisses whenever lisa slowed down.

she felt lisa smile against her mouth whilst their hands roamed under shirts and explored the warm expanse of skin beneath, an intoxicating sensation that had rosie arching up against lisa, taut as a bowstring with eyes screwed shut. lisa certainly knew how to use her hands.

and so thus, lisa worked her up, humming against her neck as she stroked and kneaded skilfully. rosie was putty in her hands; the pleasure instigated by a simple graze over her spine made the pink-haired girl throw her head back as she stifled a moan.

lisa took the opportunity to kiss down her throat, teasingly nipping at her collarbone just to hear the other girl whimper her name and squirm in her lap.

but rosie wasn't the only one affected as lisa too bit back on a guttural moan when rosie melted against her and kissed just under her ear, giggling mischievously once she noticed her struggling to take back the lead. 

they had to pull apart for air, reluctant to even let each other go too far. rosie held on to lisa's jacket, keeping them within breathing distance as they shyly brushed noses, chuckling.

lisa was gasping like she had run a marathon, her perfect bangs dishevelled, lips swollen. rosie her heart was galloping like a runaway horse as she greedily gulped air, trying to regain her wits which all but left her after their intense make out session.

rosie felt the coil within her core tighten impossibly further when lisa flashed her that signature smile that had her weak, making her thankful she was straddling lisa's lap instead of standing.

her lips still tingled, her hands itching for more, her whole body thrumming like a high-tension wire begging for release. it was not enough; she had to have more of lisa, and she had to have her now.

"you're not some fragile flower, but you deserve to be treated like a princess," lisa said once her panting had subsided. her face turned serious again. "will you let me do that, pinky?"

rosie was sure she must have looked positively feral, yet lisa gazed up at her adoringly, eyes trained on her, and her alone.

"we don't have to," lisa said, betraying her nervousness as she licked her lips. "we can forget about—"

rosie simply cradled her face and pressed their lips together for a hasty, fervent kiss that let lisa know what she needed, then sat back in anticipation. she could lose herself in lisa's expressive brown eyes that were now coloured hazy with arousal; they held her in thrall of all the mysteries she had as yet to discover within their depths.

lisa took her hand. "do you trust me?"

she nodded. "i trust you," rosie said softly.

lisa's eyes shimmered with emotion as rosie interwined their fingers together. they fluttered close when rosie kissed her, long and hard, before pushing her down on her back and climbing on top as she shrugged off her jacket. 


	13. interrupted

"they're doing it aren't they?" jennie asked, wide-eyed. "they're really going at it."

"it would seem so," jisoo replied in a low voice, trying very hard to pretend she wasn't hearing the high-pitched moans and whimpers from behind the door. "let's give them some privacy yeah? we've been eavesdropping long enough."

jennie pouted. 

she had been pressed up against the door, quiet as a mouse. jisoo couldn't stop jennie's curiosity when they had been wandering in search of the younger girls and happened to hear loud voices caught up in an argument. jennie quickly determined the source of rosie and lisa's voices issuing from the room lisa had shown them and was all for barging in to join the excitement, but jisoo held her back, insisting they give their friends some privacy to iron out their differences.

"can we at least listen in on them, in case lisa makes rosie cry?" jennie pleaded. finding no fault with that logic, jisoo reluctantly agreed.

her good intentions didn't last long, not with jennie around because here they were, shamelessly eavesdropping on an obviously intimate moment.

"do you suppose we can peek in?" jennie said, wholly ignoring what jisoo said. "just a quick little peek. you can pick the door chu. i just wanna see a teeny weeny little bit—"

"no," jisoo said firmly, "this is not the time or place for voyeurism, jendeuk."

jennie sulked. "but they sound really into it...i'm just curious how it would work between two girls—"

"if there was wi-fi here i would have pulled up some lesbian porn for you," jisoo sighed, "but it will have to wait. the moment we get back somewhere close to civilisation, we can do that. sounds good?" 

though the idea had her feeling rather queasy, at least it was less drastic than watching their friends in action.

jennie huffed and crossed her arms and jisoo sighed, bracing herself for a tantrum. but suddenly jennie's eyes grew round with interest as she pointed behind jisoo.

"can we go up there instead?" jennie said eagerly, indicating the boarded up stairs leading to the roof. "can we? i wanna see. lisa isn't around to tell us off. go on, say yes!"

but once again jisoo shook her head, taking her hand when jennie looked dejected.

"come on. how about we go explore the other rooms, eh?" jisoo coaxed, hoping to distract her with the prospect of exploration, which jennie rarely resisted. "maybe we'll find something interesting in them. maybe somebody left some treasure. or someone tried to hide a dead body. or a weapon."

"or there's some ghost hiding in a forgotten chest," jennie said excitedly, forgetting all about watching porn or climbing forbidden stairs to jisoo's relief, who could breathe a tad easier now.

jisoo only threw one last glance over her shoulder before her attention returned to jennie skipping next to her.

they walked away down the hallway as though they hadn't heard a thing.

>

the sound of something scratching against paper roused her from her blissful state of rest. rosie stirred: warm, sleepy and aching in the best possible way as she turned on her side and blinked her eyes open. a fond smile spread across her face when she took in the concentrated face scribbling industriously next to her.

sensing rosie watching, lisa paused from her furious writing and turned, throwing her a hesitant half-smile. "hey," she croaked. she clearing her throat. "did i wake you up?"

"mm-mm, it's okay," rosie said, stifling a yawn. lisa tilted her head, a soft smile playing about her lips before she quickly glanced away when rosie looked at her again.

"did i mention your hair looks like a bird's nest?" lisa blurted.

"what?" rosie pouted, reaching out to pat her hair, "is it that bad?"

"terribly so," lisa nodded, "horrifically so. makes you look like a janitor's broom that got electrocuted."

"lisa!"

"don't worry, i think you still look cute," lisa reassured, propping her chin on her hand. she reached out and pushed away a lock of unruly pink hair behind rosie's ear as she smirked. "your eyes are kinda crusty too."

"is this your idea of pillow talk?" rosie laughed. "should i be swooning?"

lisa winked. "you know me, a cheesy sap through and through."

her tone betrayed the nervousness behind her light words. in spite of the remnants of sleep tugging at her eyelids, rosie was perceptive enough to pick up on lisa's uneasiness.

"you okay?" she asked softly.

lisa fidgeted, eyes darting away when rosie tried to hold her gaze.

rosie's heart dropped as she braced herself for the worst. she was tempted to reach out and touch her hand but decided against invading lisa's space.

"should i get dressed?" rosie asked quietly instead, testing the waters.

she was pleasantly surprised when lisa's hand immediately shot out to stop her, retracting at the last second as though she thought better of it.

"no! no, i uhm..." lisa swallowed, "well i was actually hoping you might not be in a big hurry to go yet...."

rosie smiled, the awkward air clearing immediately.

"i don't regret anything and i feel good, better than i have in a long time. i'm not going anywhere," she clarified, answering lisa's unspoken question that pooled in her conflicted eyes. "unless you want me to go?"

lisa shook her head, the familiar broad smile taking over her face once more as she slipped a hand over the blankets and squeezed rosie closer, even nuzzling her head as she spoke. "i could use with some company, pinky."

that affirmation had rosie happily snuggling up against lisa, seeking her warmth. as rosie rootled around getting comfortable, lisa turned her attention back to her notebook, pursing her lips. she picked up the pencil again and curled an arm round rosie, giving her a light squeeze as she started writing again.

content with the arrangement, rosie flopped on her side to watch lisa work, enjoying the weight of the girl's arm on her waist as the pencil flew over the page. lisa paused at intervals to frown, cross out, scribble, pout, frown some more, smile, scribble excitedly and then start all over again.

the sound was soothing and the soft low lights of the room created an idyllic atmosphere. rosie's eyelids drooped lower and lower. she loved cuddling, loved basking in the serene tranquility and the presence of another warm body lying with her. it was an essential part of afterglow for rosie, where the sense of time slowed down just enough for two people to stay suspended in an eternal moment after intimacy took place, where all vulnerabilities are surrendered and stripped down to the core of their essence.

swaddled in comfort with traces of pleasure still coursing throughout her sated body, rosie drank in lisa's features shamelessly. her bare shoulder peeked from under the blankets covering her naked body. she was on her stomach, propped on her elbows as she bent over the notebook rosie had glimpsed at the bottom of her sports bag. 

the mole at the corner of lisa's eye and the mole on her neck gained rosie's attention from time to time as lisa bobbed her head to an invisible tune. the small scratches from their scrape earlier were reduced to fine lines scoring her face.

lisa's tongue stuck out in fierce concentration as she mouthed words and tapped the chewed up pencil against her chin when she gazed off into space.

"i'm writing a song," she explained, filling in the silence and answering rosie's unspoken question. "it came to me a little after i woke up when i was just watching you sleep and...yeah..." she ducked her head shyly which had rosie almost cooing.

the fact that lisa had stayed just as she promised when they had both dozed off earlier had rosie's heart swell with fondness. she knew lisa meant her words, and she was proven right when she trusted lisa with her whole self earlier, presented in its pure, naked form. 

she had averted her eyes, suddenly shy under lisa's fixed gaze.

_maybe the girls lisa dated before were infinitely more beautiful, more desirable and sexy, more confident._

_she didn't even know how things worked out between girls! maybe lisa would be turned off. maybe she'd be disappointed. maybe...maybe..._

"hey." 

lisa had taken her hands, holding them firmly to stop rosie from hiding, and looked directly in her eyes.

"you're beautiful. you're so beautiful," lisa whispered reverently, eyes hazy with arousal. simple words that she had heard all too often, yet in lisa's voice they seemed to convey so much more. lisa sat up and cupped her face, sharp enough to pick up on rosie's sudden doubts. 

"come here sweetheart," she said tenderly, "it's just me, you don't have to be afraid. any time you wanna stop, just say so, okay?"

rosie had nodded dumbly, touched by lisa's concern and lisa had smiled, stroking her cheek as she gently lead them both into a sweet kiss that quickly grew heated. with every fiery kiss and touch lisa left on every portion of skin , rosie climbed higher and higher. lisa had been there to guide her ad show her a higher plane of pleasure tht rosie hadn't experienced before.

"go back to sleep pinky, i'll still be here. it's a promise," lisa said softly when she heard rosie stifle another yawn, "your eyes are almost closed." she moved some strands from rosie's face, smiling when rosie shook her head stubbornly, even as the warmth threatened to swallow her back into sleep's embrace.

"mm-mm, it's okay. don't mind me, don't let me interrupt your work."

she was dying to know what song lisa was working on but respected lisa's choice to not reveal anything. she could understand that oftentimes, sharing something personal that you created like art, music or a piece of writing is far more intimate than stripping naked and baring skin, because sharing someting of your own creation meant baring your very soul to the world to judge.

lisa offered her a grin. "don't worry about that. i don't mind." she gave rosie a little peck against her temple then frowned.

"the forehead ok?" lisa peered at her intently, allowing rosie to see her chocolate-brown eyes up close. "you only got like a little swelling left. i should have gotten you something cold earlier to ice it, my bad. does it hurt? i'm sorry, i wasn't thinking before."

rosie stopped lisa mid-ramble with a sweet kiss to her cheek.

"i'm good," she sighed, content. she reached out to cup lisa's face, her thumb stroking the soft skin. she had almost forgotten about her little accident earlier if it wasn't for the tender bruise and lisa's reminder. 

"right now i'm just...perfect," she added.

lisa was being so considerate and sweet that it did nothing to calm the frenzied fluttering in her chest that erupted once more at lisa's concern for her wellbeing.

"you know what? me too," lisa confessed. "haven't slept this good in a while." she cleared her throat. "to be frank, i was kinda expecting you to um...you know, take off, once you woke up. would have been perfectly understandable."

"you were scared i'd do that?" she understood now why lisa had been so uncertain and joking around her when she woke up.

"well...i wouldn't have blamed you. i mean, you're still grieving, and you were tipsy-ish. what i mean to say is...i would have completely understood if you wanted to pretend like...like nothing happened. blame it on alcohol and whatnot."

rosie nodded understandingly. "i was a bit scared too," she admitted. "i mean, what if i was just getting it all wrong? what if you were just going through the motions and once you got what you wanted...you left?" she averted her gaze. "i'm not going to be delusional. this is nice right now, yeah, but...but in the end, i'm just another notch in the bedpost. right?" she added in a small voice, trying to ignore the clench of hurt in her chest.

"do you want to be?" she heard lisa ask soberly.

rosie swivelled around in shock. "what?"

she stared as the other girl slipped away from her touch and sat up, head bowed with her brows pulled into a frown. rosie sat up as well, gathering the blankets around her as she faced lisa.

"you heard me," lisa muttered. she cleared her throat. "do you want to be just a notch in my bedpost?" she asked solemnly. "because...ok, bravery time, like you told me. i'm just gonna say it, even if you might not feel this way. i'm gonna say it before the liquid courage leaves me entirely."

lisa took a deep breath. "pinky, i know this is gonna sound crazy and we barely know each other but...i don't want you to be just a notch in my bedpost." she dropped her head back. "there, i said it."

her face was screwed up tightly, her jaw clenched and her hand balled up into a fist as she braced herself for rejection. when only silence greeted her, lisa peeked out of one eye and came face to face with a dumbstruck rosie.

"pinky, say something. anything. you're scaring me." lisa whispered. "i know i'm repulsive and a mess and i haven't even got my life together but i thought...i dunno what got into me...."

"you're such a hopeless romantic, lis."

lisa grinned lazily, relaxing instantly. "yeah? that a bad thing?"

"far from it...breaks the bad girl cliché."

"but falls into another cliché. bad girl has a soft side." lisa pointed out, wiggling her eyebrows. she didn't seem to be minding the cliché so much.

"what a nightmare." rosie dead-panned, making lisa snort. she pursed her lips and beckoned her with her index finger, asking for a kiss. lisa readily shuffled over and obliged to the request, and then added a few more pecks, and then rosie sneakily wrapped an arm round her neck to pull her on top as she flopped on her back.

"you don't have to answer," she heard lisa say, her voice muffled. "you can forget abut it, it's okay."

lisa's weight settled comfortably over her own body, bare skin brushing but rosie wasn't focusing on physical sensation at the moment. rather she inhaled lisa's body wash scent and mouthed along her shoulder, depositing a row of kisses over her collarbone. lisa had her face tucked in her neck, her quiet sighs in rosie's ear raising goose bumps on her skin.

deciding on an answer, rosie tapped lisa's shoulder to make her sit up.

"i...don't know what this is, or where it could go..." rosie said shyly, stroking lisa's face hovering over hers. her eyes were glossy with emotion. "but i like the idea of being more than just a notch in your bedpost."

she wasn't sure tumbling headfirst into a relationship after just being in one was sensible. moreover, there was too little she knew of lisa's lifestyle, too many differences that might have them butt heads until they got better used to each other. yet, rosie wasn't so ready to let go of lisa either. she liked her a lot—there was a kind heart nestled deep behind the wall of thorns lisa erected to keep people at arm's length. rosie had unexpectedly cut through and discovered its existence by pure chance. and now for better or for worse, she felt too greedy to share lisa.

lisa's face lighting up seemed to cement her decision. "yeah? you think so?"

"i know so," rosie told her. lisa simply buried her face in the crook of rosie's neck as rosie hugged her close and shut her eyes, savouring the warmth and closeness.

the thought of the lithe girl in her arms being caught up in a stranger's writhing embrace filled her with vicious envy, making rosie squeeze lisa closer. oblivious, lisa hugged back, driving away rosie's ugly thoughts.

"you already wanna dive off the deep end and figure out kinky stuff, hmm? can't say i'm very partial to choking, though i'm always open to try," lisa whispered, making rosie toss her head back with a laugh.

"i was just thinking."

"about...?"

"oh, nothing in particular..."

"overthinking kills, you know."

"who said that?" rosie snorted.

"sexy motherfcking lisa, that's who," lisa smirked and rosie laughed again.

she didn't ever remember laughing this much before at such a time. usually, it would just be her lazily dozing on and off with loren close by until it was time to move on to the next task. laughing along with lisa's ridiculous statements felt like the icing on top of a delicious chocolate fudge cake slice that she couldn't help but devour.

she really liked lisa, and what they needed, rosie mused, was a chance.

a chance was all she could ask for at this point in time, a chance to take it slow and see how well they complemented each other. she hoped lisa could see it from this perspective too.

"i don't know what this is between us and i haven't got the foggiest idea if what i'm saying is making sense, or even if what you're saying is the right thing or not. we can talk more in the morning perhaps?" lisa suggested, seeing rosie wasn't to be distracted from her thoughts. she kissed rosie's forehead (which had rosie internally squealing) before resuming her plank position from before to continue working on the song.

lisa pulled her notebook closer and picked up her pencil again. "sleep on it. in the morning, things might change, for better or for worse. we'll take it as it goes one step at a time. it's been a long night."

"yeah, where have jennie and jisoo even ended up?" rosie wondered.

"beats me. maybe they sloped off to make out somewhere. it's not like i went to check, i'm stark naked and all," lisa winked. she tapped the notebook. "i'm almost done here, pinky, just trying to figure out a verse. you'll have my undivided attention once i'm done."

undivided attention sounded lovely to rosie and she settled down to watch lisa again. "it's alright, you've already given me plenty of undivided attention while i've just been distracting you."

"don't sweat it," lisa reassured. "i like my cuddles and pillow talk, that kind of distraction is okay to me."

"what's that? is that another cliché i hear breaking?" rosie said, putting a hand to her ear. "lisa, you're on a roll!"

lisa's hearty laugh made her beam, proud that she was able to that.

"but yeah, i don't mind cuddles and the like. i don't like to just hit it and quit it, ya know? i mean yeah angry sex is cool sometimes, but i like my snuggles as much as the next girl does. and pinky i'm gonna be serious right now," lisa's long fingers intertwined with her own, "i have absolutely no regrets at all sleeping with—oh gosh, look at your little pinky, that's the cutest god damn pinky i've ever seen!"

this time it was rosie's turn to throw her head back and burst into giggles as lisa cooed over her little finger when she held up their hands for comparison.

"pinky i'm serious, look at it. look at it! it's wiggling! pinky and her little pinky awwwww!"

"lisa, it's just my little finger," rosie giggled.

"yeah, yeah but have you seen how cute it is? gosh, my heart! i can't take this!"

unable to resist for longer, rosie pulled lisa down from the nape of her neck and kissed her, smiling against lisa's mouth when the other girl chased her lips to kiss her back.

"you big goof," rosie chortled once they parted for air. she booped lisa on her nose. "you're never gonna finish the song at this rate."

"it's practically finished. i got the chorus and bridge down, i think. i told you, i'm just figuring out a verse."

"may i see, please?" rosie asked hopefully.

lisa hummed before to rosie's utmost delight, she slid the notebook in front of her and curled a hand around her waist, snuggling closer which had rosie's heart beating madly at the casual gesture.

"i'm puzzling over this line at the moment. it's not much just...yeah..." lisa said bashfully, "still needs work and polishing so uh....don't laugh too much."

"why would i laugh?"

lisa shrugged. her hand slid up rosie's back to play with her pink hair. almost breaking out into purrs of delight, rosie tucked her head in the crook of lisa's neck like a cat.

"dunno. cos it's...cringy?" lisa ventured at last.

rosie smiled, her eyes turning to crescents. "you mean you think it's uncool to be a hopeless romantic and you don't want me to see you as uncool?"

lisa muttered incoherently, something along the lines of _"dang college chicks"_ and rosie simply chuckled at her before she turned her attention back to the notebook.

"so stay, i know you gotta be tired. when the night gets dark let me be your fire. in a world full of lies my only truth is you; here's a letter, from me to you," rosie read and lifted her eyes. "lisa, that's beautiful."

"yeah?" lisa said gruffly, "not too cringey? ya think it's alright the way it is?"

"why cringey? i think it's lovely. i like it a lot the way it is, yeah," rosie said sincerely, watching lisa's eyes light up. "can i see more?"

lisa smirked, raising an eyebrow. "and what about the magic word?"

"oh for god's sake _,_ " rosie scoffed but complied with a weary sigh. "sexy motherfvcking lisa."

"oh _gawwwwd_ ," lisa groaned, dragging out the word as her eyes rolled so far back rosie was able to see the whites of her eyeballs, "i think i just came again. that was positively _orgasmic._ "

"shut up!" rosie squealed. she buried her face in her hands and disappeared under the nest of blankets, thumping her legs in embarrassment. lisa watched her, highly amused.

"pinky, we've been feeling each other up while we're butt-naked and now is the time you start feeling shy? because i said orgasmic? i should write a book: how-to-make-college-chicks-swoon-in-three-syllables-or-less. it will make me super rich."

"shut up! shut up!" rosie squeaked.

lisa shook her head, snickering at rosie's reaction. "much as it is a pleasure to _finally_ hear you utter my favourite phrase of all time, unfortunately, no, that's not the magic word i was talking about. i meant 'please'."

"are you kidding me?" rosie demanded. her shoulders slumped. "it was just 'please'?

"yes sweetheart," lisa said in a sing-song voice, eyes glinting merrily. "isn't please your favourite word?"

"please." rosie sighed in defeat, secretly thrilled that lisa had listened and was actively inserting the word more in her vocabulary. she had noticed her efforts earlier too.

"cheers. well uh, so i can't really show you the chorus and bridge because they're still kinda under major revision and scribbled over."

"but you said—" rosie began indignantly.

"however, i do have the melody down. goes a little something like this." lisa hummed and vocalised a few chords to give rosie the feel of the song. "i forgot the uke in the car, i would have tried it out for you, if you like."

"well then later would it be okay if you played it for me _please?"_ rosie asked with exaggerated patience.

"for you pinky, of course," lisa said sweetly. she paused, putting down the pencil and covering rosie's hand with her own, smoothing over her knuckles. "you know, the song was...well, inspired by you i suppose. and...and it's soft and slow and sad, a ballad. i thought it suited you. i imagined you singing it."

"do you have a name for it?" rosie asked, trying very hard not to burst out squealing.

"i got two. i'm stuck between 'a letter from me to you' and 'stay'. what do you think?"

what did she think? her head was empty, all senses zeroing in on lisa and nothing but lisa.

"stay." rosie said at last, her voice sounding far away to her. "call it stay."

lisa looked at her, really looked at her. she looked right into rosie's eyes imploring her with a silent plea that seemed to echo the rapid beating of her own heart, and lisa nodded.

"stay it is, then," she said simply.

without even thinking, rosie surged up to press their lips together, savouring the sensation of lisa's silky skin rubbing against her body, lisa's mouth entwined with hers and lisa's fluffy hair tangled between her fingers.

soft sighs escaped them, both indulging in the night's ability to suspend their individual realities, locking them in a temporal illusion of endlessness, of eternity. they didn't worry about bills or classes or cops or thugs or heartbreak—right now, they had sparked a tiny flame that provided warmth and comfort: it was all they needed.

the night made equals of two girls who crossed paths and came together under the roof of an abandoned motel, uniting them in their pain and lonely search for belonging.

rosie in particular felt her heart overflow with tender emotions. the need to say something, anything, grew and grew until she felt she was going to burst.

"lisa, I—"

but they would never find out whatever she was about to say because a blood-curdling shriek stopped them dead in their tracks. lisa's pupils dilated and rosie paled, both instantly recognising the owner of the shrill scream.

"jisoo," they whispered.


	14. jisoo's devastation

in all her worst nightmares, jisoo had never pictured something like this.

_and it was all her fault._

she had woken up with a start, finding herself back in the lounge area with lisa's bottles of alcohol still lining the counter. 

jennie was nowhere to be found.

that fact alone was already enough to set the alarm bells ringing in her head. jennie wandering alone unaccompanied was asking for trouble, just as when jisoo wasn't around she had managed to dispose of her toy boy. jisoo wasn't very worried; jennie's father held substantial sway over the authorities, he'd be able to cover it up. and jisoo wasn't very sorry to see a bitter rival go.

putting two and two together as her brain woke up, jisoo remembered that both of them had eventually made their way back to the lounge and settled to sleep leaning against each other in their seats. but jennie must have woken up, gotten bored and took off.

jisoo cursed now as she hurried through the hallways, trying to not let panic take over her senses when jennie never answered her frantic calls. she was tempted to check with rosie and lisa but shrugged off the idea almost immediately. if she went to them, it would mean that she was truly out of options and panicking, which she wasn't. she wasn't going to panic.

focus. she needed to think.

jennie could look after herself fine. it's just that she didn't understand the concept of danger sometimes, and that's what had jisoo's heart drumming ominously in her throat as she called out through the empty corridors whilst scaling floors as fast as she could. 

she burst on the landing of the last floor, a sinking feeling making its presence known in the pit of her stomach when she didn't see jennie crouching and eavesdropping at lisa's door. all was quiet and still.

where else could she have gone?

and the obvious answer surfaced easily, because she knew jennie like the back of her hand.

_if jennie hadn't gone to spy on rosie and lisa, then she had gone to the roof._

sure enough, the planks blocking the stairs were out of place. heart in her mouth jisoo climbed up, feeling the cold draught wafting over her face as she burst out on to the roof.

"jendeuk?" she called out. "it's me, chu. come out now. you win, i couldn't find you anywhere."

her breath formed a cloud as she spoke. jisoo glanced around the sun deck shrouded in darkness except for a huge green neon sign sputtering and flickering weakly. it was hanging at a tilted angle. jisoo couldn't quite read what it said.

"jen? where are you?"

nobody replied.

jisoo approached the neon sign cautiously, squinting as she tried to make out what it said. the smell of stagnant water reeked in the air, making jisoo wrinkle her nose. the pool lisa mentioned must have caught quite a lot of water from the rain.

the sign had fallen off its rusty supports, with the tail end clinging on resolutely as the light twitched feebly, iluminating some of the letters of the signage. the head of the sign was dark and submerged in a pool filled with black swirling water reflecting green light—that's where the stench came from.

and floating face down in the middle of the pool was jennie.

jisoo blinked for one, two, three seconds as a strange roaring filled her ears, replacing the silence. the typhoon of panic built up in her chest until it burst forth from her mouth in an all-consuming screech unlike anything she had ever uttered before.

"JENNIE!"

she dashed forward, forgetting the crucial detail of the flickering neon sign half submerged in the pool, forgetting there was water in the pool, and failing to make the deadly connection as she jumped into the black water.

there were no thoughts in her head, only jennie.

her jennie.

her jendeuk, lifeless in the water.

_jennie can't swim. jennie can't swim. jennie can't swim._

the words pounded in jisoo's head as she waded through the icy water, crying out jennie's name and barely even feeling the cold piercing her skin over and over. the pool started out shallow before eventually she felt her feet lose their grip as the pool deepened. yet she was nowhere near jennie. the pool suddenly seemed wide as a lake.

jisoo had forgotten that she also didn't know how to swim.

"jennie!" jisoo cried. teeth chattered as she reached out, straining in sheer desperation, willing for the girl to be alive, just playing a horrible prank. she would forgive her, she would forgive anything if jennie could just wake up right now. "jennie, hang on i'm coming!"

but jennie didn't stir and she stayed frustratingly out of reach as jisoo splashed and struggled and cried out. her clothes and boots started dragging her down with their weight. the reek of the dirty water was overpowering jisoo and in the semi-darkness, she lost sight of the lifeless girl.

"jennie!" jisoo floundered, waving her arms like a windmill as she cried helplessly, "i'm coming, please hang on please i—"

she sank under, water gushing into her mouth as she choked and kicked, pushing off the bottom and surging up from the depths after having found solid ground again. but lost in a frenzy, jisoo threw herself forward, madly paddling and sinking and popping up again as she yelled and gurgled.

a splash rocked the water and two hands caught her, hauling her up before she sank under a third time.

"unnie stop stop i'm getting you out—" it was rosie, gripping on tightly.

"jennie!"

"lisa has her!" rosie gasped, pulling jisoo back towards the shallow end with great difficulty as jisoo struggled and kicked in distress.

"she's not breathing," lisa grunted from somewhere above them. 

jisoo's head swivelled to see lisa leaning over a familiar limp figure at the pool's edge. she was out of the water in a flash, practically climbing over rosie in her haste.

"don't touch her!"

"jisoo calm the fuck down!" lisa snapped as she started chest presses, putting her weight on to her arms.

she huffed, her flimsy shirt sopping wet. rosie too stood by, teeth chattering as she hugged her shoulders. though she was also soaked, jisoo couldn't care less, not when jennie was probably halfway gone.

no. jennie was going to live, she had to, she had to—

"pinky, get your phone and call for help," lisa gritted as she pressed jennie's chest over and over. jennie's head lolled, her tongue hanging out of her mouth and her eyes stubbornly closed. By the faint ghoulish green light, she looked frightfully pale.

"you're not doing the presses right, move!" jisoo snarled, violently shoving lisa aside and starting on the presses herself. "nobody's calling for help. they can't take her away!"

"jisoo stop being a possessive jerk, the girl's gonna die if we—"

"shut the fck up!" jisoo growled, frantically pumping jennie's chest, "i'm trying to hear!"

her arms were tiring but jisoo was relentless, heaving and pressing down, up, down, up, down in rhythm without stopping. she couldn't stop. she couldn't let jennie die.

"you're welcome i guess," lisa muttered, rubbing her shoulder. rosie squeezed the spot, tense as she silently prayed.

"come on jen, come on jen, come on," jisoo whispered, desperately searching for any signs of life. she pinched her nose leaned forward and gave her two breaths before she was back to the chest presses.

lisa and rosie watched silently, shivering and huddling together.

right before jisoo gave her another two breaths jennie spluttered and coughed violently. jisoo fell back, tears of relief shining in her eyes as jennie curled up, wheezing.

"jen, jen, it's okay, it's okay, i got you," jisoo wept as she hauled jennie close and rocked them from side to side while jennie clung on tightly,

"oh thank goodness," rosie whispered, slumping next to them in relief, hand on her heart. "jennie, you okay? you...you gave us a scare."

in response jennie disentangled herself from jisoo and reached out supplicantly, which had rosie instantly enveloping her in a hug and shedding glad tears.

"better invest in kiddie armbands next time you try skinny dipping eh?" lisa wryly added as she finished wringing out her hair. "don't want your poodles or whatever to drown."

she fell silent when jisoo turned jennie to face her and gripped her shoulders. jisoo's mouth was pursed in a straight line, all trace of joy and relief faded from her face. anyone with eyes could feel the tension growing the longer jisoo stared at jennie, who did not meet her eyes.

"what happened?" jisoo asked, her voice deathly quiet. "jen, what happened? was it any of the dogs? did they fall in?"

jennie shook her head like a kid caught doing something naughty. "they're...umm, they're fine. kuma is a bit cold though..."

"why don't we go inside and get dry then?" rosie suggested, already standing up. "we could catch colds, jennie needs to recover properly too and who knows what was in that water, could be infested with all sorts of germs..." she trailed off when nobody moved, not even lisa, who was watching their friends warily.

"jennie, i need to know," jisoo insisted with a crack in her voice. "was it the lights? did you see lights again?" her hand shifted to her fanny pack, still strapped to her midsection, albeit soaked. but jisoo wasn't worried about that—the important stuff was sealed in bottles.

jennie shook her head. "it's nothing chu. nothing to worry about. i'm sorry i made you worry," she said evasively. her reluctance to speak was like a sword stabbing jisoo repeatedly as she scrambled to wrack her brains for a reason why.

they didn't keep secrets from each other. jennie would usually tell her if she had a psychotic break, even if it meant she would have to take one of the pills that jisoo always carried and call home, bringing an end to their outing.

"she probably just slipped unnie," rosie said softly, "we should really go inside—"

"you and lisa can go," jisoo said abruptly, her voice harsh, " but jennie and i need to talk right now."

"jisoo, i get that what happened scared you shitless but can you quit acting like she just murdered someone? wait my bad, you didn't even react when that happened."

"shut up lisa," jisoo gnashed through her teeth, "jennie almost died and you still wanna crack jokes?"

"well, why are you mad at her then? go easy on the poor girl. are you angry at yourself? it's not your fault she fell in," lisa blurted out bravely.

"you twat," jisoo groaned, covering her face. "i'm not angry. i'm trying to understand what happened. jennie doesn't fling herself into places she clearly knows are dangerous and off-limits, like pools. she isn't stupid."

"well, she might not have seen it."

"is that what happened?" jisoo asked, rounding on jennie. "did you not see the pool?"

jennie shook her head.

"so you saw the pool, and you still ended up in it. why? jennie, you know you can't swim!" jisoo exclaimed.

she didn't mean to raise her voice and make jennie flinch, but the foreboding feeling in her chest showed no signs of abating the longer jennie took to answer.

"i'm sorry," jennie said meekly.

jisoo banished the image of jennie floating face down that flashed through her mind and tried again. "just...answer me jendeuk. please. i want to understand."

jennie fidgeted worse. "i um...i wanted...i wanted...to try something," she muttered weakly.

"why didn't you wait for me?" jisoo asked, pained. "why didn't you wake me up and take me with you?"

jennie finally faced jisoo head-on, her bottom lip trembling. "i had to try something on my own."

"well, did it work?" jisoo was almost on the verge of crying. "was it worth almost drowning? jen...you weren't breathing..."

jennie flung herself at jisoo, sobbing against her chest as jisoo gathered her close. 

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i never meant for you to find out," jennie wept, "i don't want to hurt you any longer."

"find out what? hurt me any longer what?" jisoo's voice came out soft, gentle, pleading to understand. "jendeuk, what's going on?"

"he...he..."jennie hicupped and wiped her tears with the heels of her palms, sniffing hard. "daddy..."

"what did that sick bastard do now?" lisa spoke up suddenly, startling rosie.

jennie sighed sadly, fiddling with the band-aid on her finger coming loose. she glanced back at the pool and the half-lit neon sign. 

"i wanted to see what it feels like...before the actual thing," she said.

"jennie what are you talking about?" jisoo whispered, dread clogging up her throat. she clutched jennie's cold, cold hands, rubbing them urgently in hopes of lending her some warmth. "jennie, please, talk to me. it's me, it's your chu."

"my chu," jennie muttered. she gulped once, twice, before revealing: "i wanted to see what it felt like to get electrocuted."

they stared at her, speechless.

jennie went on. "i thought if i put my feet in the pool, then maybe there would be some electricity circulating. but i didn't feel a thing when i just touched the water, except it was cold. i thought then, if i touched the bare wires on the sign itself...maybe then i would get zapped. so i tried to get closer to touch it and i managed to hold my breath when i kept sinking as i walked in the water but then i must have gotten tired...i couldn't hear kai but kuma was barking and dalgom he...he kept sinking and i couldn't reach him..." she broke off with a shake of her head.

"why?" jisoo whispered, mirrored by rosie and lisa's horrified expressions. "why do you want to see what electrocution feels like?"

this was not her jennie, not even the jennie that sometimes saw bright lights or turned erratic or confused and screamed to run from her hallucinations. her jennie might be something of a daredevil, but never had she actually encountered a body of water and decided to plunge into it—she knew it meant possible death. jennie was not suicidal.

jennie gave her a wan smile. "daddy's lost all hope for me, chu. he's shipping me off to get electroconvulsive therapy in a special sanatorium place in the mountains in japan. he says none of the meds are working like he wants them to." she bent her head but jisoo still saw the tears run down her face. "i was supposed to leave tomorrow morning...which is in a few hours."


	15. ready

"if you guys are all settled, i'll go check on lisa now," rosie said quietly.

lisa had been acting oddly ever since they had descended from the roof, barely saying a word as rosie quickly took charge.

she took jisoo's hand and jennie's hand and led them to lisa's room like a mother hen pulling her lost children behind her. jisoo followed in a daze, still trying to understand, still trying to process the enormity of her despair, and her broken heart.

she didn't look at jennie though she sensed jennie glancing at her from time to time.

"lisa, are there more clothes we can use in the bag?" rosie asked.

soon all four of them had changed into new outfits after rubbing down with a different set of blankets lisa had brought out from the wardrobe.

jisoo managed a half-hearted eyebrow raise once they stepped inside the room, having spotted the rumpled pile of blankets on the floor along with scattered articles of clothing and underwear. rosie had quickly kicked them under the bed, muttering incoherently. both her and lisa were rather pink in the face but jisoo was too deep in her grief to care.

after hastily turning their backs to strip off the wet clothes and change, they now stood staring at each other as an awkward silence descended. nobody spoke or took up the opportunity to address the elephant in the room. rosie glanced between jisoo and jennie, shooting an equally clueless lisa helpless looks.

jisoo didn't look at anyone, not even at jennie—she kept her eyes glued firmly to the ground and churned over jennie's words.

 _you fool! it's too late now. why didn't you notice? why didn't you ask?_ she berated herself.

her resolve weakening, she dared to peek in jennie's direction only to immediately make eye contact and look away, her eyes burning.

_why didn't jennie say anything? they always told each other everything before..._

"i'm gonna step out for a bit," lisa announced abruptly, rubbing the back of her neck. "so yeah..."

jisoo observed rosie's knee-jerk reaction to reach out for her, quickly retracting her hand before lisa noticed and letting the lanky girl stalk out, her face subdued.

"jennie, how are you feeling?" rosie asked instead, "how's dalgom? kuma and kai?"

"they're not here," jennie said simply.

jisoo bowed her head, mentally scoring off her checklist. the purple pill that jennie took after her revelation at the pool was in effect. first to go would be jennie's hyperactivity as her mood gradually subdued. after that it would be the dogs. it was only a matter of time befor jennie would fall into a dreamless sleep and jisoo would be left to ponder the clamouring thoughts in her head all by herself.

"What about you jisoo? how are you?" 

"i'll be okay," jisoo said quietly. her tongue felt heavy, as though she forgot it was there in the first place.

rosie didn't seem to believe her, but she didn't push further. "if you guys are all settled, im going to check on lisa then."

she hugged them both tightly, first jennie then jisoo.

"unnie, holler if you need anything okay?"

jisoo nodded, watching the tall girl walk out.

"rosie is so nice," jennie said wistfully. "i think i'll miss her. lisa too. i hope they'll be okay."

"why wouldn't they be?" jisoo asked quickly, reluctant to hear anything about jennie leaving.

"i dunno. they're just...they don't know how to deal with each other."

"funny, they seem to have dealt with each other pretty well," jisoo pointed out, nodding at the pile of used blankets across the floor.

"yeah but what comes after sex...well, the regrets and doubt and reality comes flooding back. it always does." jennie curled up and rested her chin on her knees as she hugged her legs. "i just hope they'll figure out what they want because...well they're good people. they deserve to be happy."

jisoo leaned back with eyes closed, resisting the urge to scream. _what about us?_ she wanted to cry. _why do you talk about other people when there's us to think about? is there even an us? are we just a 'you and me' to you?_

"chu, please stop being angry," jennie said in a small voice.

jisoo opened her eyes immediately. "i'm not angry."

"you are."

"i'm not angry jendeuk. i'm sad."

jennie curled up tighter with the blanket around her shoulders making her look like a toddler huddling in their cot.

"i can't say sorry chu," jennie said sadly, "i'm sorry that i can't say sorry."

"what do you mean?"

jennie took a deep breath. "daddy came to tell me about his plans. he never pushed me or forced me. he simply told me about his plan. he said electroconvulsive therapy will cure me. he said he had booked me in the best place in japan and he showed me pictures of the place. unless he was bluffing, i have to admit it looked pretty okay. plain but clean, and with lots of greenery. apparently daddy went there himself to personally inspect the place. he was excited about it. then he asked me to sign the papers that would ensure i had agreed to going there voluntarily. i read all of the papers. for three days i scoured the papers looking for fine print or loopholes. and then i signed."

"why?" jisoo whispered. there were too many questions in her head. _why didn't you tell me? why are you believing your father? why are you leaving me? am i not good enough? do you love me? do you hate me? why are you doing this jennie?_

jennie turned her head away. "it's complicated."

"jendeuk, i'm no doctor," jisoo said, "but i don't feel comfortable about all this. it seems too sudden, without proper preparation. how long....how long will you be staying?"

"i'm not coming back."

jisoo jerked up. "what?"

"i'm not coming back." jennie was shaking. "the papers i signed expressly said i will be confined to the sanatorium indefinitely, unless i show recovery. but i don't think i'll recover. i don't think i can recover from this, chu, whatever that i have. daddy thinks the sanatorium will cure me, but i don't think so."

it was yet another missile dropping on jisoo's head out of the blue. she shook her head violently.

"no." she whispered, denying reality as it stared her in the face. no, she couldn't be without jennie. she tried imagining a life without seeing the petite brunette and her gummy smile, tried picturing a life without her and all that came up was a blank. it was simply unthinkable.

jennie watched her sorrowfully. "there's nothing to do chu. it's...it's for the best."

"the best?" jisoo repeated. "the best? jennie kim, are you hearing yourself right now? how can you do this to us? to me? jen...am i really nothing to you?"

she watched jennie's face crumple and immediately felt a pang of guilt, which was eclipsed by her own hurt.

"jendeuk, look at me. look at me in the eye and tell me just why are you doing this. why are you going away from me? why are you...why are you leaving me behind?"

she could't care less how pitiful she sounded, like a kicked puppy. jennie didn't know just how much jisoo adored her, how special she was to jisoo.

"chu you're crying," jennie said, her eyes wide. she reached out and wiped away jisoo's tears.

"yeah? it's because i don't want you to go. stay with me," jisoo pleaded. she took her hands. "i...i won't ask why you're doing this anymore, why you're tearing us apart. but we can forget about it and start over. i'll take you faraway where nobody will judge us. just like we always planned. what do you say? let's run away together, you and i, jendeuk. yes, that's what we'll do—"

jennie's soft tap to her cheek brought jisoo swiftly out of her frantic rambling. up close, jisoo found herself mesmerised. the knowledge that she would never gaze upon that dear face had jisoo break down and weep shamelessly, releasing a torrent of unrestrained emotions that had stayed locked away for years. 

jennie held her close as the raven-haired girl cried on her shoulder, her face bone-dry and stoic, which hurt jisoo even more. jennie was usually the more emotional one between them yet in the face of such an inconceivable fate, she was able to remain dry-faced?

"you...you don't care?" jisoo sniffed in between sobs. "is this really our hug goodbye, jendeuk?"

"i've cried every day since i signed the papers, chu. i'm out of tears," jennie answered. she cupped jisoo's face. "and i'm doing this...for the both of us. mostly for you. you have a life, jichu. i'm so proud of you for getting so far ahead. but now...now it's time to let go of me, of the past. it's time to move on and live."

"what are you talking about?" jisoo gritted. "my life is you. i want to be wherever you are. i want to talk with you and laugh with you and—"

"but i don't belong chu.don't you see? i don't belong with normal people," jennie replied sadly, "and i can't drag you down with me. i can't." it was jennie's turn to sniffle. "you've been so good to me and all i did was drag you down through the mud, tainted your name and made you an outcast, like me. i'm going to make this right though. i...i have to let you go. i will be out of your hair."

"shut up, jen. _shut up_."

and now jisoo looked truly angry at jennie, disbelief etched on her face. "i can't believe this. that's your reason for going away? because you think you're bringing me down? because you think you don't fit in? why didn't you tell me? why didn't you say anything?"

"because you would have stopped me! you would have said that's bullshit! you would have reacted the way you're doing now!"

"well you're right, it's bullshit, jendeuk. let me be the judge of what is good or bad for me. let me decide what i want for myself. who cares about what's supposed to be normal? you're not bringing me down. if anything, you're the only thing on this goddamn earth that lifts me up."

jennie shook her head. "no."

"jennie, do i force you? do i push you too much?"

"no!" jennie wept, "you're perfect to me. i'm selfish, i want to keep you but i...i can't. you deserve so much more than me. people say i'm broken and crazy and psychotic and—"

"when has that ever stopped me?" jisoo took jennie's hands, interlocking their fingers. "jennie, _i love you."_

jennie stared, dumb-founded.

"i love you," jisoo said, stronger this time, her voice tender. "i love you so much."

"chu," jennie whispered, her eyes brimming as jisoo's confession sank in.

jisoo spoke firmly, spilling her heart out at last. she wasn't sure what she had expected when she finally confessed, yet this moment seemed befitting of their unconventional relationship. they were each other's rock, the solid ground that was steady and didn't roll out from under your foot. through all that transpired, jisoo was sure they would find themselves back to each other, gravitating towards each other like a planet and its moon.

"i'm not sorry. i can't say sorry for loving you, jendeuk," jisoo said softly, stroking jennie's cheek. "it's always been you, and it will always be you. i love you."

"why? what is there to love about me? i don't do anything!" jennie exclaimed. "i only get you in trouble and cause you to worry. i'm a mess!"

jisoo smiled fondly, her eyes tender. "you make me feel so alive jen. you never ask me to be more than me. your jichu. you never ask for perfection. you never think any less of me if i don't live up to some standard, because those standards don't exist with you."

she went on, eyes shining with nostalgia. "when i got a B on my report card and got thrown out of the house for a whole day, you came and sat with me on the kerb and told me funny stories until i was laughing again through my tears. when my brother gave me a black eye in tae kwon do, you mashed grapes to a pulp and put some over your eyes so that we could be matching like twins. when i hurt my ankle in school races, you tried to give me piggyback rides every time we met up, long after my foot had healed. in every little thing that happened to me, you enhanced it jennie. you made my bleak life beautiful just by being in it and being you."

"chu..." jennie whispered, overwhelmed. jisoo caressed her face, aching to show her just how much her heart yearned for her.

"maybe i was a fool for hoping you would think of me the same way i do. but that's a pain that i will gladly bear as long as you're happy. jendeuk, if you truly wish to go away, i won't stop you, even if i don't think electroconvulsive therapy is the best thing for your condition. you didn't even get reviewed by a doctor or anything, i bet." 

jisoo looked jennie straight in the eye and added: "but if you say you don't want to go, then you will never get rid of me. never ever. the choice is yours."

jennie was openly crying now, from grief or happiness jisoo couldn't tell. she opened her arms and jennie curled up against her chest gladly as jisoo hugged her close, feeling strangely at peace despite their predicament.

jennie might not love her the way she longed for, but that was okay too. as long as they were together, jisoo was happy. she was already thinking of ways she could accompany jennie and visit her in japan, maybe sneak into the sanatorium somehow, either as disguised as a doctor, a nurse or a fellow patient.

jennie lifted her head to peer up at jisoo. "there's no life with me," she said softly, hesitant.

"funny, because with you i feel most alive," jisoo smiled. "whether we are sleeping under a bridge and huddling together for warmth, or whether we're escaping from murderous guard dogs. i don't care jennie, as long as i'm doing it all with you."

jennie's shoulder slumped. "i can't do this. i tried to be strong," she said shakily, "i tried. i want to do this for you chu. because...the irony of it all is that i love you too."

jisoo blinked, heart beating madly. "what?"

"i love you," jennie said quietly, "i've known that i love you for a long time."

"then why...why did you..."

"sleep with other people? to try and outgrow my feelings for you, to try and forget and move on. but you were always there. that's how i knew that i loved you. i'm not fit for the world, for normal people like you. i...i don't deserve your love jisoo. so why does it matter what i feel?"

"it makes all the difference to me," jisoo whispered, feeling about to explode from jennie's admission. "i don't care about the world. do you?"

and jennie's mouth splintered into a lopsided smile as jisoo edged closer, now reinforced with a surge of hope.

"do you still want to go to japan?" jisoo asked.

"i don't think so," jennie whispered back. "i wanted to see you one last time...but i'm too weak for goodbyes, chu."

"then don't say goodbye."

"I can't let you go once i have you."

"you have me, you have always had me. and you will always have me," jisoo vowed, locking their fingers together. "always."

jennie's eyes gleamed and jisoo smiled, both teetering on the edge of something new yet old at the same time.

theirs was an old story, a story as old as time, because love doesn't need impassioned speeches or loud declarations. it had always been a grain of truth nestled within them, which grew patiently as they steadily denied and ignored it, unaware that the truth would eventually grow too large to contain within its cage, because love was wild and savage and terrible and beautiful, just like the two of them.

"run away with me," jisoo proposed earnestly. "run away with me jendeuk. i'll take care of you. i won't let them hurt you anymore. i can't depend on the law to protect you, so i'll do it myself, my way."

"chu," jennie said tearfully, smiling.

jisoo squeezed her hand and went on, excitedly making up plans. "we can do it. we can go to the countryside. hole up somewhere like we said we would, remember? we could be free. i'll find a job to support us. how about we go to the coast? we can learn how to swim together. i'll let my family know that i'm taking a gap year or something. or just take off, it will be a relief for them i'm sure. we can hide away from everyone and be free."

jisoo's eyes shimmered. "and it will be just us, just you and me. we will just be us, and it will be perfect. even if...even if they find us in the end, we'll take all the time we can get. hell, even just for one day. i want to be with you even for that just one day."

jennie kissed her, holding jisoo close as jisoo kissed back. there was nothing hurried or urgent about their movements. they took their time to memorise the feel of each other, to savour the softness of warm skin, to let their love be translated in lips and tongues moving languidly against each other in a slow, patient dance, like the ebb and flow of the sea kissing the shoreline.

"wow," jisoo whispered when they parted, "we should have done that much, much earlier."

"to think i could've kissed you instead of wasting my time being afraid and holing up with losers," jennie sighed. she climbed in jisoo's lap and settled more comfortably, winding her arms around jisoo's neck. her piercing eyes were two precious jewels gleaming radiantly.

"chu, say it again. say you love me," jennie requested shyly. "i never thought i'd hear those three words coming from you. and they sound so...so beautiful."

"i love you," jisoo chuckled and tucked a lock of hair behind jennie's ear. it was the easiest thing to say in the world, a joy she had deprived herself of having for a long time. "i love you jennie. do you love me?"

"i love you. i've never been more certain," jennie said softly and leaned down to connect their lips again. "will you run away with me?"

and jisoo smiled broadly because there was the ghost of her jennie, peeking through the shell and shyly beckoning for jisoo to follow.

jisoo was ready; she had always been ready.

"i will run away with you to the ends of the earth," jisoo answered before they sank into another breath-taking kiss.


	16. i trusted you

it was too loud in her head.

the chill night air was like a knife on her skin, but lisa stubbornly sat freezing her ass off, perched on the edge of the building.

a familiar feeling, with the familiar black void calling out to her.

her walkman was playing something hard metal, with the earbuds jammed in her ears, but lisa wasn't listening. her head was buzzing, almost making her dizzy. maybe rosie had been right, maybe there had been germs in the water and now her brain was slowly being digested by worms or something.

it would explain why the same sequence of memories of the whole night played on a broken loop, all accompanied by rosie's maddeningly gorgeous face: her brain was rotting and all the gears breaking down, that was the only explanation she could think of.

actually no, that was a lie, but she knew better than to entertain dangerous thoughts.

her blood ran colder at the memory of cracking open her heart to rosie, being weak for just a few moments, coupled with her rash and passionate words, blurted out in the heat of the moment when rosie looked at her with hazy eyes brimming with desire and—dare she even imagine?—fondness.

she had been through it all before, what was so different now?

for the umpteenth time in her life, lisa cursed herself: for what, she wasn't sure.

it could be for all the drinking, or for flirting with the wide-eyed pink-haired girl, or for being weak around her just because the other girl was absolutely fvcking gorgeous, or for being too rash and promising what she couldn't give when rosie looked at her with glossy eyes that made her numb heart burn like a house on fire.

i mean really? wanting to be something more with a girl you just met after just swearing off relationships? how fvcking hypocritical, manoban. 

when she closed her eyes it all came rushing back: a kaleidoscope of scents, images, sounds, touches, all framed within the bizarre yet comfortable sense of being right where she belonged: cuddled with rosie.

and it scared her. scratch that, it _terrified_ her how easy and natural sleeping with rosie felt, the sparks of attraction and the simple desire to be intimate and the hopeful blooming of something more wreaking havoc on lisa after they were both snapped out of their bubble.

because she thought she loved before, but now this random college chick she picked up barges into her carefully padlocked heart and makes her feel things, things she hadn't felt so intensely and vividly before.

and it scared her, dread coiling in her stomach like a snake-infested pit. what had she gotten herself into?

maybe it was the alcohol. maybe it was making her horny and everything looked more desirable. yes, that had to be it. happened plenty times. yep, yep, alcohol, totally.

lisa nodded to herself, desperately grasping on to the lone excuse and stacking up the reasons for her inconsistent actions.

yes, she had too much to drink—it's probably what pushed her to show rosie her song, the song she fucking wrote the moment she opened her eyes and saw the sleeping pink-haired angel snuggled next to her and felt her heart tug in four thousand different directions.

yeah.

and it was probably the alcohol that made her reach out and push a lock of hair out of her face and rosie shifted, scrunching her nose, and lisa just about melted into a puddle cooing at the adorable sight.

yep, stupid alcohol.

and it was also surely the alcohol that had her reassure the girl and feeling so damn elated when rosie expressed the same thoughts and worries, as though they were of one mind and the way they were snuggling together like some lovey-dovey pair of pigeons in the roost and the way she didn't hecking mind at all, not even a little bit, not even at all.

stupid, stupid alcohol.

besides, when did she ever lose her head over the sight of small fingers, no matter how cute, the way she had gushed over rosie's adorably short pinky finger?

damn, that alcohol must have really been something to make her act like that.

but no worries, she would walk away tomorrow, head clear, mind empty. hit the road and never look back. thanks for the fuck, life's a mess so good luck. sayonara and all that jazz. solo and coping. everything dandy, everything peachy, everything fine.

"lisa?"

and just like that, the tower of excuses crashed and burned to the ground before lisa could even bite back her curse.

everything was definitely not fine. if her uncharacteristic nervousness was anything to go by, she was in trouble.

it wasn't even funny the way she turned to face rosie and her heart thudded like some lovesick puppy's tail wagging at the sight of its beloved owner.

"fvcking hell pinky, warn a girl," she grunted, holding her chest. her heart beat traitorously beneath her fingertips, making her unconsciously glare. get a grip manoban, she scolded internally.

rosie faltered when she saw lisa's scowl. "i...i was only going to check on you. but i won't bother you, i'll just go—"

"it's fine." lisa swallowed. "thanks for uh...looking out for me. and helping back there, with those two idiots," she added.

rosie's face softened. she hugged herself, shifting from one foot to the other. "of course."

"how, uh, how are they coping? hope nobody's barfing up stuff cos i ain't gonna be no laundry maid."

"that's a double negative," rosie smiled, "and no at least as far as i know, nobody was barfing up anything before i left."

"give it a rest, pinky," lisa grinned, her old cockiness returning, "grammar should be the last thing on your mind right now. you sure you're okay? you been fussing after everybody but have you checked on yourself?"

when rosie didn't answer, lisa chuckled. "thought not. here, come sit." she patted the edge of the wall she was perched on.

"isn't it cold? it's not good for the bones, you know," rosie said hesitantly.

"ah tish tosh, you ain't gonna get arthritis because you sit on a cold wall for a while."

but rosie still looked reluctant, making lisa swing her feet around and stand up.

"alright if you wanna play it that way then, missy," lisa said gamely. she carefully put aside her walkman before taking off her jacket with a gallant air and placing it on the wall, leaving her in a crop top. there hadn't been many other choices of clothing in the dwindling pile within her sports bag.

"there," lisa said with flourish. "a seat befitting a queen. your majesty, if you please?" she added with a dramatic curtsey. she had caught rosie goggling at her when she pulled off her jacket, which sent a stab of heat directly to her gut, but lisa pretended not to have seen.

rosie giggled at lisa's theatrics. "won't you be cold? i could have done that with my own jacket."

"and have you freeze to death on me? not in this economy sweetheart. i'm much more used to being out in the open, come rain or shine, than you are, so let's take care to keep your tush warm."

"being more out in the open...when you were with your friends?" rosie ventured to ask.

"friends is putting it loosely but sure, friends," lisa shrugged. "but i also like sitting out on clear night. clears your mind real nice."

"mm for when you get blocks while writing songs?"

"yeah, something like that." uncomfortable with the direction their conversation was going, lisa abruptly cleared her throat. "so that's settled then? let's not upset the statistics, m'kay?"

"statistics?"

"ya know, gals live longer cos they do less stupid shit than guys do? so let's be smart about this by not letting you freeze to death on my watch. jisoo and psycho are doing their best to end up dead but we gotta counter that or risk bringing shame down on all of womenhood! yah, why are you laughing, i'm dead serious!"

rosie's chortles made her grin broadly, lifting up her dank mood.

 _whoever dumped her didn't know how lucky he was,_ lisa thought ruefully. _even her damn laugh is irresistible._

however, lisa had overlooked the heavy tension that cloaked them once rosie settled next to her, reminding lisa why she hadn't lingered around and instead bolted soon after changing clothes. she had no clue what to say to rosie after the double shock to her system that woke her up and had her screaming internally.

and now by inviting rosie to sit with her, she had unknowingly walked right into her doom. lisa itched to slip on her earbuds for some music distraction, though she doubted it would work, not when rosie's scent ignited her senses like a firecracker. sharing an earbud was out of question—she didn't think she could handle that much intimacy.

besides, she needed to think. so lisa thought as she counted stars over and over to distract herself.

every nerve ending on lisa's body was very much aware that rosie was less than an arm's length away. the urge to be closer—to eradicate all space between rosie and her fears, to pull her flush against her and kiss her silly—kept on growing. her heart started an anxious rhythmic beat as lisa fought to restrain her body's reaction to rosie's proximity.

they couldn't just fall back to silly giggles and easy kisses as before. they were fully alert now, sober and processing their actions. the all-consuming heat had faded to a feeble flicker and lisa wasn't sure trying to revive the blaze was a good idea.

she was curious to know what was going through rosie's head but the other girl gave nothing away, save for some glances that lisa caught her throwing her way.

and for a brief moment, lisa allowed herself to indulge, wondering what it would be like to be dating someone like rosie.

scratch that, it was rosie she had in mind. caring, loyal, thoughtful and sheltered college girl rosie who didn't think twice to jump in after lisa to pull out a distraught jisoo.

"say, you were really brave back there," lisa said out loud, glad she found a topic to fill the silence. "you know, pulling out jisoo and everything. most people just freeze, or panic. and it's not exactly safe either if you don't know how to properly save someone from drowning. they could take you down with them."

"well the truth is i don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been there, lisa," rosie admitted. "i was following your lead. you were the brave one. you jumped in without hesitation to get jennie. in fact, i was going to stop you but you were too quick for me." she bent her head. "i honestly don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been there. you saved everyone. you're the hero here."

but lisa brushed aside all the praises to focus on something else that made her stop and frown. "why were you going to stop me?" this was new information.

"because i was scared you'd drown trying to save them," rosie said quietly. "and in that split second, i froze and just thought about seeing you like jennie was, just floating lifelessly."

lisa stared dumbfounded as rosie tucked up her knees under her chin, hunching into a ball. her voice was small as she went on: "it was scary. luckily, i snapped out of it and helped out but yeah...it was scary. i've never done anything like that."

"pinky, you're shaking."

rosie glanced down at her trembling hand and then held it out to see better. "oh, so i am."

she gave an inaudible gasp when lisa took her hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

"it's okay, c'mere," lisa said softly.

she ignored her inner voice flinging expletives at her like mud. rosie had gone through a lot in the span of a few hours, mostly because of her, lisa thought rather guiltily, and it wasn't over yet. as things stood, they might well be headed towards an emotional confrontation later that might end in tears, especially on rosie's part.

"this okay?" lisa asked softly as she slipped an arm around her, waiting for permission. rosie wordlessly shifted closer and leaned into her shoulder. rosie's scent immediately filled her nose anew, and lisa suddenly remembered her sleepy smile when they lay tangled in blankets on the floor, easy chuckles falling from lips as they lay basking in their glow.

unaware of the turmoil in lisa's head, rosie hummed contentedly with eyes closed. "yeah, it's fine. you're so warm lisa."

"heh, i'm warm," lisa replied with a nervous chuckle, stifling her bouncing knee. "so uh...wanna talk about it?"

"i'll be okay. i just...it wasn't something you do every day so it might get some time to get used to."

"well, just remember this one thing above all else: you were brave. even braver than i thought because you acted in the nick of time and saved jisoo."

rosie's smile widened slowly before she turned her head and burrowed against lisa's chest. lisa cursed silently as strands of hair tickled her bare shoulders and neck.

_the universe is testing me._

yet lisa never said a word. she sat still as a statue, supporting rosie's body leaning against her own, side to side, thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder. and lisa endured the sweet torture as a war raged within, her head battling against her heart.

consoling rosie was the least she could do. seeing her shaken reminded lisa of herself before she took up her daredevil ways: shaking like mad after her first count of shoplifting with her first girlfriend; having stressful dreams of cops breaking down her bedroom door after spray painting her high school principal's car in the death of night; swallowing down her vomit after she wrecked that same car a few months later when she stole it and took it for a ride to impress her fourth girlfriend.

the only difference between then and now was that back then, nobody had been there to comfort lisa like she was trying to do with rosie after going through an ordeal. the people around her, her friends and her significant others, they all told lisa to get over it and toughen up. 

the way lisa saw it now that she was older, nobody had to go through what she had gone through in order to process those ordeals, and especially not someone soft and caring like rosie.

"lisa, how about you sing something?" rosie said out of nowhere.

lisa almost swallowed her tongue. she gave a big gulp. "uh sing? uhm sure uh...what do you want to hear?"

a moment's pause in which lisa thought her heart was beating too fast, too loud, like a boombox stereo.

"that new song you showed me back there?" rosie sat back and tilted her face up, eyes glossy. "Stay."

lisa shrugged, doing her utmost to show it wasn't a big deal, just a song she happened to write after sleeping with someone, nothing too deep.

she sang the rough unpolished verses, doing her utmost not to inject any emotion but that proved futile. she thought of every relationship she had been through. she remembered how opening her heart to trust and love left her drained, hurting and lost each time.

her song came to a close and lisa exhaled, lifting her gaze up to the stars because her eyes were prickling something fierce and she'd be damned if rosie saw her crying like a baby over a bunch of losers that walked all over her.

but then rosie shifted against her to be more comfortable and all traces of the past were wiped away as she glanced down at the girl leaning against her shoulder with eyes closed. the sight made lisa's pulse pound and her hands clammy.

so yeah, she was a delinquent, lisa admitted that. she was no saint. but that didn't mean she didn't have a heart. and her heart was yearning for rosie, even as her rational side reminded her of the pain that listening to her heart had earned them over the years.

weak. shewas so weak.

"what are you thinking?" rosie whispered against her neck.

lisa's thoughts ground to a halt, her hands clenching into fists. "pinky," she said in a strained voice, making rosie sit up abruptly.

"sorry," rosie said softly, "but...you were smiling. i got curious."

_smiling?_

lisa shook her head, mortified. "maybe i'm still tipsy."

"i doubt it. you went through the song perfectly and you weren't slurring. it was sublime. and you sing beautifully too," rosie complimented sincerely.

"thanks uh...cheers, i guess," lisa said, overcome by embarrassment. she quickly sought out another topic to avoid drowning in the sea of warm brown gazing intently at her and making her feel too hot for her liking.

"say uhm, uh, so what do you make of psycho's electric chair retreat? sounds pretty beastly if you ask me," she said intelligently. _nailed it!_

she could have sworn she saw rosie's mouth turn down at the corners in disappointment.

"goodness no!" rosie said in alarm, startling lisa. "ect isn't the electric chair lisa!"

"ect?"

"electroconvulsive therapy. it's actually helpful for people with bipolar and depression when the meds are not having an effect. but for jennie...well nobody seems to know what is going on and she's not being looked after by professionals either. having her dad just decide to go for this treatment far away from everyone is what's wrong."

"yeah it's madness. jisoo and her would be better off eloping."

"lisa!"

"what? haven't you seen them?" lisa scoffed in disgust. "no way i'd let myself be so weak over love that i'd practically drown for the other person the way jisoo did. i thought she was the logical robot of this outfit? but when it comes to psycho, poof! all the logic vanishes."

"but running away wouldn't work out either, it's not the alternative," rosie countered worriedly, "there's too much to consider, they don't even have a phone now or money or food, no roof over their heads. they'd be caught and then the consequences would be greater."

"pinky, all you need is a little imagination to make things work and then, you just take a leap of faith," lisa said. "they would make it work somehow. they're used to running wild and they're the type to do anything for love. it's enough to make you puke, ughh."

"oh yeah? like you haven't been in crazy in love before, come on!" rosie challenged, suddenly irritated. she shifted enough to leave a sizeable wide berth between them and lisa instantly felt cold, as though rosie had sapped all the warmth from her body.

"don't give me crap about not being crazy stupid in love with at least one of your past partners," rosie said again. "i know things work out differently for everyone but it's that crazy kind of all-consuming love that has you thinking you'd do anything for someone, go to the ends of the earth for them, and that you'd be with them till the very end."

"well, i didn't go through that," lisa said testily. "i loved who i loved but none of that crazy love for me."

rosie's eyes narrowed. "i think you're lying."

"what does it matter? i'm saying it's stupid. fine, so i was a kid before. isn't everyone? but i know life isn't a fairytale. i know better than to fling myself into a blazing car and keep on driving now. jisoo literally does that over and over and it's crazy stupid. she'll kill herself one day. it's not healthy."

"that's the thing. you don't know it's a flaming car until it's too late. you can't judge her for being blinded. jennie is all she sees." rosie bowed her head. "i was like that, at the least the first few months with loren, until...well until we broke up. i would have done anything for him in a heartbeat. he...he just didn't return the sentiment, clearly."

"that ex-loser of yours doesn't deserve a thing from you," lisa snarled. dimly, she wondered why the thought of the lanky boy on rosie's lockscreen and rosie together made her heart wither and shrivel up with bitterness. "you shouldn't even be wasting your time thinking of such a jerk. he's gone and out of your life now. move on, change your lockscreen, it's only holding you back."

"i'll do what i want, thanks," rosie said coldly. "figure out how to move on yourself before you start ordering people around."

lisa gaped at her but rosie wasn't finished.

"i came out here to check on you primarily but...well, i was hoping we could talk." she ran a frustrated hand through her hair. "clearly though, we can't even talk about stuff maturely without snapping at each other."

"what did you want to talk about?" lisa said, dread choking her.

"us," rosie said simply. "what about us? we've been dancing around each other for the past hour." her voice wavered, suddenly uncertain when lisa ducked her head away. "i thought...we could talk."

"pinky, there's nothing to talk about," lisa said flatly. "we were drunk, we fvcked, we woke up. that's all. it's the oldest story in the book."

she didn't miss rosie's wince, or her clenched fist.

"what about your words then? the song you wrote?" rosie demanded, her voice small. "you said you felt...good. you said that you wanted something more than a notch in your bedpost. you said that you wanted us to be...something more. and i agreed." her voice trembled. " _i agreed, lisa_. i felt the same way. i still do."

lisa closed her eyes with a sigh, regretting her words before she even spoke them. "words uttered in the wake of passion, that's all. we were still groggy, we were just playing pretend and weaving a little fantasy, don't let it get to you—"

"bullshit."

rosie shook with fury, eyes glinting and pinning lisa down like a helpless rabbit unable to run. "i said you were brave. i thought you're brave for standing up and protecting us repeatedly tonight, protecting me. but now....now you're not being brave, you're just protecting yourself! you know you're trying to force yourself to believe the crap you're spouting."

"don't you get all high and mighty on me, princess," lisa retorted. "why should it be your business? don't get all clingy on me, i come and go as i please. nobody is the boss of me. i'm sorry for stringing you along. blame me all you like, and it was awesome getting to know you, but come morning, you won't see me for dust."

her words were harsh; she regretted them even as she watched rosie falter but it was for the best to nip the feelings in the bud. tears brimmed in rosie's eyes as her hopes shattered at her feet.

"you don't mean that." rosie's voice quivered. "tell me you don't mean that."

when lisa didn't answer, she jumped in again, pleading. "i'm not saying this on a whim. i know you think we're not compatible and maybe we are indeed like opposite sides of a coin. but...i don't know dammit! i just know it was more than sleeping together back there, lisa." she hugged herself. "for a while there, i felt...understood. i felt completed and whole, like never before."

rosie swallowed hard. "i hadn't felt like that before, not even with loren. there was always something fundamentally missing but i was too blind..."

"maybe it was the fact that he wasn't a woman?"

"no. i don't know what it was but with you...i felt right. and i know you did too." rosie was gazing at her pleadingly. "please tell me you felt it too."

lisa made her decision, a terrible one.

"pinky. you've been through heartbreak. you're still grieving. your emotions are all over the place. it's natural to attach to the first person that shows you attention. that's what rebounds are like," lisa said delicately. "i'm sorry it had to be me, but i'm not interested in relationships. and fuck buddies isn't even an option, it always ends disastrously. forget what i told you. i wasn't thinking, i was drunk."

rosie stared, shaking her head slowly. "no..."

"yes," lisa said heavily. "look, you're sweet and cute and all, i'll give you that. but i just didn't feel anything that you claim to be feeling."

"yes you did! i wouldn't have gotten the courage to say anything if you didn't. i thought you were being brave so i wanted to be brave too!" rosie wept, burying her face in her hands. "god, i can't believe this, i'm so pathetic!"

lisa's heart gave a guilty pang, but it was too late to go back now.

"drunk, pinky. i was still drunk," she reiterated.

"drunken words are sober thoughts."

"what a cliché."

rosie's bottom lip trembled; words deserted her. she bowed her head as a single hot tear rolled down her cheek. numbness stole back into her heart, extinguishing the spark of hope she had tentatively lit.

"you should go sleep it off. you'll feel better in the morning," lisa said softly. the sight of the miserable, crying girl was sorely testing her.

rosie didn't answer and lisa didn't say anything else. the distance between them was in reality quiet small, yet the ravine that opened up between them felt endless, the less contact the better until she was out of sight because she was holding on by a thread that was liable to snap any moment.

hang on lisa, almost over, almost done. it was better this way. mind over heart, mind over heart, she chanted to herself. don't let yourself be swayed. this will hurt for a shorter time than getting heartbroken in the long run again, you'll see.

finally, rosie stood up without looking at lisa. "okay. okay okay okay. i'm sorry for misreading the situation. and i'm sorry for pushing for something you didn't want...yeah, sorry. i should go."

she turned on her heels, hugging herself as she marched away and unknowingly taking a piece of lisa's heart with her.


	17. say her name

lisa couldn't understand why her heart splintered into wickedly pointed shards as she watched rosie walk away from her.

she was supposed to be doing the right thing for both of them! be the good guy sacrificing some potential fun times to save them grief in the long run, right?

so why did it feel like something was horribly, horribly wrong? why did it feel like she was committing a grave error?

she liked rosie. but that's only as far as things got, right?

lisa fretted, lisa huffed. 

and finally, lisa thought: fuck mind over heart if it meant living with regret.

she was going to be the fvcking cliché for once.

lisa jumped to her feet and sprinted after rosie with renewed determination.

"pinky!"

rosie didn't turn.

"pinky, just stop for a minute will you?"

rosie reached the door.

"fucking hell!" lisa yelled at her wit's end. "ROSIE!"

rosie whirled around in surprise just as lisa grabbed her by the waist and smashed their lips together, kissing her hard.

"i lied okay? i fucking lied!" this time it was lisa with tears in her eyes as she kissed rosie over and over. "i lied, you were right, i lied."

rosie melted into the kiss, slipping her arms around lisa's neck and sinking right into her embrace with a contented sigh. hearing those words was all it took for her heart to revive; having lisa kiss her again was all it took for her hope to return in blazing glory.

she kissed lisa and swallowed every one of her admissions, reassuring her in return: _i know, i got you, i'm still here, i'm not going anywhere, we're figuring this out together._

lisa slowed down, taking the opportunity to savour the moment as she caressed rosie's face and kissed her with greater care to show rosie the extent of her feelings. she pushed her fear to the back of her head, allowing only the girl in her arms to occupy her attention. 

"i lied," lisa said dolefully when they parted. she rested her forehead against rosie's, not even caring that her bangs were getting sandwiched between them. her eyes closed, taking in their shallow pants and her pounding heart as they calmed down. she tugged rosie closer and hugged her tightly, beyond thankful that she stayed.

"i knew you lied," rosie said softly.

lisa's eyes flew open. "how?"

"your eyes tell me everything i need to know, lisa." she cupped the surprised girl's face. "doesn't mean that it still didn't hurt, though. i thought that everything between us was over."

"why aren't you yelling at me?" lisa said in a small voice. she couldn't believe her luck—rosie really was an angel sent from heaven. that had to be the only reasonable explanation why she was taking

"why should i? what good would that do?" rosie rested her chin on lisa's shoulder as she hugged her. "i'm just glad you were brave like i know you are, even if you were scared to admit it."

"i'm still scared," lisa said, "and i still don't know what comes next. but...you were right, rosie. i can't hide whatever this is that i'm feeling, even if it will all end in tears in the end. it always does. but hiding my feelings...i didn't know it would hurt like that. i just thought of never seeing you again and the regret was strangling me alive...and you weren't even out of sight yet."

rosie was gazing at her with a faint smile.

"what?"

"nothing," rosie said shyly. "you called my name again. it sounds...nice."

"it _is_ nice. rosie," lisa said, the word rolling off her tongue like honey. she grinned when rosie ducked her head away but lisa held fast onto her waist. "rosie, rosie, rosie-posie!" she chanted and the stone weight on her chest lifted as rosie giggled.

lisa took her hand and guided them to sit on the wall beneath the stars again. uncertain what to do with her hands once they had taken their seat, lisa decided to wrap an arm around rosie and hold her close enough to share her warmth. rosie leaned against her shoulder, her head fitting comfortably against the crook of lisa's neck as though it had never been removed.

"what now?" lisa asked quietly, sitting stiff as a statue.

rosie intertwined their free hands. "now, we talk."

"about what?"

"everything we need to talk about. i'll go first?"

under lisa's curious gaze and her approving nod, rosie began. "first off, i want to say thank you, lisa. thank you for being brave, even when you were scared. i appreciate it a lot."

"you were brave too," lisa pointed out, "for still acting on what you feel, despite the risks. don't ever lose that or you'll lose an important part of yourself and your fearlessness."

the remorse in her voice was all too clear, hanging in the air even after she stopped talking. rosie squeezed her hand.

"being scared together is okay. being scared alone is not. lisa, i can't pretend to understand what you've been through that made you distrust people and hide your feelings. but i can see that deep down you're kind and you care a lot."

"lot of good it does," lisa sighed.

"it does," rosie said, surprising her. "for the people that stick around and care to know more, it really does matter that you're kind and care a lot."

"people get tired of other people all the time."

"i know. you have to work to stay with someone sometimes. feelings can fade in the long run, or the moment you hit a rut. it's the commitment that counts."

"so wise, do they teach you all of this in college?" lisa teased. "life classes or something? damn, i'm missing out."

"no, it's just what i see, especially from my parents," rosie giggled. she watched lisa fiddle with their fingers, enjoying the sensation. "you know, i don't want a relationship either. at least, not yet. not so soon..."

"you don't?" lisa said, taken aback. "then what do you want? i thought...i thought..."

"we're doing this all in the wrong order," rosie laughed quietly, "i'd have wanted to get to know you first, as friends. see how compatible we are, how we complement each other. despite our differences, i think we'd be good at that."

"well, we did have a crash course on each other all night though," lisa mused, "maybe it's time for a friendship test. should we get flash cards from somewhere? i can quiz you."

"lisa!"

"i'm kidding i'm kidding," lisa said hastily. "so, you think we'd be good, depsite how different we are?"

rosie nodded. "when you think about it, we're a bit like each other in the way we react to some things. and i think we also experience emotions similarly. it's what had us click, i believe."

"or maybe because i'm sexy motherfvcking lisa and you're quite hot too and bam, it was a combination too spicy to resist."

she ducked her head, snorting as rosie swatted at her.

"lisa!"

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry. talking about feelings isn't my forte," lisa apologised.

"singing seems to come to you fine though," rosie said warmly as she leaned against her again.

"mmh, guess so. singing is easier than talking because the words are there already. you just lend your emotions and your voice to them and voilá, you got your thoughts expressed. why don't you try?"

"i'd rather be in awkward silence with you. I'm not asking much, just stay, stay, stay with me,"rosie hummed, quoting from the song lisa sang.

she smiled knowingly when the girl paused from her restless tapping, staring agog. " stay, lisa. and then, if one thing leads to another...well, i'd like to leave it up to the future and see where the wind takes us."

something incredibly light was swelling up in lisa's chest like a balloon. "so...so...you're saying..." 

she dared not hope too much, dared not believe her ears. rosie's words sounded too good to be true.

"i wasn't asking you to start a relationship. i just wanted to know if your feelings were on the same page as mine, and then we take it slow from there," rosie said honestly. "i couldn't push you for a relationship when you're obviously still hurting so much behind that cool facade of yours. you told me as much too, that you're not ready for that. i'm not so insensitive as to force something on you that you're not ready for. but if it's okay, i would like to be friends, at least. let the future be what the future will be."

she tilted her head back to look at lisa, hopeful eyes gleaming. "so? does...does that sound like a reasonable compromise?" she added nervously. "that would mean um, starting from scratch. getting to know each other properly, what ticks us off, what we like, what we don't like...that kind of thing."

lisa thought it over before she gave a mischievous grin. "do i still get to kiss you?"

she smirked when rosie burst into laughter. "what? i'm dead serious! like maybe on weekends? or every thursday? maybe once a month? we could work out a schedule. you're a pretty good kisser, you know?"

she smiled, content to hear rosie's chuckles again. the fact she was able to make light-hearted jokes which meant that things were finally alright between them.

"better not rush into something we might decide doesn't suit us," rosie said at last when their chuckles died down. "so i'd say we tone down the intimacy. no kisses beyond cheek kisses. and perhaps not much touching at all at first, until we're sure we want more. don't you think it's smarter that way?"

"yeah, i guess...stops us from jumping into stuff too fast i suppose," lisa conceded. "but out of curiosity, how would this arrangement work? do we gotta schedule counselling sessions? like couples therapy? but it's a one-on-one session involving us? who plays counsellor? oh and you could think of it as a roleplay, sans the bed part of course since beds are strictly off the table."

her face was starting to hurt from grinning so widely every time she heard rosie's infectious giggles but she didn't mind at all. she almost felt as if she could touch the stars, and it was all thanks to rosie. she couldn't remember a time when she openly joked about feelings without being dismissive or disdainful.

lisa looked up questioningly when rosie straightened up and faced her, taking her hands. 

"i'm serious about this lisa. i like you. and maybe we did rush into things earlier but i don't regret it. that's how things happened with us. but now, we can go about it this more sensibly. we'll take it one day at a time. after all, that's what we have when it comes down to it. what do you say?"

she gasped when lisa leaned forward into her chest without warning, her body sagging gratefully as rosie supported the both of them.

"dang college chicks," lisa muttered but rosie heard the grin in her voice. "you're really gonna be the death of me, rosie."

rosie merely smiled and kissed the top of her head.

>

they had fallen into a comfortable silence, somewhere on the verge of sleep. they had grown impervious to the night's chill, basking in the meagre warmth their bodies shared as rosie leaned against lisa.

dawn wasn't far off, maybe by a couple of hours. lisa had been doing some thinking, ruminating over the events of the night.

talking about emotions so openly with partners or friends had never been an option for her. talking about emotions was too melodramatic and cringy in her books, reserved only for k-drama protagonists to spout the cheesy stuff that secretly had her long for her own fairy tale romance.

she had quickly shed her naiveté after a string of heartbreaks made her see the dissonance between the real world and fairy tales: people fell in and out of love as easily as you tied up shoelaces. settling down wasn't the modern way of doing relationships, because nobody did that any more—now it was all about seeking constant movement, constant excitement and constant thrill.

but at the end of the day, lisa was jaded and disillusioned with her efforts to keep up and fit in with the cynical masses. her inner hopeless romantic still yearned for a real connection with someone that would come to mean the world to her. yet, she kept her emotions boxed up, fearful of sharing too much and ending up broken again. it had happened far too many times. 

she couldn't seem to help herself though. no matter how tough she acted, someone always slipped in between the cracks.

expressing emotions was left for songs, her secret outlet where she could write and sing about her raw feelings and the gnawing hunger in her heart as well as the dread of eventually dying all alone.

few people had ever witnessed her singing as lisa curled up in her shell over the years and refused to share that aspect of herself, her last intact piece. few people had ever gotten to know the true lisa behind her tough act.

but with rosie, the exceptions she kept making for her seemed to know no bounds.

protecting her, looking out for her, flirting, complimenting, reassuring, praising, listening, singing, talking, kissing, admiring, arguing and bickering and finally confessing—in the span of a few hours, lisa had forged an undeniable bond with this girl who at first glance seemed to be wildly different yet probing deeper revealed why their connection proved to be instantaneous: deep down, they weren't so different at all.

rosie made it so easy, so simple to talk about what they want, always mindful and respectful of boundaries. it was a breath of fresh air, an omen of hope that only solidified lisa's determination.

she would make this work. she wouldn't do the same mistakes again. she wouldn't let go of rosie, even if it meant staying just friends. they had plenty of fun before getting intimate, so what's to stop them from having more innocent fun hanging out together?

"hey rosie? you asleep?"

"mmm, no. what is it?" rosie replied.

"i got a question for ya."

"sure, go ahead."

"it's kinda important."

"i'm listening, lisa," rosie said softly.

"so we said we're gonna try out as friends, right?"

"right."

"does that mean i still get to call you pinky?"

lisa cackled as rosie sighed. she imagined the pink-haired girl rolling her eyes.

"yes lisa, you may still call me that," said rosie with exaggerated patience. "i kind of liked the nickname anyway."

"it's my speciality, handing out nicknames. now that's something they don't teach you in college, pinky," lisa quipped with a wink, collapsing into giggles as rosie groaned and sat up.

"stop dissing on college, i bet you're smarter than some people in my class if you'd take it seriously."

"maybe so, but i'm on a different path now," lisa returned. "i could be all cliché and say it's never too late to go back, but i refuse. i refuse to be crammed into the system and then probably not even finding a job with a degree anyway. nah, i'll find my own way. it's just...tougher. but i don't mind tougher."

rosie was shaking her head, albeit looking impressed. "you're really something else lisa." she looked away. "i could never take a risk like that."

lisa cottoned on to her dejection, reading her easily: rosie always had a path to follow, with clear goals and clear milestones. straying from that path into the uncertain wilderness was tempting, promising freedom, but terrifying at the same time.

"oi, let's not fall back to the blame game hmm?" lisa comforted. "we can be brave in different situations, right? and you probably have all your life planned out career wise and there's nothing wrong with having peace of mind about that, especially if you like what you do! it's actually more sensible. but i just view things a little differently is all. i want to make a name for myself and swimming with the rest of the fishes ain't gonna do that."

"so...the photo gallery will help do that?" rosie guessed shrewdly.

"ah you believe it exists now?" lisa said cheekily before she sighed. "well, i did give the folks that run the place some of my stuff to put up but they didn't really interest many people. so...a bit short on cash and all lately, which is why i was holing up with the turd. but don't you worry your pretty head over me," she added, booping rosie on the nose and making her blink like a startled rabbit, "i'm always churning out new ideas to get things moving cos they don't call me sexy motherfvcking lisa for nothing."

she prided herself on making rosie smile again, savouring the sound of her laughter.

"you know, i wish i had my camera with me. i would photograph you," lisa said softly. she had had a similar thought as she had lain watching rosie sleep, berating herself for tossing her phone because she could have at least taken a secret picture of rosie, all glowing and peaceful with a soft smile tugging at her plush lips.

rosie ducked her head, shy. "what cameras do you use?"

"got a few babies that the parents passed down to me, all vintage little pieces. i even got a leica! some of them have film that you even have to develop in a dark room. i got one in my studio." lisa cleared her throat. "maybe you could swing by some time? have a look around if you want," she added, trying to inject a shot of cockiness in her words.

rosie beamed. "that would be awesome! you'd really be okay with me around?"

"sure," lisa smiled, "we're gonna do the friend thing and get to know each other so...photography is something i do."

only three other people had ever set foot in her studio, her sanctuary: her parents and her sixth girlfriend, which was possibly her worst relationship, mostly because of how well it started out only to crash and burn like a dying star in the end. it had lisa swear off girlfriends and dating for the longest time, almost a whole year.

but yet again she was trying to push herself, to show more of her true interests. rosie seemed interested enough, but respectful and double-checking, which was sweet of her. maybe, she would even consent to model for lisa and be her muse. lisa could already picture some concept shoots that would fit rosie, her busy brain conjuring up ideas at whizz speed. maybe some black and sexy concept, with mussed hair, dark make up and smoulder? but how about bright and pink? or maybe even nudes? she certainly had great proportions befitting a runway model.

"you don't have to, you know?" rosie said softly. "but i'd be thrilled to see. i never saw a dark room before."

"well obviously not, it's dark after all."

rosie rolled her eyes as lisa slapped her knee and snorted, amused by her own joke.

they talked a while longer, the air between them alternating between light and teasing to sober and serious depending on the topic at hand, but never for long. their voices carried with the breeze, bright and loud. they had much to catch up on but they would take their time and savour the journey, arriving at whatever destination fate had in store for them.

"there's so many stars, i can barely see my sign," lisa said at one point, squinting at the inky black sky. "mine's aries by the way, what's yours? when's your birthday? pinky?"

when only silence responded her, lisa glanced down. her heart warmed at the sight of rosie sleeping soundly in her lap, one hand beneath her head. her shoulder rose and fell rhythmically, her expression serene though a little frown marred her face, probably because of the cold.

fondly, lisa stroked her head, wishing she had a blanket to cover the sleeping girl. or maybe she could risk carrying her back to the hotel room? 

her backside felt numb from sitting on cold stone for hours and she was sure she'd get an attack of pins and needles if she tried hauling rosie back. besides, morning was not far off. the sun would come up and thaw her chilled body—it's not like she hadn't ever spent whole nights outside in even colder weather with only her notebook and cigarettes for company.

but lisa was more worried for the inexperienced girl sleeping in her lap. waking up all stiff and aching from cold isn't a pleasant experience.

torn between waking rosie up or continuing to admire her, lisa's chivalrous side finally won. she poked rosie's cheek.

"mmh?" rosie said sluggishly.

"it's cold. let's get you inside and wrap you up in something warm."

"i'm not a fragile flower," rosie mumbled. lisa chuckled, stifling the urge to smother her with kisses because sleepy rosie was too adorable.

"you're no fragile flower, certainly," lisa agreed. she bent down and kissed her temple. "but you deserve to be treated like a princess. and a princess shouldn't be freezing to death out here. remember what we said about statistics? so up we go now." 

and rosie obediently stood up, leaning against lisa who put her jacket around her shoulders and led her back down the stairs.


	18. a new day

she was careful not to move too much for fear of waking rosie sleeping next to her. they were both leaning against the wall, covered with blankets.

but lisa wasn't the only one up at the crack of dawn, rolling her stiff neck from side to side. across the room, jisoo mirrored her as she stretched, careful to not wake up a sleeping jennie.

"oi."

"hey."

"i'm assuming you talked out stuff?" lisa croaked, motioning at jennie.

"good morning to you too," jisoo snorted as she rubbed her eyes. she glanced fondly at the sleeping girl next to her before turning to face lisa. "yeah, we talked out stuff. what about you?"

"we talked out stuff too," lisa said thoughtfully, replaying the night's numerous conversations. it had a smile quirk her lips and jisoo noticed it too.

"yeah? that's good. i'm happy for you guys." jisoo yawned. "i don't suppose there are any breakfast places around here? preferably not abandoned this time. jennie is gonna wake up with the appetite of a rhinoceros."

"what, like you got cash to afford it anyway?" lisa snickered.

"no cash, but i got card," jisoo shrugged. she unzipped the fanny pack next to her and drew out a small zip lock bag that contained a bank card. lisa licked her lips nervously, her mouth suddenly dry.

"uh...maybe because it's early and i'm not seeing straight—"

"you're not even straight."

lisa blinked and raised an eyebrow. "did you just make a joke, jisoo?"

jisoo only smirked and lisa shook her head.

"this is a really weird morning. now trust me when i say i've seen weirder but i've never expected to wake up and see someone waving _that_ in my face _._ " 

lisa gulped and pointed at the card in jisoo's hand. "jisoo...is that a black card? a fricking look-at-me-i-can-buy-your-life-bitch black card?"

"yep," jisoo said nonchalantly. she took it out of the zip lock back and balanced it in her hand. "it's for emergencies. jennie's father entrusted me with an account to draw funds in case i might be on the road for some time. don't worry, the water didn't damage it, i checked myself." she held it up and raised an eyebrow at lisa. "so, know any suitable place around here?"

"won't that alert her father and trace it back to location?" lisa pointed out, still eyeing the black card warily. "heaven's sake, jungkook would have had a field day if he got his hands on that."

"oh good point, jennie's dad would certainly be able to find us that way," jisoo sighed, "i guess it's pretty useless then."

lisa's jaw dropped. when did jisoo turn so agreeable? her talk with jennie must have gone tremendously well. she wondered if they had slept together, but jisoo still appeared to be fully clothed.

"so...guess you'll both be heading back then?" lisa asked after a lull in the conversation. "me and pinky...well i don't know. i'm getting the munchies and she probably will too, later, but i ain't got nothing on me. i guess we can all think up something once everyone wakes up and we drive back to the city, and back to reality. yay."

"jennie and i aren't going back."

lisa blinked. "what?"

"jennie and i aren't going back," jisoo repeated. "we talked about it. we're going to run away."

lisa stared at her some more before she sat back with a sigh. "wow, it came true."

"what?"

"you're going to elope right? you popped the question last night after all that high tension drama and she said yes?"

"this isn't a kdrama, lisa," jisoo chuckled as lisa flushed pink. "jennie and i are just going to run away and live by ourselves."

"what about your family? i know jennie doesn't have anyone in particular except big bad daddy kim but...you've got a family."

"one less person to worry about," jisoo shrugged. "they have jin to carry the honour. I was just a second choice, an alternative in case things go awry with jin."

"okay, can we hold off the business of running away until brunch?" lisa asked. "i feel too woozy to count all the reasons why running away wouldn't work. i was only joking when i said you two should elope."

what won't work?" jennie chimed in, startling lisa. She sat up, back to her alert and energetic old self as she squinted at lisa from her spot next to jisoo. "are you talking about me and chu? kuma said he'll bite you if you badmouth jichu."

"whoa there psycho—"

"mmh, lisa? what's going on?" rosie mumbled, rubbing her eyes as she too woke up. "it's so early..."

"it's okay, go to sleep," lisa said softly. she missed the furtive glances jennie and jisoo shared as she smiled down at rosie. "i was just talking with jisoo and psycho here."

"oh they're awake?" rosie was suddenly alert, beaming at the two girls opposite. she gave a little wave, still holding on to her blanket. "hi. how are you guys feeling?"

"pretty good, and good morning to you!" jennie chirped. jisoo merely grunted but shot rosie a soft smile in the grey light.

"are we getting breakfast?" rosie said hopefully.

"pinky it's a bit early, you should get a little bit more sleep at least," lisa coaxed. "sorry if it was getting loud here, maybe we should move somewhere else—"

"no she can stay and talk too," jennie shrugged. "i'm hungry as well. jichu, you got the card right? let's use it."

"lisa said your father might track us if we use it."

jennie pouted and turned to her other side to address the empty air. "i'm sorry puppies, hang in there a while more okay? i know i know, i'm hungry too."

"hey, how about going back to my apartment?" rosie suggested. "i could make us all some breakfast? luckily i got my fridge well stocked. pigging out is all i've been really doing these last few weeks."

"what's on the menu, chef?"

"well i can make scrambled eggs or pancakes or waffles if you like? then if you want toast i have like half a loaf left. or if you want to go full korean style, i can whip up some bean sprout rice or cold cucumber soup. those are the ones i really know how to do properly, i'm afraid."

lisa's mouth watered at the thought of all the food. "even burnt cheese toast sounds delicious right now. consider me impressed."

"you and rosie go ahead," jisoo said, "but jennie and i are not stepping foot anywhere near the city. the sooner we go under the radar, the better."

"what? under the radar?" rosie frowned, confused.

"they're running away," lisa explained.

rosie's eyes grew round in alarm. "what? unnie, you can't do that! how are you going to survive? what are you going to eat? winter is coming, you could freeze to death! and your phone isn't working and you don't have any money..."

"well, for the money part maybe you could draw out cash all in one go?" lisa mused. "although then you'd better be speedy cos the cops and daddy kim would probably be on you right away and zero in on your location."

far from looking worried at the notion of being chased, jisoo's lips quirked at the corners as jennie clapped her hands.

"sounds exciting! jichu, do you think we could do that?"

"we'll see," jisoo mused but she seemed to be giving it serious thought.

"lisa that's dangerous, don't encourage them!" rosie scolded.

"i'm only trying to look out for them," lisa protested, "they'd have money to keep them afloat for a while that way, instead of wandering around like hobos. they would last longer."

"but running away..." rosie turned to the two girls with fear clear in her eyes. "there's really no other option?"

"i waited on the law to help protect jennie. but they were useless. _i_ was useless. and i'm not going to let them get their hands on her," jisoo said determinedly. "if they don't like jennie the way she is, then they're the ones with problems, not her."

she had her arm protectively wrapped around jennie's shoulder as she spoke and rosie saw that it would be futile to argue further. they had made up their minds—there was no going back. she slumped in defeat.

"when will you be going?" she asked quietly.

jisoo and jennie glanced at each other.

"i suppose we can wait until the sun has risen. it's still rather early," jisoo decided.

"oh! can we go see the sunrise?" jennie asked, eyes bright. "please jichu? i haven't seen a sunrise since forever!"

"okay okay," jisoo said as she got to her feet. "not that i'm too thrilled to see the sun deck pool again..."

"we don't have to go on the roof. i know just the place to watch a sunrise," lisa piped up thoughtfully. "there's a wide-open meadow and there's them wind turbines in it too. it's only a short drive from here."

"oh i think i know the place," rosie put in. "it _is_ quite nice there, and perfect for a sunrise."

"well what are we waiting for then?" lisa smiled. "time for one last road trip. psycho, you up to drive?"

"oooh can i?" jennie's eyes shone at jisoo's nod of approval. the pill's effects weren't long lasting, she deemed it safe enough for jennie to drive.

"excellent. let's go lesbians, let's go! on second thoughts, jisoo is probably the only dyke here."

"oh dear, what a dilemma," rosie deadpanned, making the other girls chuckle.

lisa paused for a split second before she smiled on sudden inspiration and took off bounding down the stairs, hollering at the top of her lungs. 

"let's go hoes, let's go!"

>

the road gradually gave way to a more worn surface as they travelled, with cracked tarmac and dried weeds lining the sides. the fields stretched as far as the eye could see, like a golden ocean with islands of browns and greens, inviting rosie to frolic and gambol like a playful lamb. the sky was turning pink.

rosie breathed in the sweet scent of grass and the surrounding trees, closing her eyes in enjoyment as she tilted her head back and raised her arms. the wind wafting around her made her feel like she was soaring as the car trundled towards its destination.

in the distance, she could see the turbines turning languidly in the gentle breeze. the car's radio was playing fleetwood mac, but softly enough to allow for the other three girls to carry on their casual chatting.

"...and yeah, the only thing i regret is not getting one-eyed larry with me," jennie pouted. "i'm gonna miss him."

"it's her stuffed toy," jisoo explained. "a one-eyed yellow teddy bear. what about nini, your old one?"

"kuma and dalgom ripped him to pieces."

"you sure you don't want to stop over somewhere for a quick breakfast before you head on your way?" lisa asked. "breakfast is the most important meal of the day, as they say."

eyes still closed, rosie smiled, an attack of fondness almost making her turn and hug lisa. it was when lisa was being thoughtful and kind that she was at her most attractive, to rosie. briefly, she wondered if they would be able to keep their friendship neutral before succumbing to desire.

because that physical attraction was still there, simmering just below the surface—she had noted lisa's eyes following her. however, rosie wasn't going to dwell on whether it was a good or bad thing. they had talked about their feelings, had laid out groundwork they needed to cover and get to know each other before any more intimacy could take place.

it might sound torturous now that she had gotten a taste of what being with lisa felt like, but rosie was determined to protect them both from hurting each other. and she trusted lisa to understand and do the same.

"what was it like, having sex with rosie?" she heard jennie ask curiously.

rosie's eyes snapped open and she swivelled around, face turning scarlet. "jennie!"

"i don't think it's really any of your business, psycho."

"oh come on, you were practically telling us about every one of the girls and dudes you fvcked last night!"

"yes, but rosie doesn't like to discuss such matters openly so out of respect, i won't either," lisa said calmly, to rosie's relief. "did you spy on us?"

"i tried to stop her...." jisoo said faintly.

"unnie!" rosie groaned, burying her face in her hands, mortified.

"hey, we only just heard you argue and then stayed after a bit cos you were really going at it and i was curious," jennie shrugged. "i just wanted to see, but jichu didn't want to pick the lock. i never did it with a girl before, i only did it with guys. cos the only girl i'd do it with is chu. so i wanted to see where stuff goes where, you know?"

"wait, so you two haven't done it yet?" lisa gasped. "not even as an experiment? damn, so you left jisoo hanging after last night? jisoo, i'm so sorry for you girl."

"i don't mind. we did kiss though," jisoo grinned as rosie squealed and hugged her arm in delight, "it was enough. besides, i'd want to make her first time special. i love jendeuk, i want it to be amazing for her."

"pfft, lies! you just don't have the balls and you're scared of underperforming since she's more experienced in bed gymnastics, admit it," lisa gloated.

"shut up! not everything is about being good in bed, you know," jisoo said loftily. her ears were tinted red.

"but you're still very butthurt about it anyway," lisa smirked. "that's okay, i'm sure psycho here will get you up to speed on basics. basically, all you need to know is that you got more holes than if you were doing it with a guy, so just be creative. use your imagination, as they tell you in school. or take a few tips from yours truly, sexy motherfvcking lisa."

"now that's one thing i won't miss hearing once we're gone."

"you'll hear it in your dreams."

"if i hear it in my dreams, i'll find you and strangle you in my dreams too," jisoo promised.

"how romantic, people just get the urge to choke me out of nowhere." lisa clutched her throat and rolled her eyes as she threw her head back. "harder, jisoo, harder, i love it!"

she broke off with a laugh and ducked when jisoo reached out to hit her. rosie resisted the urge to facepalm, but she was unable to conceal her smile at her friends' antics.

friends.

her smile faded, replaced instead with heaviness in her heart at the reminder that they would soon be parting ways after just a mere few hours of meeting.

"oh chu, it's okay, we could figure things out together," jennie said as jisoo fumed and glared at lisa. "do you want to stop for a moment and try it out, maybe? we could try choking too. rosie and lisa can watch if they want to, i don't mind. but kuma, you better not try any funny business," she added sternly, addressing the gearstick. "he tends to want to get involved."

"calm yo tits, you horndog! we're going to watch the sunrise, not an indie arthouse porno," lisa laughed, making jennie pout. "keep them eyes on the road for five minutes more, or else we're switching positions. oh _don't even go there_ , that wasn't an innuendo," she warned as the brunette burst into giggles. she smirked but obeyed.

"can we please talk about something else?" rosie said uncomfortably. she was sure her face was about to burst into flames out of embarrassment.

"we're almost there," lisa said helpfully and pointed to a slope. "we can stop at the top there, it's got the best view. floor it, psycho, the sun will be up soon."


	19. heroes

they witnessed the sun rising over the horizon, greeting them and thawing their chilled bodies. all four had stayed in the car, watching in peaceful silence as the sun's warm rays kissed their faces.

nobody had said anything as the sun rose higher, gradually going from yolk orange to a more steady peach glow. the car radio had been switched off as well to appreciate the glorious sunrise in front of them.

jennie sat quiet as a mouse. jisoo had wrapped her arms around rosie, snuggling against her back after she had quietly inched closer and closer until she was leaning her head against rosie. the slight weight didn't bother rosie in the least and she hadn't asked questions, smiling only a little bit when she heard jisoo's quiet snores close to her ear.

it had been a long night for all of them but in particular for jisoo, who was more used to a rigid schedule, so rosie let her sleep against her for a few moments. she hadn't seemed too interested sunrises.

lisa hadn't passed any remarks or snide comments either, possibly reading the situation and sending rosie only a quick grin before she settled to watch the morning spectacle in respectful silence.

she had been absorbed in the serene moment, seeming to enjoy it as she rested her chin on her arms that were set on the side door. her doe eyes caught the light, making them gleam, and coupled with the smile that stretched across her face, rosie thought lisa looked beautiful. if only her phone hadn't run out of charge, she would have taken a picture to immortalise the moment and maybe even set it as her wallpaper.

she had found girls beautiful before and heck, maybe her loyal devotion to ashley and hyeri wasn't exactly platonic either, which could explain why she was always eager to help them out whenever they called upon her.

ashley and hyeri would often joke and tease that baby rosie was "whipped" for her unnies, ready to fall on her knees at their command. rosie would only roll her eyes at them before happily accepting the milkshake they bought her. she would sip contentedly as she sat sandwiched between her two pretty friends in one booth of their favourite diner, because she had no notion of personal space and besides, it felt nice. she shot dirty glares at any guy that dared approach and chat up any one of her unnies, which the elders found amusing and earned rosie her nickname of 'douche repellent'.

rosie insisted she simply didn't want any guy to get in between them and take the girls away from her. it was very ironic that the reverse had in fact happened. rosie shook her head, returning to the present.

what was done was done. the only thing she could do was move forward and try to reconnect with them and apologise, for everything.

the birds had woken up as well, chirping their morning song in the trees nearby to welcome the new day. the faint whirr from the turbines was soothing nd rosie wanted nothing more than to stay in this peaceful spot forever.

"what time is it?" jisoo slurred. rosie patted her hand.

"don't worry, still early. good nap?"

jisoo gave a sleepy smile before she hugged rosie, to her utter delight.

"you're like a pillow," jisoo said sleepily, rubbing her face against rosie's back. "soft and squishy and warm."

rosie almost melted at this endearing side of the girl. "is she usually like this in mornings, jen?"

"she calls me jendeukie for being clingy, but she can be pretty clingy herself," jennie laughed. "ya chu, i'm getting jealous you know."

jisoo shot up immediately, wide awake as she withdrew her arms from aroudn rosie. "huh? what? i'm sorry, i didn't mean it like that!"

lisa joined in the laughter. "gosh chill, why do you gotta be so serious? psycho was joking, she's not half as possessive as you are."

"'m not possessive," jisoo muttered sheepishly as she sat back to her side of the car. jennie reached over the seat and squeezed her hand, which returned a smile back to jisoo's face easily.

"can we stay for a while longer?" rosie asked hopefully. "i don't want to leave yet."

"why not?" lisa replied. she stretched and stepped out of the car. "well, what you waiting for pinky? are you just gonna stay in there?"

and rosie happily followed suit, with jisoo and jennie bringing up the rear. rosie took off prancing amongst the tall grass, twirling and singing random parts of songs she remembered from _the sound of music._ she spread her arms wide, spinning in a circle until she nearly collapsed out of dizziness, her loud chuckles ringing clear across the landscape.

lisa watched her, unable to hide her smile, unable to stop her fondness for rosie that was overflowing. if it had been anyone else, she would probably be sneering and remarking how childish it looked to dance all alone in the field, straight out of a cliché movie scene.

but she didn't really care anymore, because rosie wasn't just anybody—she was...well.

she was rosie. ordinary college girl rosie who liked to play safe, a bit on the innocent side unless she was drunk. she cared more than what was probably good for her. she was passionate and brave. she made lisa feel many, many things that she had sought to bury and forget for a long time.

so what if she was falling headfirst into a cliché? lisa thought. clichés aren't so bad if done right, after all. 

and seeing rosie happy made her feel smile. and if rosie was happy, well then, lisa felt there was nothing really bad that she couldn't overcome, one day at a time, just like rosie said.

without even thinking, her feet moved, carrying her towards the pink-haired girl. lisa sped up and ran towards rosie who was still lost in her bliss amidst the golden expanse of the meadow.

"heads up!" lisa called, jogging past rosie after a quick tap to her shoulder. "tag, you're it, pinky!"

"what? hey no fair, you didn't say we're playing!" rosie yelped righteously before running after a chortling lisa, "get back here!"

their laughter echoed all around the area as they scampered after each other like frisky squirrels. not one to be left out, jennie joined the lively romp, squealing in delight when the taller two girls changed tack and started chasing her instead.

"on your left, pinky!"

jennie ducked and weaved easily, laughing gaily as she nearly slipped past rosie only for the taller girl to catch her arm and crush her against her chest.

"gotchu—aaaaa!"

jennie tickled rosie who collapsed laughing. the shorter girl shot out of her arms like an arrow, running away as an exasperated lisa gave chase, yelling profanities.

jisoo watched from the side, beaming at the sound of jennie's chirky laughter.

"jichu, come play!" jennie gasped when lisa finally caught her and dragged her back. "it's so fun."

"sure...fun...whew," lisa panted, bent over her knees. "let's all just....take a breather...whew...how the hell....do you...keep up...with her?"

jisoo grinned. "that's why i work out a lot manoban. her energy levels can be rather taxing."

"you don't say."

"awww, but rosie isn't tired yet right? i'll even give you a head start! jisoo can be with rosie too in the beginning and then once i catch one of you, the game changes and you both chase me!"

jisoo laughed. "jendeuk, we should get a move on. we all have places to be and we need to get a head-start on your father, find some food to eat and plan our next move."

"aww," jennie pouted but reluctantly obeyed, trailing back to the car in jisoo's wake with head hung rather low.

lisa and rosie shared a glance, both drawing together a little closer than what would possibly be deemed normal for two friends.

their eyes said it all, even before jisoo turned to them, arms crossed.

"so, i guess this is it," jisoo said solemnly without much preamble.

"i guess so," lisa said quietly, scuffing her toes. "uh, take care out there."

"i had fun," rosie spoke up, "it's one of the most scary, exhilarating nights i've ever had but i wouldn't change it for anything. i think it changed me too. i'm glad i got to know you guys," she smiled at each of them in turn, "and i'll always cherish this memory of us together like this and how we watched the sunrise together too. it's..it's just the night went by too soon..."

just before her voice gave out and she burst into tears, jennie stunned rosie when she suddenly surged forward and hugged her fiercely around the middle.

"i know rosie," jennie croaked, "i wish i didn't have to go either. i wish we could have met up again. i like you lots. and i'm gonna miss you." she broke off with a teary chuckle. "kuma wants to take you with us. i'm sorry ku, she has other places to go with lisa. i'll give her a kiss from you ok? and yes, a kiss from kai and dalgom as well of course."

so saying, she pecked rosie on the cheek four times, reserving the biggest kiss for last. "the last one's from me."

rosie cried harder as her arms tightened around jennie's petite body and she returned the kiss. "take care out there, okay? be safe."

"i've got jichu," jennie said confidently through her tears, "as long as jichu's with me, i'll be fine."

rosie turned and opened her arms to hug jisoo, who willingly embraced her close.

"take care," jisoo told her softly, "i hope you and lisa will be happy if not together, than individually. i wish you nothing but good fortune and health, rosie."

and rosie shed more tears as she hugged jisoo. "thank you unnie. take care of jennie, but don't forget to take care of yourself too. you're important. and oh! if you ever need any help or maybe you're in the area, could you remember my address so that you could drop by perhaps? the door will always be open for you."

"not sure that would ever happen because not only does it endanger you but us as well...."

"unnie, please," rosie begged, "it would give me peace of mind. can we write it down somewhere so you can remember it?"

"no need. repeat it six times and i'll memorise it," jisoo said confidently.

"she remembers a lot, that's how she teaches me stuff too," jennie beamed proudly at lisa and rosie's surprised faces.

while rosie recited her address and jisoo memorised, lisa briefly hugged jennie and urged her to stay safe.

"keep your chin up, psycho, and don't forget: break the cliché wherever you go. that's all the advice i got. oh and if you raid any store, tampons or pads are essentials more valuable than food. also baby wipes, you're gonna need those. i would have grabbed you a bunch if i had known about your little excursion."

"tampon or pads and baby wipes, got it," jennie said determinedly. lisa then went to rummage in the car's trunk and brought out her hammer and her ukulele.

"you two done?" lisa called out as she slammed the trunk shut. "jisoo, think fast."

she flung something that glittered when it caught sunlight. jisoo reached out and caught the metallic object that clinked in her palm—they were car keys.

jisoo arched an eyebrow. "lisa? you're not seriously..."

"oh i'm very serious," lisa returned with a wink. she patted the car. " this baby should take you to wherever you're headed much faster than your two legs now, eh? it's practically got a full tank too, so enjoy and use wisely."

"you're giving away the car?" rosie said, stunned. jennie's eyes were very round, her jaw hanging.

"well it's the least i could do, you know? will make it a bit easier to sleep at night."

"still, that's very sweet of you, lisa," rosie said approvingly. jennie meanwhile clapped and did a happy jig as jisoo approached lisa and pulled her into a hug, almost crushing the ukulele and hammer in between them.

"awww, i knew you wouldn't be able to resist me," lisa teased.

"in your dreams," jisoo scoffed but her face softened. "thanks for the car though. you sure you'll be okay?"

"yeah. maybe you can escort pinky back for me?"

"huh?" rosie asked. "what do you mean?"

"well, i don't want to trouble the love birds but the least they could do is give you a lift back home and save you time."

"wait what about you?" was rosie's natural question.

"i'll hot foot it back. maybe sneak on a train or something after i knick some old perv's ticket," lisa shrugged. "i'll catch up, don't worry. i think i got your address down too. i ain't no jisoo but i can still remember stuff."

"why not ride back with us?" rosie asked, mirroring jisoo's arched eyebrow.

"see, i've been thinking. on the whole, maybe it's better if y'all aren't seen with me cos' me and the cops aren't exactly buddies. i _did_ burn the turd's house last night and all. so until things quieten down again, i gotta be careful of my movements. not to mention if they see this car, they might get suspicious. having a flashy pink car roaring around in broad daylight is already going to make you stick out and since jennie kinda did murder that dude—"

"reggie, reginald the tenth," jennie inserted. "he was a meanie and he deserved to die and also, he had the smallest weiner i ever saw."

"reggie-reginald-the-tenth-who-was-a-meanie-that-deserved-to-die-and-also-had-the-smallest-weiner-psycho-ever-saw," lisa duly amended, "his folks might have the cops out searching for him. did anyone know about your uh...entanglement with him?"

"don't know. maybe he told his friends. i don't think he had a mom," jennie shrugged. "we didn't talk much, we always just jumped straight to—"

"lisa you make a fair point," jisoo interrupted loudly, "but still, you could ride with us and stay in the back with your head down."

"nah, can't risk them cops stopping you and discovering me, it would botch up the whole thing. this is very much a stealth mission to drop off rosie at the edge of the city and then you get the heck out of here, pedal to the metal. i'll be fine and get to rosie's place my way."

rosie still couldn't get over hearing her name in lisa's voice, nor could she get over lisa's thoughtfulness, which had her voice out a brainwave.

"what if i go with you?"

lisa paused, watching her carefully. "go with me?"

"yeah. we can hotfoot it together back to the city, to borrow your turn of phrase."

lisa looked rather doubtful. "i dunno pinky...this isn't exactly a field trip you know. we might not even make it back by lunch, if we make it back at all."

"huh?" rosie's brow knitted. "why we wouldn't we make it back?"

"well hate to break it to ya, princess," lisa drawled, "but if you're coming with me, then we'll be journeying across the vast and unforgiving land, where only the strong survive and the weak get trodden over and left behind. where danger lurks around every corner, and where beastly foes lie in wait to trap you at the first signs of exhaustion, waiting, waiting, like vultures hovering over you, the very personification of death itself—"

"are you reciting a poem of some sort?" rosie interrupted, puzzled. "because you can do that while we're walking. shouldn't we get going?"

jisoo and jennie collapsed laughing as lisa deflated, the wind taken out of her sails.

"pinky i was trying to make the whole thing sound cool!" lisa complained.

"more like edgy and try-hard," jisoo smirked as she leaned against the car's hood. "well, you still up for going with lisa, rosie?"

"i know perfectly well what i'm getting into," rosie said stoically. "i'm hungry and thirsty, and although i do like hiking, this outfit isn't suited for that activity at all. we have no phone and we have no money. but...i'd like to do this. it's something different. a risk. and i promised myself i would take more risks. besides, it doesn't feel right to leave you behind, lisa. so either we both go with jennie and jisoo, or we're walking together."

she tried to hold herself up to her full height, tough and formidable, even though her stomach was on the verge of complaining and her lips already felt chapped.

lisa's eyes flickered from rosie to jisoo and back—rosie could practically see the conflict going on in her mind. on the one hand, she felt sorry for putting them all in this position. but it didn't sit well with her that they would be leaving lisa behind to fend for herself.

who knows what trouble she might encounter along the way?

jisoo tapped her foot rather impatiently. jennie had already leapt in the car seat and now watched the scene, squinting against the morning sun. jisoo noticed and moved to shield her from the sun's glare. jennie hummed a thanks, rubbing her cheek against jisoo's side.

"let's go with jisoo and risk it then, i guess," lisa said at last. her gaze turned soft when she addressed rosie. "you don't have to suffer needlessly because of me, pinky."

lisa seemed adamant on making it extra hard for rosie to remember why they should stay friends in the first place. but before she did something she might regret, jisoo spoke up.

"i have a compromise. how about jennie and i drive you to the nearest train station and you can take off from there?"

it took only one look at lisa's face to understand that she liked this idea very much. and after getting an approving nod from rosie, lisa hoisted her hammer over her shoulder and quickly turned to jisoo with the biggest grin on her face.

"sounds like we still got one final road trip left together after all. i call shotgun!"

"no way, i'm sitting next to jennie this time!" jisoo retorted, nimbly jumping in next to jennie.

"oh fine fine," lisa relented with surprisingly little pressure, making rosie glance at her in surprise. they settled themselves in the backseat with the ukulele and lisa's hammer stowed away in the trunk. rosie caught the wicked glint in lisa's eye before she spoke up.

"since you got shotgun honours jisoo, then i have just one favour to ask in return," lisa said. rosie could already see the clench in jisoo's jaw, inwardly making her giggle.

"i think i have a fair idea of what that favour consists of," jisoo sighed as jennie pulled out of parking gear and the car started moving.

"i want to play a song, please," lisa said simply, "from the many cassettes the turd has so graciously collected just for us. you'll grant me this one last favour, won't you?"

"you stole them?" rosie frowned.

"nah, they're his. the car is his too as a matter of fact." lisa ducked as rosie swatted at her arm.

"you said it was your car! i knew something was off! jennie and jisoo are gonna drive off in a stolen car!"

"honey i'm a photographer, not a saint," lisa snorted, "but i did have a soft spot for this one. now jisoo, please play us the evergreen classic: heroes, performed by the one and only man i will ever love after kurt cobain: david bowie."

"is it another one of your rock songs?" jisoo said wearily, flipping through the cassette player before she finally found the song and pressed play.

"nah. i think you might actually like this one. it fits you and jennie's story to a tee. have a listen," lisa grinned.

she sat back in her seat as the instrumental chords played, glancing in rosie's direction, who was still pouting about the car revelation. soon enough, lisa leaned in close to her shoulder. rosie thought lisa was going to kiss her cheek, making her stiffen.

"i'm sorry for not telling the truth right away," lisa whispered sombrely, right next to her ear. "i didn't think it was important to blab about it, and then there was no proper time to tell you afterwards. i can promise to be more truthful in the future." she lined up their pinky fingers together on the white leather seats. "friends again? please?"

rosie sighed, unable to stay angry for long. she linked their pinky fingers together, looking up just in time to be blasted to oblivion with lisa's smile.

"i wasn't aware we stopped being friends?" rosie said.

she gazed right in lisa's eyes, challenging her, as she very deliberately wet her lips. lisa blinked, her eyes immediately zeroing in on the action before glancing back up questioningly, even as the air between them thickened and the distance shrank.

maybe it was david bowie's powerful vocals, proclaiming _we can be heroes, just for one day._ maybe it was the sight of jisoo leaning her head on jennie's shoulders, with jennie's free arm resting around her back as she drove. 

maybe it was the beautiful scenery passing them by, trees growing and melting on the side of the road as they cruised along, just enjoying the last drive together at a mellow pace. maybe it was the sincere way lisa spoke. 

maybe it was her smile that had rosie's gut twist into knots. maybe it was the tender way lisa held her little finger.

be that as it may, rosie was overwhelmed with the urge to kiss lisa even as she fought her impulse.

"i don't think friends do this," lisa whispered hoarsely, a mere breath away. 

"i think we're more than friends," rosie whispered back.

"i think so too."

"and do you mind?" rosie asked cautiously, a seed of doubt clear in her voice.

after all, they had sworn up and down they were going to take it slow, because none of them were ready for serious relationships but just as rosie said before—they seemed adamant on taking things out of order.

lisa smiled. she smiled and smiled some more, tender and affirmative. her eyes drank in rosie as though she could see nothing else, before she leaned in to close the space between them with a searing kiss that held a thousand unspoken emotions.

_"when it comes to you? no, i don't think i mind at all."_

**_'Cause we're lovers and that is a fact_ **

**_yes we're lovers, and that is that_ **

**_though nothing will keep us together_ **

_**we could steal time** **just for one day** _

**_we can be heroes for ever and ever_ **

**_what'd you say?_ **

The End


End file.
